Irritated by grandparent videos for toddler

and yet the OP has time to have a rant on MN, and so far has made 6 posts on this thread.

I do agree that they shouldn’t be pestering for follow up however, I would say to them that your DC enjoys the videos but can’t always watch them straight away and you can’t always respond. Why don’t they save them up til they see him and that is something they can entertain him with while you get on with all your other things that mean you don’t have time to show him videos. And that way he associates screen time with them and not you.

We grandparents have been parents of toddlers too and know how demanding it is. But at least we didn’t have MN, Facebook, Instagram , TikTok taking time out of our day. We didn’t have grandparents sending videos, but nor could they just send a text, they’d phone, at the most inconvenient times and want to speak to the DC as well as us. You find a way through it. You are better placed to do this with your family than we are able to advise.

This is why we wouldn’t do it.

Our DGS loves animals, if I sent him a video of his favourite he’d want to watch it time and time again and would then be upset when be couldn’t. It’s not fair to him or his parents to put them into that situation. For now it’s better that he doesn’t know these videos even exist.

Yep it would be the meltdown at removing the Best Toy in the World afterwards that would tip me over the edge too.

But it's also the necessity to keep that tab open in your brain from the swimming lesson when you received the video to whatever point later that day you think is best to show DC the video. I want fewer things to remember. Not more mental knots tied in mental handkerchiefs which I know exist but can't quite recall what the knot was for. It's a stressful and uneasy feeling of "I need to do a thing, but what was it?"

The frequency, quick chasing and follow up questions do sound a bit eager. I would find it a bit irritating too unless I had loads of spare time!

I would give your son a different device to watch them on and video him watching it with your phone and send that as a reply…hopefully they will enjoy that and it will answer all their follow up questions.

Couldn't agree more. It's another chore to add on to the whole mountain of other things parents have to do. Honestly some of the replies on this thread are completely mad.

The problem is that OP responding with a heart emoji or telling them he enjoyed the video isn't enough for them. The come back with more questions about which was his favourite part etc. They have obviously got too much time on their hands and OP doesn't have enough time.

Sending the videos is fine but they shouldn't harass OP if she doesn't respond immediately and certainly shouldn't come back with an interrogation about the best bits.

Getting multiple/frequent videos sent to me feels like homework. Its another thing to remember to do so you don't upset the other person, because inevitably you're not sitting down doing nothing when you receive the video, so you need to keep it in mind for later, and then reply in whatever way is appropriate for the person who sent it. I get so irritated with the volume of videos I get sent from various people. I've told people who can hear it without them being rediculously offended to cut down on the number.

I can't imagine how irritating it would be to get videos sent to me intended for my DC. When did people start doing that? That's a whole new can of worms because then you have to extract the phone from the DC afterwards. If you're a grandparent, please don't do this. It's lazy and zero effort on your part and creates work and stress for the parent. You want to connect with the DGC, great. Do a video call and read them a picture book over it, write them a letter and put it in the post, include a stamp so they can write/scribble back. Take them out to the park when you see them. Have them round to yours and interact with them, bake, dig in the garden, look for worms, have a tea party

Yeah this is going too far. "Mum, thanks for the videos, we're trying not to have him rely on phones for entertainment so will show him them at a good time - I'll let you know if he has any comments! "

It would irritate me too because kids obsessed enough with screens as it is without showing them anything extra on them. Sometimes my 3.5 year old can be playing perfectly happily with toys and a well meaning grandparent will pull out their phone and show him a video of a vehicle or something! He won't want to let the phone go after just one video though so it often leads to more screentime. I just find it unnecessary! I don't think grandparents realise how addictive/stimulating phones are though, i think they just like feeling that theyre interested in whats in the video.

No favourite part. He loved it all!

Once you start giving generic answers, they’ll stop sending them!

We’ve got a 2yo DGS, we don’t send him videos because he’s not allowed screen time, other than to FaceTime, and while I love receiving videos of him having his hair cut or singing I’m not quite sure he wants to see me doing the same thing. We do occasionally send photos of things we think that he might like to see, but it’s up to his parents if they want to show him or not.

If it’s not fitting in with your day, then yes, don’t show it but tell them he loved it! And move on.

If grandparents aren't going to change, as a compromise could you show them via a PC/ laptop screen or cast to a TV instead of handing over your phone? I think even WhatsApp has an android app for tablet computers... You could say you are no longer handing your phone to your child for whatever reason (internet safety/ so they don't drop and break it/ germs - I'd just say whatever is likely to be met with the least resistance!)

They are not satisfied with a heart emoji 😂. There would definitely be follow up questions from them about exactly what he thought of the video and which bits in particular he liked.

If you have to follow up every one with an annotated essay, footnotes and all, then they are being totally unreasonable. They may be doing it for a connection, but it's a connection you don't have the headspace to facilitate.

Can you ask them to just send one/some at one time of the week?

They won't realise its such a job for you: they have tunnel vision 🙂

Neither did “boomers” invent berating the younger generations for doing things they don’t understand.

I think I would speak to them and say do you know what, for some reason over the last month or so any screen time at all seems to send him loopy! So weird. He loves being sent things from you though - would you consider letters in the post? I'll pay for stamps. 😊

Then save these up and show them when they visit. Sending videos to her to “connect” with him isn’t what you seem to think it is.

Yes, because it’s bloody weird to do this for a toddler.

It’s ok OP to find this a little frustrating- it’s one small things amongst the many many small things you have to remember, reply to and organise every day. Yes it’s lovely, and not something to reject entirely, but it would be completely reasonable to say “we can’t always watch and respond to messages immediately, I’ll do it when I can, please don’t chase me”.

@saraclara I had all the time in the world to send and receive little videos when I was on mat leave, but that changed as my child got older and other responsibilities crept up again. It’s about capacity not personality and OP does not need guilt tripping.

I’m not sure I’d be pushing more screens than absolutely necessary on a toddler.

I think I would say we are really trying to avoid use of a screen and would you give him a call (phone call) instead with your news or what about printing out a few pictures and putting a little book together for him that you could read or look through together at bedtime/on a rainy day?

It would depend on frequency. If it’s two or three a week - fine. If it was two or three a day - not fine. I guess they’re doting grandparents and love to share with your dc. Indulge them. As long as it’s not a few times a day of course, as that’s unrealistic to expect you to be interrupted with daily routines when so many.