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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to expect my child to actually do sport during a PE lesson?

29 replies

FootballOnAgain · 06/01/2026 18:50

My child missed 2 years of school due to EBSA and disability issues. He has worked very hard to get back into school, and the school have been very supportive. He is in secondary school and has been back full time since September, but he wasn’t doing PE lessons. I was so please that before Xmas he said he’d like to join PE after the break and today was his first lesson - he was excited about it.

He came home very deflated - they had played a team game and he had been made to sit on the bench for the whole lesson - along with one other boy. This was not at all his choice.

AIBU to expect that PE lessons are about getting kids active, not just about competition and leaving out the weakest students? I’m really disappointed and I feel like speaking to the school about it - I have a great relationship with them and would of course raise it in the most polite way to ask if this is standard and let them know that he was sad about it. WIBU to do this? Or is this just normal practice and he and I should suck it up?

OP posts:
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Libra24 · 13/07/2026 13:53

It sounds like there are mitigating circumstances here but actually I would drop an email. Why wait for the next time?
A polite email saying just to confirm DS is fit for pe now and unfortunately he ended up sat out of the last lesson, may have been a behaviour management issue but just wanted to clarify as he was deflated by the circumstances. Thanks.

Whatever the reason is, you'll either get a reply saying noted, thanks for confirming or you'll get an explanation.

I really don't see why communication with schools is seen as so taboo.
I know teachers are busy but it doesn't mean parents should shy away from speaking up. Quick and easy, you don't expect war and peace in return I'm sure but I bet you'll feel better for raising it.

Lamentingalways · 07/01/2026 14:21

FootballOnAgain · 07/01/2026 09:37

School had plenty of notice - I discussed his wish to go to PE classes with the SENDCO well before Xmas.

Teacher was not ‘used to him not joining’ - previously he has spent the PE lessons in the inclusion hub doing other educational stuff so PE teacher likely never saw him.

I am aware that behaviour is difficult and the teacher was in a difficult position, and the school generally is not good at dealing with bad behaviour quickly and efficiently.

I agree with pp who said teacher possibly was not aware this had happened. Having said this - it is definitely just a regular class size, ie 30 students - not half the year with one teacher.

DS has an EHCP but it does not make provision for a TA in every class with him, the school doesn’t have a TA in every class as standard. DS is very self conscious about feeling and looking ‘different’ and is trying very hard to avoid this. I will talk to him about speaking up if this does happen again, but while he has come a really really long way, I don’t think he is at the point where he could do this for himself just yet.

He has PE again today, so I will see how that has gone this evening and decide whether to raise it then.

I think that’s sensible really. Obviously you’ll have to speak to them if it happens again today.

FootballOnAgain · 07/01/2026 09:37

School had plenty of notice - I discussed his wish to go to PE classes with the SENDCO well before Xmas.

Teacher was not ‘used to him not joining’ - previously he has spent the PE lessons in the inclusion hub doing other educational stuff so PE teacher likely never saw him.

I am aware that behaviour is difficult and the teacher was in a difficult position, and the school generally is not good at dealing with bad behaviour quickly and efficiently.

I agree with pp who said teacher possibly was not aware this had happened. Having said this - it is definitely just a regular class size, ie 30 students - not half the year with one teacher.

DS has an EHCP but it does not make provision for a TA in every class with him, the school doesn’t have a TA in every class as standard. DS is very self conscious about feeling and looking ‘different’ and is trying very hard to avoid this. I will talk to him about speaking up if this does happen again, but while he has come a really really long way, I don’t think he is at the point where he could do this for himself just yet.

He has PE again today, so I will see how that has gone this evening and decide whether to raise it then.

OP posts:
Dgll · 06/01/2026 21:15

On average children miss about 3 years of education due to disruptive behaviour in lessons. This happens so much in schools. It can be 5 mins of disruption or entire lessons. It is a total pain in the arse for children who want to learn and it is the main reason why teachers leave. Unfortunately, the badly behaved children don't care if they prevent others from accessing the lesson.

Lamentingalways · 06/01/2026 21:09

blacksax · 06/01/2026 21:03

There is an obesity issue because kids eat far too much, not because of a shortage of PE lessons...

Exactly, two 45 minute lessons a week (minus the time it takes to get changed twice) that raise your heart rate slightly aren’t going to outweigh a crap diet. Walking to and from school every day is likely to do more for weight management. Another way to blame teachers for everything.

Lamentingalways · 06/01/2026 21:07

Just give it one more lesson OP. It was an error on their part but sounds like it was a one off maybe. If it continues then raise it.

blacksax · 06/01/2026 21:03

bloodredfeaturewall · 06/01/2026 18:59

yanbu
dc school in uk had two periods of pe every other week. no wonder there is an obesity issue...

There is an obesity issue because kids eat far too much, not because of a shortage of PE lessons...

Cherrysherbet · 06/01/2026 21:03

That’s such a shame for your Son op. Kids behaving badly are top priority again.
I can’t understand how some Teachers don’t understand how important it is to include everyone. Your Son was brave for asking to give PE a go, and he was not included or supported. That’s very unprofessional on the Schools part.
I disagree with posters saying give it time before you say anything. I can guarantee that nobody at School would have even noticed this happened, and how damaging this was for your Son.
I have a Dd15 with an EHCP and history of EBSA. I don’t let the school get away with this kind of shitty behaviour.
You are his advocate. Don’t be afraid to call this out.

User79853257976 · 06/01/2026 20:54

bloodredfeaturewall · 06/01/2026 18:59

yanbu
dc school in uk had two periods of pe every other week. no wonder there is an obesity issue...

How many hours of exercise do you facilitate for them outside of school?

MeganM3 · 06/01/2026 20:54

I do agree it’s unfair and you should speak to school, but it sounds like it was one lesson and the teacher was already under a lot of pressure dealing with a behaviour issue. They’re not miracle workers and your DC could have asked the teacher or a classmate to play. Even if they struggle to speak up, they do have the option to and it is a life lesson really. I have a child with an EHCP too so I do know it’s a constant struggle to have them fully catered for and include accessibly at school. I am trying my best to show DC how to advocate for themselves too, since I can’t fight every battle all the time. And I feel for the teachers, they have to remember so much and deal with so much continuously. Could you wait and see if this was a one off or a continuing pattern. An occasional oversight is not great but it happens, we’re human.

WiseFinch · 06/01/2026 20:52

HoppityBun · 06/01/2026 20:46

I agree with you wholeheartedly.

It really frustrates me that physical exercise at school was seen through the tunnel vision of competitive sport. When I was at school, there were very few who were really good at sports, but those were the pupils who were lauded and that was the focus of PE. The thing was, we all loved the days when we had exercise to music in the gym. Apart from that, everything was about competition.

Unfortunately, this carries over into adult life. I love swimming but I have no wish to take part in competitive swimming or in maxing out lengths and speed. It was a revelation to me when I went on a long distance swimming holiday and the sheer joy of swimming through deep water for an extended period is something I carry with me decades later.

Likewise until I damaged my back, I loved cycling. I still love walking and I’ve always been able to walk pretty well anybody, including all those at school who are charging around doing hockey, netball, swimming and all the rest of it. Now, as an adult I love yoga. None of these ways of moving and exercising were encouraged at school. It’s astonishing to realise the stranglehold that the “sports industry“ has on government policy and local authority facilities.

What want is to be able to walk and cycle to where we want to go, to have access to swimming pools where we are not subjected to the thrashes and frothers who charge up and down the lanes, apparently wanting to get their swimming over and done with as quickly as possible, and we want to be able to swim in a pool of a decent length.

Same with Yoga and Pilates. I see so many people in town who can barely walk and they just think that physical exercise is for other people, not for them.

If only we could have movement brought into our everyday lives and people were able to understand that these anctiv enhance well-being without, any need for competition.

Edited

Massive agree to this. Hated PE in school because I hated team sports. I actually love going to the gym, running, Pilates. If we were taught how to warm up for exercise/move our bodies safely/hydrate properly … rather than 3 years spent learning the rules of bloody netball!!! I bet most of us would have had a much more positive relationship with PE and exercise.

WiseFinch · 06/01/2026 20:48

Teacher here. I assume the teacher was aware there were two sitting out and had every intention to encourage the teams to rotate. However, he/she was pulled away to deal with behaviour. This is so all-consuming and shouldn’t take the teacher away from the lesson, but it so often does. Such a shame for your child but I really can see both sides.
Given that your child has an EHCP - where is the class TA?

HoppityBun · 06/01/2026 20:46

I agree with you wholeheartedly.

It really frustrates me that physical exercise at school was seen through the tunnel vision of competitive sport. When I was at school, there were very few who were really good at sports, but those were the pupils who were lauded and that was the focus of PE. The thing was, we all loved the days when we had exercise to music in the gym. Apart from that, everything was about competition.

Unfortunately, this carries over into adult life. I love swimming but I have no wish to take part in competitive swimming or in maxing out lengths and speed. It was a revelation to me when I went on a long distance swimming holiday and the sheer joy of swimming through deep water for an extended period is something I carry with me decades later.

Likewise until I damaged my back, I loved cycling. I still love walking and I’ve always been able to walk pretty well anybody, including all those at school who are charging around doing hockey, netball, swimming and all the rest of it. Now, as an adult I love yoga. None of these ways of moving and exercising were encouraged at school. It’s astonishing to realise the stranglehold that the “sports industry“ has on government policy and local authority facilities.

What want is to be able to walk and cycle to where we want to go, to have access to swimming pools where we are not subjected to the thrashes and frothers who charge up and down the lanes, apparently wanting to get their swimming over and done with as quickly as possible, and we want to be able to swim in a pool of a decent length.

Same with Yoga and Pilates. I see so many people in town who can barely walk and they just think that physical exercise is for other people, not for them.

If only we could have movement brought into our everyday lives and people were able to understand that these anctiv enhance well-being without, any need for competition.

Jeska7 · 06/01/2026 20:36

As you say it could be behaviour related in relation to the other kids which is a real shame. But also did they forget he’s now allowed to join in? Especially after the Christmas break and so the teachers bring so used to him not joining in. With so many pupils (likely a whole half year of classes) doing PE at the same time, I could see how they might have forgotten. Did your son say anything? I’d be tempted to phone and ask tomorrow rather than wait for a few weeks as others have suggested especially as your son was so excited. As you say, you can just enquire / ask politely and point out his disappointed your son was.

Nyeaccident · 06/01/2026 20:31

ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/01/2026 19:39

So it’s 1 lesson and you no that the teacher was struggling with pupil behaviour… so not deliberately excluding the weaker kid from PE. Give it a few more lessons

Agree with this
It doesn't sound like a nice school?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/01/2026 20:29

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 06/01/2026 20:28

My guess is they need to do a risk assessment for safety reasons. Would have helped if you'd given them some warning.

He told them before Christmas, how much more notice do they need?

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 06/01/2026 20:28

My guess is they need to do a risk assessment for safety reasons. Would have helped if you'd given them some warning.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 06/01/2026 20:28

My guess is they need to do a risk assessment for safety reasons. Would have helped if you'd given them some warning.

FootballOnAgain · 06/01/2026 19:46

Thank you for all the responses.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/01/2026 19:39

FootballOnAgain · 06/01/2026 19:08

It was volleyball - he said there was only space for 6 on a team so 2 had to sit out. I asked why they didn’t rotate it so everyone had a turn being out, he said the PE teacher was busy on another court because those kids were so badly behaved. So I don’t think it was deliberate on the part of the teacher and he may not even have been aware that these two were sat out for the entire lesson.
My child is not at all good at speaking up for himself, which all of his teachers should know - he has an EHCP which says this.

So it’s 1 lesson and you no that the teacher was struggling with pupil behaviour… so not deliberately excluding the weaker kid from PE. Give it a few more lessons

MrsAvocet · 06/01/2026 19:24

When my DS was in 6th form he was a PE prefect who helped out with PE lessons for younger pupils once or twice a week. It was voluntary but I think quite a few of the pupils doing A level PE participated. They particularly supported classes where there were pupils who needed a bit of extra help with PE. DS worked with a boy with autism and dyspraxia, not actually teaching him of course but he did the lesson alongside him and could re explain or demonstrate things. He also provided a lot of one to one encouragement made sure that the boy was involved as much as possible.
I think it was really beneficial for both the mentors and mentees and it might be an approach that would help your DS. I would ask if they have anything similar at his school, and if not, maybe they'd like to consider it. My DS and his friends got a lot out of it, it wasn't all one way traffic or exploitation of the older pupils and it really boosted the confidence of the younger ones.

FootballOnAgain · 06/01/2026 19:08

TheNightingalesStarling · 06/01/2026 19:02

Did he say why?

It was volleyball - he said there was only space for 6 on a team so 2 had to sit out. I asked why they didn’t rotate it so everyone had a turn being out, he said the PE teacher was busy on another court because those kids were so badly behaved. So I don’t think it was deliberate on the part of the teacher and he may not even have been aware that these two were sat out for the entire lesson.
My child is not at all good at speaking up for himself, which all of his teachers should know - he has an EHCP which says this.

OP posts:
Grumblies · 06/01/2026 19:03

He came home very deflated - they had played a team game and he had been made to sit on the bench for the whole lesson - along with one other boy. This was not at all his choice.

Did he not say why he had to sit there all lesson? I can't say I've ever seen a lesson where someone has sat on the side the entire time.

BillieWiper · 06/01/2026 19:03

That's rubbish. Why should two of them not get to participate? The children shouldn't be able to pick the teams. And even if they did there still shouldn't be two sitting out. Unless they were injured.

If he's not included next time speak to the PE teacher.

TheNightingalesStarling · 06/01/2026 19:02

Did he say why?

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