MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

I don’t understand this idea that a baby can steal the spotlight of people getting married.

if they fuss take them out, but other than that? The baby is so new it will just sleeping and eating.

the navel gazing is a bit much.

Good decision op. Your sister is being very unreasonable.

Also I do wonder what narrative she will use when explaining your non attendance at the wedding? If she tells the truth, she’s not going to look good is she?

Your sister is being so fucking unreasonable. You will not want to leave your baby for even a few hours, and if you are breastfeeding just won't be able to.

I am not really a 'baby' person (if that can be said) but I really do believe babies belong everywhere - particularly in the big life events like weddings and funerals. If anything is a marker of life carrying on through time and space it has to be the presence of a baby.

I once went to a large Church wedding. There was a newborn who let out a cry during the vows. The parents were mortified and the Priest just smiled and said to everyone 'The most beautiful sound you will ever hear in any Church is the sound of a baby'. I found that profoundly moving and I know the B&G did too as they were so joyful.

I feel quite sad that the OP's sister seems to have a view of her wedding as being like an Oscar awards ceremony. If it's all about her then what about her groom for a start? And his family also. It seems a terrible shame.

I have 2 daughters and dd1 lost her first baby late in pregnancy.
Happily she gave birth 18 months later, a few weeks before dd2 wedding.
At her wedding Dd2 insisted dd1 (who was maid of honour,) carried her precious 6 week old baby down the aisle with her and the other bridesmaids .
The congregation knew about dd1’s previous baby loss , and there wasn’t a dry eye in the church.
It was such a precious moment .
Dd1 showed she had a kind heart and had no thoughts of her beautiful baby niece stealing her limelight , but rather that she would add love and joy to this beautiful occasion .
Your sister is jealous of a baby and she is hard hearted and mean spirited .
I hope it rains on her .

Oh @Elliee0810 That must be so hard on you, your DH too!! I imagine you're feeling very hurt right now.
That's not just being precocious that's just being downright thoughtless and nasty of you sister.
For context, when I got married a few years ago my best friend was my one and only bridesmaid and she was going to have an approx 7 week old at the time (totally unplanned!!) I offered her an out if she thought it would be too much but she was happy to continue if I was.
She picked out her own material for and style of dress, with breastfeeding in mind, and unbeknown to her I asked the dressmaker to make a little headband (in case it was a girl) and a little dickie bow (in case it was a boy) to match her dress😂
The baby had a bit of an unsettling period just as we were leaving the house to walk to the venue and I suggested she put her in her sling.
We still laugh when we look back at the photos and the video of us walking along and her with the baby attached to her in her sling.
Your sister should absolutely WANT her new niece/nephew there.
I really hope you can all come back from this because this has the potential to leave long lasting bad feeling amongst the family.

This bridezilla behaviour is really out of hand. Do brides really think that they are the total focus on the day anyway? Yes, we admire your dress etc as you walk up the aisle, pay attention during speeches and cake cutting, but the reception is generally spent catching up with extended family affairs, dancing etc. If the bride left the room most people wouldn't even notice for ages.

i can see it from your sisters side, baby will be hard to settle as a newborn in a loud environment and probably cry incessantly.

and it will take the shine from her as everyone will understandably be cooing over the baby.

could sister be experiencing infertility herself?

I hope at the last minute she asks you to pop in as a guest if you feel up to it (with your baby).

At the moment she is a self absorped a-hole.

You’d leave a 4 week old for 2 days to suit your sister?! Wow, that sounds absurd to me

Sorry I posted before seeing your update.

Its all on her being unreasonable. Good luck with your baby 💐

what a horrible woman, I can’t imagine saying this to anyone let alone my sister about my own niece or nephew! And yes my sister left my hen and my wedding early as she had a small baby, I’d never dream of resenting them for it! The world has gone mad

This.

Im usually pretty on the side of their wedding their choice but a newborn not even allowed in a hotel room upstairs with an in law is pretty ludicrous.

Im sorry she had made it impossible for you to go. Remember she made that choice not you.

Absolutely dont go.
YABU to even considert to pander to her orders and leaving a newborn baby away from you.

You won't be able to bring yourself to leave your baby when the time comes so just bow out now.

This is a bridezilla on steroids! Good for you standing up to her, your baby and you come first.

With such ridiculous demands on you, you have taken the only possible option left to you, in deciding not to go to the wedding.
And by the time your precious baby arrives, you will know that, for absolute certain.

Mothers and new babies are not meant to be separated at that age.
I wonder what part of that basic nature fact, your sister can’t allow into her self centred, attention raddled brain. She should be ashamed of herself. She has ruined the start of her relationship with her nephew, and I’m sure it’s left a sour note with you and your family.

Well done for standing up against such nonsense. It could so easily have been avoided.

Well done for telling her you won’t be going.

Just to echo the many other posters who have said that she’s selfish and completely batshit. She sounds like a nightmare. If she has kids one day, I hope she finds herself in the same situation and then can hopefully reflect on the fact she was a massive twat.

Have your parents not said anything to back you up? I can’t imagine one of my kids behaving like this and getting away with it!

The whole MoH plan was likely to come a-cropper with you giving birth this close to the wedding unless everyone involved was prepared to be VERY flexible or - perhaps- you were committed to bottle feeding and had a totally straightforward birth, which cannot be guaranteed. (And for example she agreed you could wear whatever worked on the day, as opposed to committing to a particular dress.)

All of this should be possible with a sister you are 'very close to.'

If she has lived cheek-by-jowl with you on the miscarriages, she may be justifying this to herself as one time where you/the family can be focused on her. How are your parents behaving? She's obviously having a freak out/temper tantrum, but I am curious what is going on in the background here. She may always have been like this, but you say you are very close to her so maybe not? People can suddenly lose it with big events like this and behave in ways they haven't before - only you will know if this is out of character.

She needs to be told that her behaviour is unacceptable and expectations totally unrealistic. Who can help?

@Elliee0810, I'm so sorry that it came to this but you made the right decision, given the circumstances. Those first few weeks, you have a lot going on. Establishing feeding, recovering from birth, trying to navigate sleep, being a new parent etc. Your baby (and you/DH) come first!! Don't let anyone guilt trip you about your (very sensible, given the circs) decision.

Honestly, having a childfree wedding is fine and down to the bride and groom as their choice for their big day, but they must understand that if they put in certain conditions (no babies or children hiding in the venue hotel room being looked after by a MIL), then some people can't make it and they can't get arsey about that. And they must understand that a school-aged DC is different from a toddler and very different from a v young baby. To not even allow you to have MIL watching baby in the hotel room at the venue, I just can't get over. I hope your sister doesn't give you trouble for this, because it is entirely on her that you can't make it to the wedding.

Good for you :) Totally the right decision. And congratulations for you and your now growing family!

I’m so sorry you have such a horrible selfish Sister.
Well done for dropping out.

Your sister has lost her damned mind. The selfishness is galling to be honest OP. You will be at best 6 weeks PP with a newborn and she won’t allow the baby in the building?! I wouldn’t go to her wedding if that was the case. Does she have such low self esteem and such a desperate need for attention that a baby cannot coexist in the same postcode as her for a day? Pathetic.

I am sorry you can't go but as others have said this is on your sister not you. You're not asking to parade the baby you are asking to be able to keep your child healthy, safe, and fed. So she is being horrifically unreasonable. I hope she took it well but fear given her unreasonable ban on baby being there that she won't have.