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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to remove my daughter from ballet classes?

96 replies

BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:20

My DD is 3, and she goes to a weekly ballet class. It's a great set up because it's near our house, at a good time on a weekend morning, and means we have some time together without her newborn younger sister. She loves wearing the tutu and she professes to want to go to ballet every week. But once we get there she doesn't follow the class at all. The other children broadly do what they're instructed, whereas my DD only joins in the bits she especially likes, and otherwise will go into a corner and explore, do her own dance, come and sit with me and watch the class, etc. The issue is that other children then see that this is an option and often copy her, meaning that they're not following the class properly. I worry that other parents find this frustrating.

I do tell her to join in, or encourage her, and I will sit with her in the circle, but then other kids also want their parents in the circle, which causes much the same problem. If it were a more official educational capacity then I'd be inclined to push her to follow the rules more, but it is on a weekend and supposed to be fun, so I'm in two minds. We need an activity on a weekend morning which gets us out of the house, doesn't involve screens and isn't impacted by terrible weather, and she says she wants to keep doing it. But I do worry that maybe we should bow out.

I sense she may have ADHD (I was diagnosed in childhood) but she's too young for me to look at having her diagnosed, and if she does have ADHD then I'm keen for her to learn coping mechanisms.

OP posts:
BonfireNight1993 · 12/01/2026 12:40

MagicStarrz · 10/01/2026 23:22

OP I actually think you're being quite unreasonable. Not only are you taking your child to a class when she's clearly not ready and is being disruptive but you're not even stopping the disruptive behaviour while you're there.

I'm trying! But in fairness to her, she's mostly just going off into other parts of the room and doing her own thing, it's more that she's demonstrating to the other kids that joining in is optional. Which I guess it is, because it's an optional activity.

In general I think the suggestion to ask the teacher is the best one (and probably something I should have come up with by myself!)

OP posts:
BonfireNight1993 · 12/01/2026 12:38

WDWY · 10/01/2026 18:48

This sounds like an activitiy that is building connection between you two, and your daughter really loves it. How wonderful that you have this weekly ritual. So what if she isn't doing what she's supposed to! Maybe she'll be into interpretive dance when she's older! Like you said, it's not school. I'd just check with the teacher if she doesn't mind. If I was one of the other parents I wouldn't care at all as I understand that children enjoy activities like this differently. Ignore the haters who say she's too young for ballet!

This was such a kind reply - thank you!

OP posts:
Tryingtohelp12 · 10/01/2026 23:31

What age group is the class? Here they are 3-5 which is a significant difference. It may be that she’s just not ready. Here we have mummy and me ballet which is under 4s and ballet which is 3-5 so a bit of a cross over depending on the needs of the child. Honestly sounds like she’s not ready, which is fine xx

Usernamenotfound1 · 10/01/2026 23:27

My dd was like this.

i kept her in because i think ballet is good for them.

what turned the corner for her was when she moved up a level/age group and was in classes where parents weren’t present, and it was more structured. She seemed to get her focus on the teacher. I was worried about the longer class as well but no problem.

she ended up pretty good. She was the same in swim class which we also persevered with, she’s now national level.

if she enjoys it keep her in. The teacher will tell you if there’s an issues

MagicStarrz · 10/01/2026 23:22

OP I actually think you're being quite unreasonable. Not only are you taking your child to a class when she's clearly not ready and is being disruptive but you're not even stopping the disruptive behaviour while you're there.

user1492757084 · 10/01/2026 23:16

Take her out of the classes until she is five.
Play music for her in a park and dance about.
Your child is not ready for structured lessons.

mismomary · 10/01/2026 23:09

I'm surprised you and other parents are allowed to watch tbh. I'd leave her be if the teacher isn't worried, but definitely don't join in. DD can step out you can't step in.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/01/2026 23:02

Mine also struggled with ballet and later diagnosed adhd.

However at 3 all they did was be fairy snowflakes and flutter about. She was fine with that.

MagicStarrz · 10/01/2026 22:42

I would think she's probably too young and take a break then try again in 6 months or so.

I tried a hobby with my DC aged 3 and they were clearly not ready. Not joining in all the time, running out to me for a hug, so after a few instances of this I told them we'd try again when they were four.

It can be disruptive to the other children, encouraging them to do the same.

HairyToity · 10/01/2026 22:39

My DD did ballet. I used to have to do it with her, and I wasn't the only parent. It sounds very normal to me. If she enjoys it, stick with it.

HoskinsChoice · 10/01/2026 22:31

Kingdomofsleep · 10/01/2026 18:25

She's 3... I wouldn't jump to assume adhd, she's so young to be following all the instructions in a class. Many Reception pupils find that hard, and they're 4/5.

I'd just go with the flow if I were you, and not over analyse it

But the rest of the kids are following the teacher unless the OPs daughter distracts them. If I was the teacher and the other parents, I'd be quite pissed off.

Bearbookagainandagain · 10/01/2026 21:47

I don't know about special needs, but I don't think it's that unusual for a 3 yo to be distracted at a structured activity class.

We do a weekly sport class with our 2.5 and 4 year old, and we have to rein them in so they pay attention and follow the coach.
The difference for us is that it's outdoor and not confined in a room, and we don't actually let them run around to do their own thing. If they don't want to participate we get them to sit on the bench, we've put rules in place etc, and their behaviour and focus is massively improving. If it had not, we would have taken them off the class (because clearly if they weren't engaged then its a waste of time and money).

So I'm wondering if then issue for the parents isn't your daughter's behaviour, but the fact you're letting her disrupt the class and their children.

Ultimately, it's the teacher/owner decision though. If they're fine with it then it's up to them how they want to run their class.

sunshine244 · 10/01/2026 21:32

My kids were both like this. Child 1 at a kids gymnastics class rarely followed the activities they were supposed to. Tried a music and movement type class same issue. Now diagnosed AuDHD.

Child 2 was the only one at baby massage class that didn't sit still. Tried a toddler football group and it was a disaster. Or waiting list for AuDHD assessment.

🫣🫣

sprigatito · 10/01/2026 21:20

LittlePetitePsychopath · 10/01/2026 19:51

Then you stop going.

We stopped taking DS to football for a while because he distracted his friends. He’d play for half the lesson and then they’d wander off or play their own game. It wasn’t fair on the other parents.

If she wants to go to ballet, she needs to do what the ballet teacher is asking them to do. If she won’t, or can’t, it’s not right for her right now, and it’s not fair on the other parents/children paying for the class to be distracted by her.

It sucks but perhaps you can try again in 6 months or so. We’ve been back at football for 18 months or so now and he’s great.

I disagree. If the teacher is happy to have her in the class, then she has every right to be there. As for the other parents…it’s a toddler ballet class, not Sadler’s Wells. They can get over themselves or find a less inclusive teacher.

Hankunamatata · 10/01/2026 21:19

Hi. Iv 3 adhd boys and tried so many activities and classes.

I'd ditch the ballet for now and go for something more physically engaging.

Rugby tots was good though ended up doing most alongside dc. Swimming worked but had to go for 1:1 lessons as totally distracted by others. They loved running around a playground. They hated anything with circle time like music classes or story time.

Bitzee · 10/01/2026 21:14

BusMumsHoliday · 10/01/2026 20:19

I would also really second Playball which was also great for my ND son. I think it's a great introduction to structured classes for kids because they keep it fast paced and the group size is small. Our instructor was also amazing: the kids adored him!

I’ll 3rd playball. My DD, not ND but just didn't get on with ballet, loved playball. She’s 8 now and her hobbies are tennis, rugby and hockey so sporty stuff was clearly more her thing.

francii · 10/01/2026 20:24

What about football? My nearly 2 year old goes to soccer stars, which has an 18mths-3yrs class. It’s brilliant as it’s mandatory parent participation and it’s on a big pitch, they are free to just run about and if the younger ones don’t participate in the actual activities nobody’s bothered. But there is also opportunities to learn how to follow basic instructions as they go along.

BusMumsHoliday · 10/01/2026 20:19

LadybirdDaphne · 10/01/2026 19:29

My DD was like this - would wander off and do her own thing in baby ballet and at the structured bit of toddler groups (where they sit together and sing). She was diagnosed as autistic at age 6 - the lack of joining in wasn’t the only sign obviously, she also had sensory and other social issues.

The only class that really worked was Playball (an introduction to sports starting from age 2), but that was because the teacher was brilliant and seemed to really understand her.

I would also really second Playball which was also great for my ND son. I think it's a great introduction to structured classes for kids because they keep it fast paced and the group size is small. Our instructor was also amazing: the kids adored him!

BusMumsHoliday · 10/01/2026 20:16

My DD just moved up out of a similar class (roughly up to 3, parents sit in); this sounds totally normal to me. Every week, they'd be a couple of children that would drift away from the class and drift back, do some bits and not others. If other parents want their kids to pay attention, they can encourage them back to class. Your DD isn't lying in the middle of the floor screaming, or dragging other kids away to play a noisy game. She's just being a 3 year old.

My DD was also a bit like this: would do some bits, but mostly only when I did it, often just played with the props how she wanted to. Then about 2 months ago, it all just clicked. Then they moved her up (to a class where parents are outside).

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 10/01/2026 20:03

Thelondonone · 10/01/2026 18:26

Do you have to stay? Even baby ballet where I live doesn’t allow parents. I think she’d be better if you weren’t an option.

This? It's quite unusual that the teacher is allowing parents in the room. Usually ballet in particular they are keen for parents to wait outside the room for exactly this reason, the kids tend to engage better when you aren't there
When my daughter did ballet at that age parents waited outside and could see into the class through some small windows that had reflective stuff on the other side so I think looked like mirrors to the kids 😂

LittlePetitePsychopath · 10/01/2026 19:51

BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:26

No, I haven't posted about this before. I don't think the teacher is bothered (if she is then she hasn't made it clear). It's not a very full class so I'd imagine she's keen for the money. The other parents do seem a little bit annoyed by it. I'll have a look at the other thread!

Then you stop going.

We stopped taking DS to football for a while because he distracted his friends. He’d play for half the lesson and then they’d wander off or play their own game. It wasn’t fair on the other parents.

If she wants to go to ballet, she needs to do what the ballet teacher is asking them to do. If she won’t, or can’t, it’s not right for her right now, and it’s not fair on the other parents/children paying for the class to be distracted by her.

It sucks but perhaps you can try again in 6 months or so. We’ve been back at football for 18 months or so now and he’s great.

MargaretThursday · 10/01/2026 19:47

How long's she been doing it?

Dd1 started ballet classes at 3yo, desperate to do what her older friends were doing.
They didn't allow parents in, but the teacher said I could go in to help settle her.
The first term she basically sat on the side watching with me.

The second term she went in on her own as though she'd always done it and didn't look back.
I found as she got older she always did take a term to warm into anything new.

Dd2 skipped in at 2yo and loved it straight off. Ds started at 2.5yo and was more similar to dd1, but did go on his own, although if he wasn't sure about doing anything he'd just sit down and watch (which the teacher was happy with)

However I'd never go for a class which has parents sitting on the side (different if it's a parent and child and parents are doing the same) as it is so distracting for the children, and some of them get very self-conscious.

I'd pull her out and wait until she's old enough to go by herself.

Pebbles16 · 10/01/2026 19:37

MiddleAgedDread · 10/01/2026 19:33

She’s 3, ballet classes and other such activities didn’t used to exist until school age for a reason!

@MiddleAgedDread I am mid 50s. Ballet classes for titchies certainly existed in the 1970s.

Cosleepingadvice · 10/01/2026 19:36

DD1 began ballet at 3.5y and to be honest didnt really get much out of it until she turned 4y. Luckily, the class was full of similarly minded 3yo so she wasnt out of sync! Now shes 4.5y and can really focus and follow the whole class. If you want, you could give her a couple of terms break and try again when shes closer to 4yo. It was amazing the difference in my DD, in just a couple of terms.

You might also want to consider if the age range of the class is too big. Our class was 2-4y, 4y-6y so quite nice. DD has just moved into the older class this term and has come home today raving about being able to try barre work. On the other ballet thread (which i also read), one of the issues was i think the age range of the class was very big.

Pebbles16 · 10/01/2026 19:36

Liftedmeup · 10/01/2026 18:27

She’s far too young for ballet classes.

I did ballet from 2.5 - loved it. Kept it up until I left uni (adult ballet wasn't really a thing back then). It has given me good posture and great joy...I'm now a Silver Swan!
Ballet doesn't have to be a lifelong passion but I am so pleased I was given the opportunity - and my back thanks me.