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Original poster

Partner lied to me about his best friend cheating

87 replies

Rubylu · 08/01/2026 16:42

I’ve recently found out my partners bestfriend was having an affair on his girlfriend. I asked my partner multiple times if they had split up, he kept telling me he knew nothing (even though it was completely obvious).

I then got told from a friend that they’d split up because he’d cheated on her, I asked my partner again to which he said he still didn’t know anything about it and his best friend wasn’t telling him anything.

My partner has now since told me that he did know he was cheating for the months he was doing it, he didn’t tell me as his friend had asked him not to incase I messaged his girlfriend and told her what he was doing.

Their Relationship is NONE of my business. I am not angry that I didn’t know the details, I am angry that he has lied to me, to my face multiple times especially when I’ve asked him repeatedly. His argument is that he was trying to be a good friend and he isn’t a “gossip”. I told him a good friend shouldn’t come at the expense of lying to my face for months.

Once I knew they’d split up I was going to message the girlfriend and just say always here if you need a chat, we get on really well have been on holidays together etc, he steered me away from it saying it isn’t my business. He then admitted to me he told me to not to message her incase she told me that he’d knew all along…

I just feel like I can’t trust him now? I understand it’s his best friend but we have 2 kids together, if it’s that easy to lie to me, what else is he lying about? I trusted him wholeheartedly and this has really threw me off

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 10/01/2026 12:11

As you say 'Their Relationship is NONE of my business'.

So it's not something for you to be angry about him witholding from you. You didn't need to know.

I wouldn't necessarily tell my partner the ins and outs and fidelity levels of my friend's relationship.

Would you like your friends husbands knowing everything about your marriage? If you told them something in confidence?

Original poster
Rubylu · 10/01/2026 12:06

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 10/01/2026 08:55

If my best friend asked me not to tell people something then I wouldn't tell anyone. Including my husband.

I suppose everyone is different, my bestfriend knows that if she tells me something I won’t tell anyone, but she knows I’ll tell my partner and same with her, when I told her I was pregnant I told her not to tell anyone, I knew full well she would tell her husband.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rubylu · 10/01/2026 12:03

GanninHyem · 10/01/2026 08:55

Why would she want to chat with you though?

You've said you're not close, doesn't even sound like you're friends, and her pig of an ex is bezzie mates with your partner?. Obviously she won't want anything to do with you. I don't feel like this is genuine concern at all. From an outsider (and likely to her) it absolutely looks like you're fishing for gossip especially to take it back to the ex, or, you're trying way to hard to look innocent and that you didn't know what awful things your partner's BF was getting up to.

It's literally none of your business.

Edited
Show quote history

We’ve been on holiday together, I went to school with her and have known her 15+ years, just because she isn’t in my close friendship circle ( only about 3 people are) doesn’t mean that I don’t consider her a friend, and offering support to her seemed like the right thing to do.

I certainly wouldn’t be sending any information back to her ex, the man is a pig.

OP posts:
GanninHyem · 10/01/2026 08:55

Rubylu · 08/01/2026 20:12

I didn’t once ask her what happened, I said I hope she’s ok and was there if she needed a chat, to which she replied saying she appreciated it and she hopes we’re all ok. I’ve been through a nasty break up and when people who you thought were a friend don’t check up on you it’s pretty shitty. I couldn’t care less what is going on in their lives, I care about the fact my partner was lying to my face, maybe I’m too honest but I’d personally never do that and I expect the same back

Show quote history

Why would she want to chat with you though?

You've said you're not close, doesn't even sound like you're friends, and her pig of an ex is bezzie mates with your partner?. Obviously she won't want anything to do with you. I don't feel like this is genuine concern at all. From an outsider (and likely to her) it absolutely looks like you're fishing for gossip especially to take it back to the ex, or, you're trying way to hard to look innocent and that you didn't know what awful things your partner's BF was getting up to.

It's literally none of your business.

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 10/01/2026 08:55

If my best friend asked me not to tell people something then I wouldn't tell anyone. Including my husband.

FrostyFlo · 10/01/2026 08:48

Rubylu · 08/01/2026 16:42

I’ve recently found out my partners bestfriend was having an affair on his girlfriend. I asked my partner multiple times if they had split up, he kept telling me he knew nothing (even though it was completely obvious).

I then got told from a friend that they’d split up because he’d cheated on her, I asked my partner again to which he said he still didn’t know anything about it and his best friend wasn’t telling him anything.

My partner has now since told me that he did know he was cheating for the months he was doing it, he didn’t tell me as his friend had asked him not to incase I messaged his girlfriend and told her what he was doing.

Their Relationship is NONE of my business. I am not angry that I didn’t know the details, I am angry that he has lied to me, to my face multiple times especially when I’ve asked him repeatedly. His argument is that he was trying to be a good friend and he isn’t a “gossip”. I told him a good friend shouldn’t come at the expense of lying to my face for months.

Once I knew they’d split up I was going to message the girlfriend and just say always here if you need a chat, we get on really well have been on holidays together etc, he steered me away from it saying it isn’t my business. He then admitted to me he told me to not to message her incase she told me that he’d knew all along…

I just feel like I can’t trust him now? I understand it’s his best friend but we have 2 kids together, if it’s that easy to lie to me, what else is he lying about? I trusted him wholeheartedly and this has really threw me off

I get that you are annoyed with your partner for " lying " . But why put in caps that it is NONE of your business when you have been repeatedly asking him ?

Honestly , I think you are making a big thing of it . Try to see it as him protecting his friend .
I do feel sorry for the girlfriend and he obviously is not a nice man to be in a relationship with but as you say , it's not your business .

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/01/2026 08:40

It was about keeping his friends confidence, not about you and lying to you. Chances are if he’d said he knew what was going on but couldn’t tell you, you’d have been mad that he didn’t trust you to keep it secret.

PollyBell · 10/01/2026 08:35

Notquitethetruth · 10/01/2026 06:50

I'm puzzled by some of the responses. @Rubylu is upset by the repeated lying by her partner. In addition his continued and ongoing support for his friend.

Despite others being aware of the affair and the split, her partner continued to lie and deny. I don't think it's gossipy to ask your partner for clarification if others are telling you the friend has had an affair and split with his partner. It's communication.

@Rubylu you did the right thing by reaching out to the partner. How many women have come on here in total shock that they have discovered their partners affair? They then find out that others in their circle knew and kept quiet.

Supporting an abuser is never a good look. You are right to question your partner's behaviour. What is the status of his relationship with said friend now?

So when women want gossip it is now called 'communication'

ExtraOnions · 10/01/2026 08:33

If my husband kept on asking me the contents of personal conversations with my BF of 40 years, he would be told to mind his beeswax.

If my husband repeatedly badgered me about it, he would be told to fuck off.

Dgll · 10/01/2026 07:29

Your partner promised his friend he wouldn't tell you and he didn't. You sound like you might be the type to tell her as you even say yourself that you might be 'too honest' and you also messaged her when he asked you not to. His actions do suggest that he doesn't think you are discreet or trustworthy.

Celestialmoods · 10/01/2026 06:51

He shouldn’t have stopped you messaging her, but he is allowed to keep a friends confidence without being deemed untrustworthy.

Notquitethetruth · 10/01/2026 06:50

I'm puzzled by some of the responses. @Rubylu is upset by the repeated lying by her partner. In addition his continued and ongoing support for his friend.

Despite others being aware of the affair and the split, her partner continued to lie and deny. I don't think it's gossipy to ask your partner for clarification if others are telling you the friend has had an affair and split with his partner. It's communication.

@Rubylu you did the right thing by reaching out to the partner. How many women have come on here in total shock that they have discovered their partners affair? They then find out that others in their circle knew and kept quiet.

Supporting an abuser is never a good look. You are right to question your partner's behaviour. What is the status of his relationship with said friend now?

Fernsrus · 10/01/2026 06:46

It’s reasonable not to mention it but to lie to your face is wrong. Thats the key issue here. His primary loyalty should be to you.

thinkithrough · 10/01/2026 05:55

I think it's unreasonable to ask your partner to share everything with you, including what he discusses with his friends. I would not consider my partner a liar for not telling me one of his friends is cheating. We’re not the moral police and it’s not our business.

NameChangeElaine · 10/01/2026 05:34

So you found out from several other people about the affair / split, told him you knew as xyz had told you and he still CONTINUED to lie even after that? Is that right? Or did he come clean as soon as he knew you knew?

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 10/01/2026 04:42

Bros before hoes

ImmortalSnowman · 10/01/2026 04:32

Rubylu · 08/01/2026 20:12

I didn’t once ask her what happened, I said I hope she’s ok and was there if she needed a chat, to which she replied saying she appreciated it and she hopes we’re all ok. I’ve been through a nasty break up and when people who you thought were a friend don’t check up on you it’s pretty shitty. I couldn’t care less what is going on in their lives, I care about the fact my partner was lying to my face, maybe I’m too honest but I’d personally never do that and I expect the same back

Show quote history

She's not a close friend. You found out about the split from a friend, not from her. She's not your friend. You messaging her was completely for the gossip even after your partner asked you to stay the hell out of it.

Own your crap. Your partner doesn't trust you not to stick your nose in and he is right. That is exactly why you messged this woman that isn't a close friend. His best mate's drama isn't his to tell and it's definitely not yours to make about you.

ActiveTiger · 10/01/2026 04:24

Erm on this occasion I agree not everything needs to be shared since it was none of your or his business tbh

Isthisfunyet · 10/01/2026 04:18

I wouldn't want to be with someone who was friends with a cheating dickhead who bragged about it. You are the company you keep. Obviously your partner has some questionable morals himself. It is called human decency to not sit by idle and watch someone hurt someone else. I am so sick of the it's not your business brigade. No wonder there are so many cheating threads. Women aren't even standing up for each other because they are all not my business but I so want to read every cheating post on MN to give my view. Hypocritical at best 🙄

Snowingtoday · 09/01/2026 21:36

Ilovegrantnicholas · 09/01/2026 21:02

Christ! That's a bit pompous !!

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Pompous? Please explain.

He lied to OP. He condoned his friends cheating. So he can't be trusted. Pretty straightforward.

RobertaFirmino · 09/01/2026 21:24

A good friend never repeats something they have been told in confidence. Not even to a partner or spouse.

Your husband is a good friend.

This has sweet FA to do with you so butt out.

rwalker · 09/01/2026 21:16

i wouldn’t of told you don’t see the point of dragging people into other peoples shit

theres absolutely no purpose or reason Op needed to know

Ilovegrantnicholas · 09/01/2026 21:02

Snowingtoday · 08/01/2026 16:53

You partner has shown that not only is he a liar he doesn't have a problem with cheating. He not only maintained a close friendship with a cheat he actively aided and abetted his friend's behaviour.

I would never be able to trust him. How do you know, or how will you ever know, he isn't cheating on you and lying to you about it.

Edited

Christ! That's a bit pompous !!

Xmasxrackers · 09/01/2026 17:48

He had no need to tell you. It wasn’t your business, or his to share! You the messaged her anyway so he was right to not tell you

Original poster
Rubylu · 08/01/2026 20:12

ImmortalSnowman · 08/01/2026 18:44

So you messaged her to get the gossip after you knew they'd split up? No wonder he didn't tell you. It is none of your business. You are making it about you now.

Show quote history

I didn’t once ask her what happened, I said I hope she’s ok and was there if she needed a chat, to which she replied saying she appreciated it and she hopes we’re all ok. I’ve been through a nasty break up and when people who you thought were a friend don’t check up on you it’s pretty shitty. I couldn’t care less what is going on in their lives, I care about the fact my partner was lying to my face, maybe I’m too honest but I’d personally never do that and I expect the same back

OP posts: