Irritated by grandparent videos for toddler

How about:

he loves the videos you send, how about saving them to watch when you’re with him so you can share the laughter?

40% of people think you’re wrong? Wtf? 😂

Surely you didn’t need Mumsnet to tell you not to regularly send videos to a toddler that need facilitating by a busy adult and require the child to be holding a device that likely cost hundreds of pounds? And the following up of the video? Come on, you know that’s not normal behaviour surely?

See if my parents did this for my children, it wouldn’t bother me! Seems like they just want to be involved and keep themselves present in the grandchild’s life if they can’t see them all the time in person.

Oh no, this is so sad!! What a sweet thing for your parents to do. I’d explain that it’s not always super easy to watch there and then but that you really appreciate them taking the time to think of your child and ensure to always reply when I could! Casting to the tv is a very sensible idea I think.

You are being unfair to the OP. It is not the videos she has a problem with, it is the constant chasing to find out if he has seen them yet.

I would have a set time each day/every other day/as appropriate to show him the video/s, so it becomes part of his routine. And then a set time to respond to DGPs, when he's in bed so you're not distracted from him. Explain this to them, so they don't keep sending 'did he like the video ' messages.
You do say that they help out a lot, and this isn't a very time-consuming thing to do for them if it's managed properly.
As a grandma to one DGS, who lives in Dubai, this is a great way to connect.

My daughter sends me loads of videos of my grandchild saying or doing things which I don't find particularly cute or interesting (often imitating some viral tend). Loads of them . It only takes a few seconds to say that's hilarious or bless. They are trying to stay connected. It might just be something you have to go along with

I love it- my kids barely know of my mum because she lives far away and can’t work her mobile phone and because mil is on WhatsApp they think she’s her only granny. You’ll hate me saying this but you’re lucky that a they care and b they can

I'd say 'we don't allow our child screens/to look at the phone. He is too young for that.

As it's true

Aww I think this is so cute 😂 they obviously love him a lot

Agree. I hope the DGP haters never ask for babysitting.

You sound a bit intolerant. You said yourself DS likes the videos, and being in touch with DGP is a nice habit to be in. Why not get in a routine of watching the videos each day at a time that suits eg teatime/bedtime. That way DGP won’t expect a reply all day. Then simply reply to them at the end of each day saying… lol/ cute / nice/ loved it/ 👍.

Subtlety mention you are trying to reduce screen time. Hopefully that may decrease them!

My in-laws used to do this. people of a certain age don’t understand is what it is like for working mothers during the day with emails and messages, we are working so we cannot be on our phones unless urgent. They never had to deal with any of this so dont have any frame of reference.

I just ignored everything and would respond at six or 7 o’clock and say oh sorry I didn’t see this. It’s coming from a good place, but they have no idea what it’s like walking round essentially ‘on call’. They just had a house Phone so when you left the house, no one ever rang your place of Work to send pointless messages.

I told my dad this and he got the picture. My in-laws I said it a bit more delicately, but just tell them, honesty they’ll get the picture.

A bit of an overreaction. They are just trying to stay connected. Honestly some of the attitudes on here towards grandparents are borderline psycho

It takes so little time to type 'aww thanks, he loved that!', I have no idea why you wouldn't.

What I don't understand is why grandparents seem to have forgotten how difficult it is to juggle all those things.

You're right, we didn't invent being busy and working hard. But I can't imagine everyone in your generation didn't ever find their parents annoying either.

YANBU. My children’s grandparents do this to make up for being absent for months at a time. Feels performative and it’s more for their sake than their grandkids. We both work full time so don’t have time to watch them until the weekend, then it causes problems with the children asking where the grandparents they haven’t seen for three months are.

I definitely found it annoying when my parents did it. Now the kids ignore the WhatsApps (they are happy to see or chat with grandparents but don’t have time to engage with all the weird memes and videos being sent). I think it’s about wanting to be involved but, for my parents, not really listening to what they find interesting. My mum means very well but isn’t very good at thinking about things from others’ perspectives. And they always see themselves as too busy to do most things. My FiL is EoL and she is chasing my DH to remind him to drop off a card she left for MiL (very sweet but not top of list). MiL is the same, we had a very traumatic few months when we had just moved countries, had a late lost pregnancy and she would be wanting me to give specific gifts from her to kids. I was trying to survive it all at that point. Both weaponise crying if you don’t appreciate their care.
I definitely agree that the greatest gift is having them reduce your to do list. This is also why I now chuck bags of tat rather than hand them over to be ignored by kids and piled up before I sort for charity shop. I take my role as gracious acceptance/lying about kids’ gratitude and then move on. Would rather the children focus on positive times with them and building actual memories of them and not broken plastic or awful memes. So sympathies, it is hard when you love them and don’t know how to tactfully push back.

I don't know if this could make things easier or add more to it, but my child sends voice notes to my parents on my phone and they voice note back, so there's no chasing up asking if he saw a message as they get a little voice note reply from him. They're not sending messages everyday though.

No idea at the level of your son's speech but could you send a voicenote or dare I suggest a video reply of him saying he liked the video and his favourite bit so they don't ask as many follow up questions? Also as a PP suggested cast to the TV will help with the phone being taken away. Maybe have a set time of the day so it becomes part of the daily routine and let DS know max reply 3 times then it's his turn to do voicenote/video back and then that's it done with, move on, until the same time tomorrow, that also then stops your parents asking has he seen it yet if they know he watches them at 4pm for example

I think though that if you were parenting pre the rise of technology it might be a bit tricky to fully relate to the fact that after a full day barrage of emails/messages/teams calls, family messages on Whatsapp can be the last thing you want to be fielding. I genuinely don't think it's occurred to my parents that's a problem

I think this really speaks to the generational difference and misalignment - my parents and PIL don't know what it is like to have to manage several apps to book meals & after school activities, 3-4 school emails daily, school WhatsApp groups all coming on your phone and therefore creating a fairly constantly moving mental to do list. And that's without anything to do with the GP, dentist, house, car, dog etc etc. Work! And finally my own social life 😂

My partner and I had both long left home before smartphones so our parents have only ever had to do this kind of admin for themselves and after they were retired.

I see both sides of the coin. I’m a MIL and a grandma. We have a family WhatsApp together. I try hard not to write on it too much, expect too much from it, want constant replies etc because I don’t want to be that annoying mum/mil/grandma. Plus I recognise everyone is busy.

but obviously there are things I put on there that don’t always get a reply or are replied to, days later. There are times my husband and I want to FaceTime the grandchildren and we question whether we should. I do look after my grandchildren whilst parents are at work, I write on there what they’ve done, they’ve had a poo, a sleep, played with x,y and z. I might put a pic on about their day with them playing in the garden etc (I’m a retired teacher so it’s kinda my background 🙈) but equally I don’t know if that’s too much/too annoying etc. it really is a fine line being a mil and grandma!

in response to your “problem”, I guess you say we’ll look at it tomorrow/at the weekend etc when we have time (but equally I guess the follow up questions will come) you can just say he loved it continuously and that’s the end of it (whether he’s seen it or not) or you do just say I can’t handle all this at the moment, it’s a bit too much, maybe save them on your phone so you can show him/ or just send us a couple a week…Tuesdays and Sundays are good, I have more time 🫶

id like to think any grandparent will be like omg yes, omg I’m so sorry…I know I would 🙈 but it does seem a little bit that your parents are “unable to read the room”. I know myself I can replies from my lot that are full on conversations, gifs, memes, etc and other times I get a couple of words or if I get anything back at all. I do finding it’s reading between the lines and finding that balance as a grandparent

Just lie OP. Your parents are obviously good, caring people. Send them a message saying he loved it all and it made him laugh etc etc. If they ask which bit, just repeat "all of it" and say you're a bit up to your neck in it at the moment - speak soon love you!