MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

I would like to hope that the sister reflects , apologize and change her mind.I do wonder what the extended family think! Ie Parents ,other siblings etc

I'm glad of your update, it's a shame your sister can't get off her high horse to compromise but you offered a very fair chance for her to have you there and she made her choice.

Sad you had to make that decision OP, your sister sounds awful. It's the right decision though. Your sister should be over the moon that you're pregnant after your hard journey to get to this stage ... and should be looking forward to showing off her new niece/nephew at a family gathering.

For goodness sake, your sister needs to be told to get a grip. Your solution is a perfect one and great to have a MIL who will support you in this way. I actually think that all going well with the birth you would be ok to attend the wedding after 4-6 weeks. But you'll likely be tired and still recovering. I would expect that with MIL upstairs with the baby, you could have a nice time at the wedding.

If your sister really cannot cope because she will be jealous of a tiny, helpless baby she really needs to sort her life out. She sounds absolutely ridiculous and I'd be telling her so.

Also, wait until she has a baby and have this discussion with her again. There's not a chance in hell that she would think it would be acceptable for her to leave her newborn baby in the way she is expecting you to do.

Tell her you will not be able to leave your newborn baby and therefore will not be coming. The world does not revolve around her. It will be a good lesson for her to learn.

To be clear, you will not want to leave the baby this soon. FF/BF doesn't matter. You will not want to be separated so soon for so long. Not a chance.

If you are breastfeeding you won't be able to just pause that so early on, you would have to pump at least or you would be very uncomfortable. I would drop out if the wedding now. Your sister will no doubt fall out with you but this relationship is doomed anyway.

Wow. Talk about sibling rivalry! Your sister is very insecure isn't she? She thinks that people congratulating you for your good news is going to upstage her. Your husband is right not to attend. Perhaps you shouldn't either. Put your precious baby first. You don't need to be worrying about this crap. Just relax and focus on yourself.

Edited to add that i have just seen that you are no longer going. Good for you.

Your sister's a monster. You've made the right decision.

Best of luck with the baby. 💐

How horrible of your sister to insist on your new baby (her nephew) not even being in the same building. I wonder if she will not want to acknowledge the baby before her wedding as she feels she is the ‘star of her own show!’

What has your other family members said about this crazy demand?

Nah, in good old Mumsnet style - tell her to go to fuck, and when she gets there, fuck off a bit more!

Your sister is being vile and entitled. Time to be honest and cancel being MOH now, and explain why. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

You will not want to leave your 4-6.week old baby for a few days!! Your plan of MIL looking after in hotel so you can nip up to is the only viable option I think. Otherwise I'd be saying that you cannot attend the wedding.

She's being horrible, a baby wont steal her limelight FFS.

I was very strict with no children with the exception of tiny babies, we had one friend bring their baby for the day then they booked another room in the hotel for the MiL to stay with the baby for the evening/night so they could enjoy the reception - this worked really well.

What a shame that your sister is destroying your relationship over this.

Mil in hotel room with baby is the perfect solution. No one would even see the baby, and you could keep nipping up to feed.

Not sure what the logistics involved are, but if I were you I would not have cancelled altogther, but would have told her I was coming for a very short amount of time.

I would just tell her you can no longer commit to MOH or attending the wedding. Newborn babies need their mum, your idea of having your MIL watch over baby in the venue just out of sight would have been perfect imo

i went to a relatives wedding last year. Bride was a right nightmare about a lot of things but there was 2 very tiny babies present, close on the grooms side I believe, did not take the attention off the bride at all. The wedding was mainly outdoors but they set up an indoor space if the parents and babies needed shade and space at any point (was a very hot sunny day!)

I would not have been physically or emotionally ready to do this 6 weeks after giving birth to any of my children, let alone the first.

She has.

I would drop the wedding.

Your sister is being a total dick.

Definitely the right decision OP. Maybe some day in the future, when your sister has had babies herself, she will realise what an absolute muppet she was.

My nephew was just 7 weeks at my wedding. It was child free but he came due to age and being EBF. He was the first grandchild/great nephew on their side of the family so of course distant relatives who were travelling for the wedding were excited to meet him.

I literally cannot tell you what time they arrived, what he wore, what time they left, if he ever cried. I have no idea if any of the other relatives were 'coo-ing' over him. It was our wedding day and I was so wrapped up in what me and DH were doing, eating, drinking, dancing, catching up with relatives, that I didn't even give him a second thought. I think I might have held him once for a photo.

In short, echoing what everyone else has said, your sister is being ridiculous. Does she have visions of hordes of relatives rushing over to you and surrounding you and baby and ignoring her as she walks into a room?

She needs to grow up.

Your sister is a moron and will understand when she has kids that what she is asking of you is ridiculous and completely unacceptable. No way can such a young baby be away from their mum especially if breastfeeding! And you are highly unlikely to be comfortable with that either. It baffles me how entitled some people become about their wedding when it's just a day. I'd tell her unfortunately you won't be able to come then. Imagine being jealous of a baby at your own wedding!

I am due 10 weeks before my brother's wedding at which I am a bridesmaid, after a very long journey of infertility and miscarriages. My brother and SIL are nothing but delighted for me and would never for a second consider the baby not attending. Admittedly, they do have a child of their own and lots of other nieces/nephews so it's not going to be a child free wedding but even if it was, I cannot imagine them objecting to a babe in arms or being anything but happy for me. Has your sister had any trouble conceiving? It's a really strange and strong reaction to feel 'resentful' of your baby being on the premises.

It is so unlikely you will be emotionally or practically able to leave your baby at that stage and your offered compromise was already more than I would have offered. I agree with others that you will need to pull out.

She needs a new MOH

Your sister doesn't own the hotel so can't stop MIL reserving a room and campaing out there during the wedding.

I'd tell her the compromise is that baby is in a room on the premises and you periodically and subtley duck out as required.

Or you don't attend the wedding.

Let her choose.

I attended a sibling wedding when my baby was 6 weeks old and fed literally the whole wedding due to cluster feeds. There was no cooing over the baby by anyone as he was stuck under a feeding cover the whole time, only coming out for an occasional nappy change 😅 So I agree with others that unless your sister changes her mind, you've made the right decision.

I am sorry it has come to this though, it must hurt. Just remember that everyone makes stupid decisions every now and again, and hopefully you'll be able to move past this at some point. It's definitely her bad decision though, not yours.

I am assuming the OP and the bride are in the UK but if I were going to attempt to have another rational discussion with a sister I'd been close to for decades before this incident, I wouldn't be saying I CAN'T leave a baby this age.

People can and do for various reasons - in the US, for example, the OP could even be about to return to work. If you have older children, it's sometimes the case that it is unavoidable. The OP's family circs may be such that she doesn't have an ally here.

I would be saying that I had no idea physically what state I'll be in and how the baby is getting on with feeding etc, that having them at least in the same hotel offers a much better chance that I could participate in the event smoothly, if that is her goal.

It's hard to believe the bride could really think the MoH coming and going from the event throughout the day for long periods would cause less comment, which I would also be emphasizing and that if she is hoping that the baby will be 'fine' and the OP won't end up going to the other hotel she needs to know this is very unlikely to be possible.

I also agree that the OP and her DH not being there at all is what is going to cause the most comment, which I would be saying to her as well.

This is all more consideration than the OPs sister deserves but in the interest of my own well-being and family harmony I would be making an attempt to dial down the drama.