What are some symptoms as an adult woman that you didn’t realise were ADHD symptoms?

For me, it certainly has been present since I was a child. I was mischievous and impulsive. I was good at school but distracted and dreamy. I worried, a lot.

As an adult, it has presented as anxiety, which I have been diagnosed with for years. The hyperactivity can be mental, a lot of people refer to it as being similar to having lots of tabs open on a computer. I start something and then get distracted by something else before I finish.

I struggle with impulse buying, opening mail, I either do absolutely loads until late at night, or having a massive slump and unable to do anything.

I hyperfocus on things I enjoy and this has got me through a degree and a masters. If I have to study something that doesn't interest me, I'm useless though.

I lose things all of the time. I have had to replace my mobile phone many times as I leave it on the roof of my car. I forget to text people back and check in.

I am impatient and panicky when I'm overwhelmed and I have multiple playlists of the same songs, just in different orders!

Don't even get me started on time keeping either... It's actually a nightmare.

I also have terrible RSD and regularly believe I've mortally offended people and then avoid them.

I've been on medication for some time now, it helps me get things done and my anxiety is better, but I still get overwhelmed, distracted and the impulse control is no better.

Your post has really resonated with me Garroty. Especially with the maladaptive daydreaming with story arcs spanning years, I have a daydream that I've come back to for over 25 years with multiple characters.

One of my old jobs also used to have a "sorry jar" for me at work as I'd apologise for everything I did so much. I had been bullied alot at school though so I wondered if my sensitivity and almost desperate people pleasing was a little bit of trauma from that.

Everything else you've said I tick every box. I've never been diagnosed but suspected for over 10 years, and kept forgetting to ask about it at the doctors, been off and on antidepressants for stress and depression my entire adult life and teens but I suspect alot of that stems from ADHD, I asked my GP about it a couple of years ago and they said I didn't meet the threshold to be put on the waiting list for diagnosis. Although I'm terrible at explaining myself properly and after the fact realised there was so many symptoms I hadn't mentioned or just forgotten about.

I broke down when the GP said I couldn't go on the waiting list she told me to keep a diary of my symptoms and she'd resubmit it. However asking me to keep a regular diary past a couple of days is no different than asking me to write a million word thesis. It never got done.

The thing is I'm not lazy, I'm the absolute opposite, I just wish my brain clicked into gear and stopped going off on tangents where I end up doom scrolling and procrastinating with other jobs. Time slips through my fingers like sand. I can't even do things I enjoy because my mind wanders and I find it so hard to just get on with something or make a start.

Hope you find what you're looking for OP and if you do have ADHD hope your path to diagnosis is easier than I've found. Xx

@Sunshine16994 Just seen you mentioned being 6 months post partum as I think this is quite common with women with ADHD (and in my own experience too) and it becoming more apparent when you have a baby, as your coping mechanisms/routine are stripped away from you and your established system is no longer working for you therefore making the ADHD harder to mask/manage. Also there’s a huge drop in hormones.

I can't tell you how much I can relate to this on a cellular level :')

I can relate to everything that has been posted already but will add one that my assessor said was a very good indicator. If I’m sat in calm and stillness in the afternoon and doing nothing with my hands to keep me occupied, I will 99% of the time fall asleep. She said this is a common effect of the sleep deprivation we have from our brains being so active all the time that we don’t get enough quality sleep, the hyperactivity is internal. Generally people will have a cup of coffee to perk themselves up and crack on but caffeine affects us differently and won’t perk us up the same.

i have also learnt that transitions are an issue related to ADHD. With reflection I now believe this is where my PND stemmed from as becoming a parent is undoubtedly one of the biggest transitions there is. I struggled with the change of routine and remembering all the new steps I needed to take to care for this new little person and ended up in a kind of paralysis that I now recognise when I try to start other (much less significant tasks).

I’ve beat myself up and felt guilty for many years because I can’t do the things that others can do so easily. It’s going to take a lot to undo all that and accept me for who I am

I am ND w/ OCD. Diagnosed for many years now, though I was originally told I had BPD.

The trauma angle mentioned is interesting as I had an extremely disfunctional childhood.

But as for how it's affected me:

I've never held down employment (for long). Left the workforce in my 20s and could never go back.

I've started, got to 3rd year and on track for a First and walked out of a degree. Twice, two different degrees.

I've made large sums of money taking huge risks most wouldn't entertain (won't elaborate). I've been lucky.

Atrocious at maintaining relationships. People really try and try with me, I see the effort and care but I cannot reciprocate.

I can't form habits at all - exercise is a good example. But anything that requires consistency seems impossible. Like pp, I have to make a really conscious effort to do really basic things like clean my teeth.

I can't do anything unless it's written on a list. I start each day with a list. Every single little thing I need to do goes on it.

The real killer: I find pretty much everything except my current special interest excruciatingly boring. The boredom is intense and all-consuming. I work very hard to not become a drink or drug addict to combat this.

Being ND has seriously affected my life and I dearly wish I wasn't so. I would love to find joy in ordinary things, to have a job I enjoy, a rich social network etc. I am insanely jealous of anyone drifting through life in the 'standard' way. I just cannot seem to do it.

Without adhd Medicine in 3 sentences - change between topics and only one sentence answers as my brain is a whirl wind. Drives my husband mad. Have to put about 5 alarms on and pre alarms to remember to pick my children up from school 🙀 it’s usually after the 3rd alarm omg I’ve got a child to pick up 🤪 (although never forgot them) Usually late 95% of the time as I leave when I should be meeting people. Leave everything until the last minute.

With meds I know after one hour I will get more motivated to sort household tasks out. Better at completing admin too.

Still have to write lots of lists though either on paper or my phone.

Lost a stone in weight as I don’t binge eat chocolate in the day (as when I was feeling tired always used to go for chocolate) but you defo feel less tired as they are stimulates at the end of the day.

Without meds can not stand to watch a film at all. Too long / boring / don’t follow the plot. Or if I go to the theatre I clock out - same with people zone out.

Still housework is overwhelming (but less so) but I’ve got a lot of children and lots of items in this house and very lazy children who like their mother to clean up after them 😩

Yes I take lisdexamphetamine (also known as elvanse or vyvanse). In my experience op medication is both essential to lead a somewhat functional life and it is also woefully inadequate. It helps me to think clearly, helps slightly with emotional regulation and planning but it does nothing for procrastination and it doesn't last long enough. I also absolutely hate the side effects and how I feel on them so I only take them when im working as otherwise I wouldn't be able to do my job at all.

They helped a lot when I was younger though.

I think op if you can change your environment to make it adhd friendly (in a specific way that works for you) then maybe you can lead a productive and fulfilling life without or with minimal medication. When I was younger being on meds helped me discover snd implement strategies and make changes to my environment that I could use even when I had to stop thr meds (e.g. when I was pregnsnt). I also realised that i am much better at reacting to things rather than taking goal oriented action. E.g. when the kids were young I think I coped fairly well because a lot of what young kids need is reactive. Now that they are older and I actually need to plan and be organised to be a decent parent I am totally failing. I am also in totally the wrong job (research kind of job sitting all day at a desk and requiring huge amounts of self motivation). I love my subject and have moments of brilliance byt apart from generating ideas I suck at 90% of my job.

Initually meds helped a lot with my work but now nothing really seems to help enough.

Oh yes, I'm chronically late for everything and have a wonderful time blindness that drives my poor DH mad 😆

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I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD, as my brain chemistry was probably affected in utero through my birth mum being a heroin addict... and probably means my dopamine has always been a bit dysfunctional.

Things I can totally relate to: being overly sensitive to criticism; hyoerfocusing on things that interest me; conplete disorganisation unless prompted by my very efficient, organised husband,: took ages to learn to drive and failed 5 (!) tests - apparently I wasn't a "natural driver" 😅; forgetting appointments, dates, things my DC ask me 5 minutes ago; lack of money management/financial awareness; always overspending on useless things to get a dopamine "fix"; have literally been this way forever but was ok at school/with a structure of education.

I'll write more in a bit 😆😅

I had to look at your user name to check this wasn't an old post of mine that I had forgotten I made 😯

A few odd ones of mine (apart from the usual symptoms or maybe rather the consequences of my symptoms):

1. I can't seem to read anything in order especially not if it's factual. So I'll start reading somewhere in the middle and then keep jumping around. I have to consciously remind myself to read line by line after every line if I need to understand the text I am reading.

1. Always stressed and overwhelmed with an every growing to do list. I have NO leisure time or time for hobbies because I feel so guilty about not doing the things I need to do. So instead of either doing my work (whether personal or work related) or just giving up and having fun i live in a constant state of limbo procrastination where all I manage to do is the basics. The rest of the time I waste day dreaming, reading up and planning and buying utensils for sudden passions I never pursue or browsing my phone for rubbish.

1. I cant deal with more than 1 person talking to me at the same time. It makes me feel as if my head is going explode.

1. I'm always late. I know this is common for people with adhd but I can't believe how I manage to be late all the freaking time. I rush around like a headless chicken but no matter how early I start I still.somehow end up being late. The only way I can not be late is to be hours early.

1. I can't plan and i can't make decisions. I just can't do it. I can't decide what steps to take, what are the priorities or how to make concrete decisions. I spend ages reading and researching without getting closer to any decision. I can only make gut feel decisions.

1. I can't follow conversations with more than 1 person.

1. Reminders and alarms are pointless most of the time because I only need a few minutes bw the reminder and rhe thing i need to do to forget all about it.

1. I keep mixing up my words abd that is getting worse though I've read somewhere that it could be an early indication of dementia (im in my forties).

Unfinished projects. I get overly excited about something, which dominates my life for a few weeks and then I lose interest. I have started so many new hobbies over the years.

I also can't commit to one thing. I remember when I moved to London, one of the girls I shared with played hockey every Saturday afternoon and trained twice a week and I could not understand how she could do that, partly due to thinking of all the other things she could be doing instead.

Being bored after about ten minutes at anything - playing tennis for example, going to the theatre. Weddings are absolutely torture - 8 hours minimum with nothing much to do.

Zero planning ability, especially around meals. How can I know in advance what I will want to eat? Loads of food thrown away, especially when I decide to "get healthy" and I buy all sorts of stuff I then have no interest in cooking.

Yes. The combination of limerance and maladaptive daydreaming has ruined my life.

out of sight out of mind has always been a massive thing for me too.
I love people but if I don’t see them, I’m not bothered (except my children) and I never miss people (again, except my children). This has caused issues in friendships and relationships of course - I can only really be friends with people who are exactly the same.

And can I add re films? I'm the only person I know who rarely watches films because I won't commit to two hours trying to keep up with a story.

I try to watch films but the film has to be absolutely amazing for me not to fall asleep during it (or just wander off doing other things). My rule is to give up trying if I still fall asleep on the third attempt to watch a film.

Actually I paid for us to (try and) watch a Sky Box Office film on Christmas Day evening (The F1 Movie). I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and I’m 99.9% certain my 83 year old father also has it. He insists he hasn’t and won’t even discuss it. My Dad is a huge F1 fan (as am I) and his partner will watch anything so it seemed like a reasonable idea for the evening. For the first 10 mins of the film, my Dad and I were both up and down like yo-yos (getting drinks / snacks / feeding cats / switching lights off, just faffing, etc etc) and I rolled my eyes at my Dad’s partner and said “so no symptoms of ADHD in this house then”. It was hilarious to be frank. We did eventually get through the whole thing and my Dad’s partner says it’s the first time she’s EVER seen him watch a film - and they’ve been together for 30 years! 😂

Rsd whilst maybe common with adhd isnt actually a criteria though.
and the nhs dont recognise masking in adhd hence the need for second setting

I don't have a diagnosis but there's so much on here that resonates with me. I make lists all the time because I know I'll forget things if I don't. I then have to leave the list in the middle of the floor because I'll forget to look at it/ take it shopping if I don't. I talk over people because I know I'll forget my point if I don't, but I am learning to accept that it usually doesn't matter if I don't get to say my point.

I did learn to drive but I avoid busy places or driving into the city. The last time I did that I forgot how a busy roundabout works! I also find being stuck in traffic really stressful. Waiting at traffic lights, but worse is unexpected delays, which make me feel really panicky.

Re the "everyone feels overwhelmed" thing - I did some research once! Was in Boots just before Christmas. It was very busy, hot and stuffy. The music was really loud. I decided to ask other people what they thought about the music. Two people agreed with me that it was almost unbearably loud. Around five said they hadn't noticed it and five said they didn't mind it. Two said they liked it! So there you are - it's not universal that everyone is overwhelmed. I've walked out of shops before because I couldn't make a decision about buying something because the music was so loud I couldn't think. I take noise-cancelling headphones in a tote bag with me now.

And can I add re films? I'm the only person I know who rarely watches films because I won't commit to two hours trying to keep up with a story.

Constand tiredness!

@Garroty Sorry, I may not have explained myself properly. I didn’t mean that ADHD doesn’t exist. My DB was diagnosed at 4 years old, over 40 years ago when it was unheard of. Believe me, I know it’s real! Nor was I suggesting that ADHD sufferers aren’t hugely impacted in the ways you mentioned.

I’m talking about the many people who will see a TikTok reel and say “I was really upset when I asked that bloke out and he said no; I’m always losing my keys, I’m disorganised and I get overwhelmed in crowds, so I must seek an adult ADHD diagnosis”. Those things aren’t particularly abnormal.

If you’re self-medicating with drugs/alcohol/sex, you can’t hold down a course or job or relationship, and you’re regularly making rash, unhealthy decisions then that’s a different kettle of fish, and you could do with seeking help.

But in answer to your question, I often shut down and have to leave places when I’m over-stimulated. I can’t function when there are multiple loud noises over each other. I walked out of a restaurant halfway through a meal last week because the music was blaring, and everyone was shouting to be heard over the music. It was unbearable, I felt like I had a gun to my head.

I also think a lot of symptoms that people seize on as ADHD are completely normal. Most people are rejection-sensitive. It takes a very bold, self-assured person not to be. Ditto overstimulation. So many environments are overly loud, busy and visually stimulating these days. Life moves so quickly. We’re not content to wait for things anymore. Everything has to be instant.

This is a really good example of the tendency a lot of people (esp. those who are not neurodivergent, although I don't know if this poster is or not) have to write off ADHD symptoms as being things everyone finds hard sometimes. We're often met with 'oh yeah, I find rejection hard too!', or 'noise is so overstimulating!'

But how often do you find an environment so overwhelming that it literally stops your ability to process sound? I.e. your husband could be sitting next to you saying your name repeatedly in a loud voice and you're completely unable to hear or acknowledge it? How often have you missed the turnoff on a route you've driven a hundred times because your child was chatting to you from the back? How often have you had a panic attack and cried because a shop was hot and your scarf was tight around your neck? (And I'm not directing these questions at this poster specifically, but rather to the general population).

Or the sensitivity to rejection - of course, nobody likes rejection and most people are attuned to it. But is that to the point of dysphoria? An example - my lovely, kind, gentle husband who has never once in his life expressed any kind of anger towards or disappointment in me came into the kitchen recently and asked me if there was bread left, which there wasn't. My immediate reaction to this was huge guilt and distress, because I do most of the food shopping and hadn't bought enough, followed by a heavy defensiveness at what I perceived as criticism by him of me and my shopping habits. A wild rollercoaster of bad emotion which, now that I'm regulated, I can clearly recognise as unjustified and disproportionate but which was absolutely real at the time.

So yeah, the world is overstimulating and nobody likes rejection. But people experiencing those things aren't having anything like the same experience as someone with ADHD, and generally people know themselves if the struggles they're having feel out of the ordinary compared to everyone else.

Oh ffs. Spelling mistakes because I type speedily...and also getting really bloody frustrated at technology when it doesn't work instantly...I'll add those to my list 😂🤦

I've just applied for assessment for both autism and ADHD through RTC...was so scary but I'm glad I've done it. Now I keep over sharing to everyone that I've gone it, I'm going to feel very stupid if I'm just a lazy disorganized mess who can't cope with noise or sudden changes...but gets bored easily.

I recognize so much of what you've said OP...but I've just built up do many coping mechanisms over the years. They work...until they don't!

Just hone through menopause and I just feel like it's all got do much worse.

My mum didy childhood questionnaire and said she couldn't remember anything I did that was remotely ADHD in nature, as I don't run around flapping my arms like my son (ASD, waiting for ADHD assessment) does.

So I probably wouldn't get diagnosed, as there's no proof in childhood, even though I left everything till the last minute, did badly at school, had speech and movement therapy, and barely had any friends, daydreamed all the time, etc...she doesn't remember any of it. I used to bunk off school, wander off and not return to lessons, on a whim. But it was the 80s/90s, no one cared!

Hyperfocusing and then completely burning out and losing focus. Intense emotions and RSD. BFRB (body focused repetitive behaviours) and ruminations. Doom scrolling and inertia. Decision paralysis. Time blindness. Inability to start tasks that cause anxiety. Inability to answer texts. Difficulty with small daily life maintenance tasks.

The list goes on