Irritated by grandparent videos for toddler

Going with the flow would mean that OP's parents would send these videos and OP would show them to her child at a time of her choosing, i.e. when she isn't busy.

If she doesn't respond quickly enough, her parents keep chasing her to ask if OP's son liked the video and even if she say that he did, they come back for more information, i.e. which was his favourite bit. They expect a constant dialogue.

Receiving these videos and responding in a timescale acceptable to her parents with a detailed account of her son's opinions is now just another task in OP's busy day.

Wow! Glad you are not the mum of my grandchildren. What an awful response to a kind act. Just go with the flow.

If you HAVE to ask then, yes you ARE bein unreasonable
> If you know, deep down then - you know
asin is simply seein validation

Likewise, and maybe try to avoid being ageist. Don't act all offended when someone reacts to your own rudeness.

And for your information, I was a child in the 90s, when my parents managed to do all that you mentioned without smartphones and apps that make our lives so much easier.

I shall be delighted to not engage with you further. And apologies OP, did not intend to get into a scrap on your thread.

@mercilousminghow dare you suggest I am without manners and illiterate, just because I have had the temerity to challenge your view on a public forum. You know absolutely nothing about me or how I behave IRL, beyond what I have written on this thread.

You have incorrectly diminished the “mental load” by saying it is merely “thinking”. If you think it is just that, then you clearly do not understand it. It is the organising, planning, WORK that accompanies little kids. The booking of dental and doctor’s appointments, the buying of uniform etc etc etc. It all adds up. It is not a “bullshit phrase”.

If grandparents want to be helpful, then DO something actually helpful, rather than actually adding to an already busy parent’s workload by cutesy grandparenting from afar with parent as necessary intermediary, which is actually no help at all and places more burden on the parent (usually the mother) to show videos etc etc. Call round and see the bloody child and spend some time with them, if that’s possible. Help the parent in a real, practical way.

Anyway, I’m bowing out now as engaging with you is really unpleasant.

20 seconds is long enough for a video. A bit irritating but I’d let it go. I wouldn’t want to upset the GPs. You would risk really hurting their feelings.

No I'm not, but you're clearly from a time before manners were commonplace, and women were taught to read. And yes I am one, before I get that accusation thrown at me.

I did not mention women vs men, or poor behaviour by men. I'm just sad to read posts comparing "responding to some messages from my parents" to generic and necessary life admin tasks. They're your fucking parents (generic, not aimed directly at you)!

Yes of course men should step up and do 50/50 of household and child rearing, admin, everything! But I didn't suggest that they shouldn't did I? I said that some people are being very unpleasant about maintaining contact with their families in a manner not of their choosing, and were using bullshit phrases like "mental load" to describe it.

Not missing something; sounds like you’ve got some common sense.

“Mental fucking load”: thinking ONLY WOMEN DID (and still predominantly do while men let us shoulder it all). The kind of thinking this generation of women is increasingly less content to shoulder alone while also increasingly being breadwinners and having to juggle stressful jobs as well as run ourselves ragged raising kids with largely unhelpful grandparents.

How old are you? Are you from a time before feminism?

My children are adults but no sign of grandchildren yet, so I'm answering as a mum in her 50s but not a grandmother. I don't understand the sending of videos to a toddler - I can't imagine doing this myself. Am I missing something?

Because it's true.

You cannot completely control the relationship between your children and their grandparents, and nor should you. Be grateful that they want to engage and be involved in your kids' lives as so many don't!

It is so visible in here - responses on threads such as this (being fair to the OP, she's having a whinge rather than intending to tell them to stop) being so rude and acting like parenting has only just been invented (mental fucking load indeed - formerly described as "thinking"). And yet the constant expectation to babysit on demand, complaints about not giving the "right kind of help".

It makes me lose even more faith in humanity. The very nature of being irritated by relatives is because you care - you wouldn't give a shit otherwise!

Some of you really need to learn to appreciate your loved ones, even though they may drive you nuts sometimes.

Can’t you be honest and reply that he’s sometimes getting in a strop because he doesn’t want to give the phone back, so you’re avoiding letting him watch them all the time? Maybe it could be a once a week treat on a Saturday morning or something.

Not had chance to read other reactions yet so could be a lone voice here.. but the original post just made me feel sad. As a grandparent and as a mother.

Sure, saying you haven't shown it to GS yet due to x y z but don't be mean. You sound potentially pretty mean to a loving grandparent tbf.

Can you think of any other ways to demonstrate interest and care other than repeated sending of videos to a working parent and requests for comments on every single one of them to their timetable?

It's sweet they think of him but definitely pretend "yes he loved that!" Keeps everyone happy, they feel loved, he's oblivious because he's 2 and you aren't wrestling the phone off him for hours. I do this when SiL sends hundreds of cat videos, I've got my own cat if I want to look at one.... When he gets older they may ask him about them, if they see him regularly, so you might need a plan at that point, but at this age I'd do what works best for getting through the day!

It really isn’t difficult. A good rule of thumb (certainly if you live nearby) is consider first whether what you’re about to do actively helps the parents and makes their lives a bit easier, rather than placing yet another obligation on already busy, tired and probably stressed people.

She clearly states it’s lots of videos of eg animals they’ve seen and they constantly ask for feedback. If it was one ‘bloody video’ she wouldn’t be asked for advice about it.

How about talking to them.about it. Put some guidelines/ boundaries in place.
"Hi mum/ dad, little Johnny loves seeing you on the videos so much i cant get anything done 😂😂😂 I was thinking that if you send him one of two, I could show him at bedtime on Friday and then we could facetime on the weekend so you can talk to him about it, while I crack on with folding the laundry" or whatever works for you.
There's ways to say things, and ways to say things. I never wanted to upset my parents, but I'd give anything now to be able to play back a clip of my mum talking to me.

It’s a bloody video of his grandparents ffs. Get a grip 🤣

No she dosent have too.

Why dont they learn they cant keep expecting her to have time to her child these videos, they keep chasing her for a response too its over the top.

Tell them to stop. They shouldnt be bothering you with all that.

Oh god, definitely lie! Reply with ‘Ha ha! Johnny very impressed’

Then show him when you can.

My DH does this when he works away. My son had a thing for Thomas the tank engine and my husband sent me videos of fucking tube trains when he had meetings in London, complete with commentary ‘Look Tommy, it’s the 13.45 to Charing Cross! Choo choo mind the gap!’

🤦🏼‍♀️

A 2 year old shouldn't be getting screentime at all really, just say no..
Although difficult now that you've been letting him watch so they're sending videos out of love

They might mean well, but I would find this annoying aswell! If it was 1 or 2 now and then, that’s fine, but not all the time and pestering for a response from you and your 2 year old! I know it sounds miserable, but parents have enough to do during the day without another thing on the list with it being a regular thing!
If you don’t say something they’ll probably do this for years. Just say “as nice and thoughtful as your videos are, we don’t have time to watch videos all the time.” They could just show your son when they see him instead.
My MIL used to be similar and would constantly separately message myself and my partner on a night for hours, and all day for myself while my partner was at work. Again, harmless small talk, but it’s over the top.
Just have to leave time between messages and they’ll get the hint you’re busy!

This is about the least intrusive thing they can do. It's not like they're pushing for video calls. You've said yourself that your son loves the videos. So why would you withhold them?

Erm, have you met a toddler recently?!

My son loves chocolate, ice cream and endless YouTube. Giving them to him really often isn't good for him, and it causes a lot of emotional turbulence. Luckily his grandparents understand and broadly follow what we advise in terms of dos and don'ts for what suits him. I'd be pretty pissed off if I couldn't tell honestly.