Irritated by grandparent videos for toddler

Absolutely hilarious. Sorry OP - there is no answer.

"I don't experience this so therefore anyone who does must have something wrong with them"

😂😂😂

@supercalifrafair enough.

Darling, I also have a disabled daughter, my eldest, and her condition is quite severe. Don’t make assumptions. Because of this, I tend to see life from a perspective where most things can be taken lightly, especially a couple of videos from grandparents. I believe your response to the other poster was unnecessarily harsh and aggressive for such a small issue. Maybe you’re overwhelmed with other things, but keeping perspective is crucial, especially when facing bigger problems.

@supercalifrawere either you or your brother neurodiverse? Or are your kids? Do you have a support network (siblings/practically involved grandparents)? Do you live in a stressful part of the country (I live in London, which is pretty high stress).

I am an only child and my parents have proved pretty weak at providing any kind of support (even emotional support from afar). We’ve had to build a kind of urban “village” to make our own support.

These factors are among the things that really change how easy (or otherwise) one finds parenting.

You mention your mum doing laundry and talking to you. To give one example, before my son began treatment for his neurodivergence, talking to him often felt like a massive disconnect because of his quite severe ability to attend to what I was saying to him and respond. This is just one element of many that makes my experience of mothering different from yours and your mother’s: and probably more difficult. Our respective personalities play a part too, of course.

Im quite confident that I don’t enjoy parenting younger kids that much and I’ll come into my own once my child’s older. Many of us are like that, and that’s ok.

I stand by my opinion that, when other things are taking up one’s parenting bandwidth, having GPs send videos and chase for feedback is annoying - and, judging by the results of the poll, many agree with me.

Also - everyone who has said "its only 20 seconds" has clearly never dealt with a toddler having a meltdown because they want to keep watching that video clip for another 100 times and you won't let them. My two are great kids, i get plenty of remarks about how well behaved they are but I would loathe the thought of daily negotiations over my phone with them.

Utilise this time when your toddler can't disagree with you/reveal it to practice your white lies. "DS loved the parrot and the stars", "DS was fascinated by X"... then show them to him quickly before a real life visit. It's sweet your parents want to connect and I'd love to have family wanting to be this connected - but toddlers are hard to manage around phones so using white lies to balance these two realities is absolutely fine.

I limit screen time too, but 2 mins a day of a video of grandparents showing something interesting is different to sitting on a screen playing a game!

Honestly really can’t believe people can be so mean as to resent taking less than 5 mins to show these to their children - I feel really sorry for these grandparents and hope I never have such mean daughter in laws!

Aww that's so rude! They just want to be part of his life - which is lovely.

@Movingstressangst can't you pick a time (after bath and before story, say) to show them to him. Tell your parents that's what you are doing and you'll respond later that evening.

Edit: sorry, hadn't read your update about evening screen time. Totally respect that, but I'm sure you can find a regular time to do it. Establishing it as a regular thing should make it easier to get the screen away at the end too.

Surely this is the point that needs to be made ?

Thank you @saraclaraand nice to meet you! We got to laugh!

I love this!

Fortunately OP is at least aware that she's probably BU, but some of the posts on here are just nuts.

My mother worked full-time in the eighties, came home late, cooked, played with me, talked to me, and did laundry. She had my older brother in the early seventies without maternity leave and no disposable nappies, so she had a lot on her plate. Now we're discussing how a few videos from grandparents can trigger a mental breakdown in some people

I laughed at this!

I am still quite young and a mother of two. I find it astonishing how many women today choose to be mothers but simultaneously complain about the challenges of managing everything. I have a demanding workload balancing my children and a high-responsibility full-time job, yet I can’t understand the hysteria from some mothers, like this piglet89, who turn what should be handled with irony and a calm mindset into a battleground. My mother worked full-time in the eighties, came home late, cooked, played with me, talked to me, and did laundry. She had my older brother in the early seventies without maternity leave and no disposable nappies, so she had a lot on her plate. Now we're discussing how a few videos from grandparents can trigger a mental breakdown in some people. Honestly, this platform helps me see why I relate to very few mothers. @mercilousmingjust ignore that piglet89 who probably needs a bit of perspective in life.

Any toddler would be interested in any videos you show them. That means absolutely nothing.

Personally, I am very strict with screen time, my almost 2 year old has never watched cartoons or Ms Rachel except incidentally at other people's houses and never sees a screen except the weekly video calls with family or very, very ocasionally if I put the TV on if something big has happened and i want to see the news.

If my parents pressured me to show my toddler DAILY videos on a phone, when I'm the one to deal with the fallout and tantrums, I'd be extremely irritated.

You seem to be being deliberately obtuse, as so many posters on Mumsnet seem to be these days.

I am saying it is low effort of GRANDPARENTS to send vids and have very little other real engagement with grandchildren when they often have plenty of time to do so, particularly if they’re retired. I articulated that perfectly clearly in my earlier post.

Your DD’s effort in sending you videos is completely distinguishable from the amount of effort it is on your behalf to send vids to her. DD is the busy one in this scenario. She’s making the effort to send you videos despite having a full schedule. With kids (and assuming she works) she’ll be busier and spread more thinly than the vast majority of grandparents, whose child rearing days are finished. Therefore, it is more impressive for her to make time to send you vids than the other way around.

Finally, you (presumably) have ample time to view her vids at your leisure and don’t need to wrangle a toddler and expose someone very young to screen time, as it would be when you send vids to her.

I cannot fathom why this is so hard to understand.

Love this x

So when my DD and the grandkids send me videos, it's low effort on their part so I should be unimpressed?

I don't see it as low effort at all. I am touched that they're thinking 'Grandma would love to see this, let's send her a video!'

As annoying as it is, I understand as I’ve had this for years with my own parents and in laws with my 4 children growing up ( oldest 3 now have their own phones ) but I do think if anything ever happened unexpectedly as it did with my MIL then my children would have lovely memories of how their grandparents thought of them, even if it was just random video of them walking out and about in the snow or taking a picture of a horse in a field 🫠
I did say to both sets of parents that as I work full time and it’s busy after work with cooking/running the house/kids at clubs etc I may not always reply but I always just put a thumbs up to the video/picture when the children had seen it and then next time they seen DC they had something to chat about asking about the video or picture. I did tell a little white lie to the children and said I could only play the videos 3 times then it would disappear off my phone so they weren’t watching it over and over and holding onto my phone 😂
I don’t think your in the wrong the be annoyed as sometimes it can get on your nerves but just think as I said, your child and maybe yourself would be glad you had the video of your parents talking in the background as life is too short and can be taken away unexpectedly and those videos would be something you come to miss from time to time and you’ll be glad to be able to hear a voice you will miss once they aren’t here anymore. That sounds morbid but that’s the reality x

I am saying this particular KIND of interaction (ie: dashing off videos on WhatsApp) is lowest effort.

I didn’t say the OP’s parents personally were making the lowest effort possible.

I totally get this being an extra thing to deal with. On the other hand, my 73 year old, in good health very involved grandad died suddenly 4 weeks ago. He used to send us all detailed video tours of everywhere he went, in fact running commentary on his life via the family WhatsApp. It used to wind me up but what I would give for one of those videos now! I now am doing the same in his honour! Sometimes life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Just ignore the chasing or give a thumbs up emoji or yes just say he loved them. It gives them pleasure sending them. X

From one of OP 's posts

I'm so lucky that my parents give a crap about my kid and are actively involved in his life I know

And elsewhere she says that the GPs do a lot to help.

So no, they are not taking the lowest effort.

For the PPs saying “I think them taking an interest is lovely”: this is the LOWEST effort grand parenting going. As others have said - it’s lazy and also encourages unnecessary screen time, also placing an extra obligation on the parent to act as intermediary showing the video, then having to wrestle the screen back from the toddler.

Times gone by, screens didn’t exist and if GPs wanted a relationship with the grandchildren, they had to actually bother to interact with them in person and put a bit of real effort in. That’s what my grandparents did and I had a great relationship with them.

However, if the OP’s parents ALSO make an effort to have a IRL relationship with the grandkids, I think that is a bit different and I’d be a more tolerant of this behaviour then. My issue with my parents is that they made very low efforts with their only grandchild (I am their only child) until I basically had it out with them and told them it really hurt me. Think thoughtless behaviour like leaving a heavy 1950s hot iron on the end of the board plugged in while my toddler was wandering around their home and leaving pin cushions out. He was pretty kamikaze and it created an insane amount of extra work for us, as they sure as hell weren’t thinking about the risks.

So any videos sent like that from afar by people like that really irritated me TBH.

But he is interested and does like them????

Agree completely with this! What is it, five minutes out of your day to deepen his relationship with his grandparents.

I’d be pleased they cared so much and constantly had him in their thoughts.

if you get them everyday, why not incorporate them into story time before bed. Is a sweet and lovely thing.

I’m not a grandparent and nowhere close to being one either but I think the DGP’s taking an interest like this is lovely! I can’t understand the irritation 🤷🏽‍♀️ The follow up messages sound like excitement to know a reaction rather than being pushy.