What are some symptoms as an adult woman that you didn’t realise were ADHD symptoms?

I am 32 and got diagnosed with combined ADHD in November. I did this privately, as my area are no longer taking adult referrals for autism or ADHD. The mental health nurse at my GP does not believe these conditions can be present in adults.

I hold down a job, a house, I have a dog who is loved and cared for, I’m getting married this year to the guy I’ve been with since I was 19.
I was a good student in school, decent prospects.
I say this as, if you looked at me from the outside, apart from being a bit ‘scatty’ you would think I’m neurotypical.

The inside though?
Severe executive dysfunction - where I have a to do list as long as my arm but can’t do any of it. I sit on my couch paralysed.
Have an appointment that day? Nothing gets done, even if I have a work deadline.
If I need to take a bus to get somewhere? I am constantly in and out of the bus timetables, planning my route, setting alarms for when I need to leave yet still end up rushing out of the door.
I have a constant stream in my head of thoughts, conversations, songs on replay.
If I have a meeting? I want out of there asap. It is mentally taxing and painful to be sat still.
Impulsive spending? Buying things gives me dopamine, even if I can’t afford it, I’ll get it.

Failed my exams at school and left early.
Failed college and left early.
Im doing a qualification at work and it has taken near three years to get to exam 2 out of 4. Not because it’s overly difficult but because I cannot focus enough to do what’s needed.

Towards the end of 2025, I was struggling bad. I could barely function at work, at home, every aspect of my life was suffering from what I now know is called burnout.

I was fully convinced entering the ADHD assessment that I didn’t have it.
I have CPTSD, anxiety & depression previously diagnosed and thought (and have been told numerous times) that all the above was due to that or that I’m just not that good of a human. The shame was intense.

I had an initial consultation as the practice I’m now with also offer traditional therapies and was expecting to be offered that.
Between them and my fiancé, they pushed me to get the assessment and lo and behold, I scored as high as you basically can in every section.

I started medication yesterday. It’s the first time in my life my head has been quiet. It’s obviously early days and I’m in titration at the moment to find the correct dose but I could cry with the difference it’s made.

If your symptoms are impacting you, go get the assessment.

I have a happy, fulfilling life but I’m grieving the person I could have been had this been available to me earlier.

But the point I was making was that it isn’t a minor annoyance or slight distraction. It is overwhelming. I have to leave places because the music is too loud, it feels like I’m being battered round the head with 100 mallets having to listen to that, and numerous people talking, and chairs scraping on the floor, and some fucker watching a video on their phone. It’s completely unbearable, my heart races, it makes me feel trapped and hot and I can’t breathe. It happens to neurotypical people too!

But I don’t make impulsive, risky decisions. I have healthy relationships. I never got into trouble at school. I was a straight A student. I don’t drink or use drugs or have other unhealthy coping mechanisms. I am quite scatty (brain fog) and I’m forever losing things. But compared to my ADHD brother I’m NT. His ADHD has severely impacted his life, and he’s medicated.

But it would be easy to convince myself that I have ADHD if I were to watch these videos online that list a few of the more minor symptoms that most people encounter. The result will be loads of people convinced they have ADHD when they don’t. That’s not to say that some people don’t genuinely have ADHD. I’m not an ADHD denier.

I've even been told to be quiet and it lasts about 10 seconds before I start again. I know I should be quiet but my mouth won't behave!

Thanks so much for this post, it really resonated. It's so hard to explain to some folks the chasm between something being a minor annoyance or slight distraction, and that same thing causing extreme distress or panic on a regular basis.

@comeondover its actually really easy to do without lots of meat but yes its much easier to prioritise protein with meat.

There are many keto vegetarians!

Totally agree with this.

When you look back at my school reports there are SO many signs of my ADHD - endless reports about how I could be brilliant when I applied myself but didn't do so consistently, complaints about disorganisation, daydreaming, chatting too much, fantastic when a subject interested me but impossible to motivate when it didn't etc. Then there's the fact that I never had my games kit, or my homework, or my pencil case etc., the relentless procrastination, the fits of pulling myself together and being dazzling for a week then it all falling apart, the friendship issues. And a host of smaller signs too, like biting my nails to the quick and bouts of insomnia.

Neither my parents nor anyone at school ever suggested it might be ADHD. I didn't hear the word until I was virtually grown up. I was in trouble all the time for being disorganised, lazy, thoughtless etc. The fact that I could do well sometimes was taken as evidence that I was capable of it, and therefore all the time that I wasn't doing well was put down to me not trying hard enough.

I internalised so many of those messages about myself and spent so much of my life ashamed of who I am. The greatest gift diagnosis as an adult gave me is the knowledge that I'm not lazy, selfish and thoughtless. That it's neurodivergence, not character flaws.

Jesus this is all me! All of it!

Thank you, I'll check it out. I'm remembering now a book I read years ago called The Craving Cure by Julia Ross, which was all about the different drivers for carb cravings being related to different neurotransmitters being too low. It was v interesting and the upshot generally was more protein needed to provide the amino acids that are the building blocks of the neurotransmitters (on top of specific amino supplementation according to which kind of craving and which amino was low). I have done low-carb before and found it helpful for weight loss, but I've never gone all in on keto. I'm not veggie but I don't eat lots of meat/fish and don't really want to. Hmmm. Some thinking to do. Thanks for the input

Yeah actually, keto diet!

My psychiatrist told me to read Brain Energy by Dr. Chris Palmer. I’d been keto for years anyway because I had metabolic syndrome. I lived on carbs before that. Reading the book just cemented my resolve. I wish anyone with a mental health disorder could be given it to read.

Even though I have cPTSD not ADHD the symptoms were hugely improved and stay that way unless I eat carbs. Then I get panicky and jittery and can’t sleep properly. My symptoms are much worse when I indulge so I don’t.

These sound like ‘male type’ ADHD symptoms, not those listed as ‘female type’

Also noting that ADHD and autism appear to have strong hereditary elements. Would parents notice a child being ‘different’ when the child behaves just like them?

One of the reasons why there is a large peak of adult female diagnosis as most only start to recognise their own symptoms when their children (often boys) get diagnosed

I just wanted to say that I was diagnosed by the NHS with ADHD in 2023 and they managed to do it without any childhood evidence. I refused to involve my mother (and still haven't even told her about my diagnosis as she would be extremely dismissive) and my Dad said he wouldn't be any help as he couldn't remember what I was like as a child 🤨 I just told the mental health team this and they said no problem. The assessment covers a lot of questions about childhood and asks for examples from your own recollection. So I wouldn't give up hope that a diagnosis is impossible without anyone to ask or school reports etc.

Specifically the not being able to do multi step processes, the noise filtering inability and the lack of object permanence with people.

I have loads of these and am autistic so thought they were that. Am on waiting list for adhd assessment though.

its a condition that starts from birth so would be noticable to your parents and school

Er, no! 1970/80s parenting and education meant you were labelled as "dopey", "lazy", "naughty" or many other pejorative terms. Then you just carried on.

This level of awareness has only been very recent in the over 40s. We just soldiered on thinking we were shit at life.

For me - I have always struggled with organisation. Can’t stick to routine. Forget things a lot. Always lose stuff, my house just cannot stay tidy no matter how much I try. I’m late all the time - no matter how much I try to be on time. I get distracted by the thoughts in my head and have to act upon them even if they’re not important, it’s like a compulsion. I interrupt a lot. Fall deeply and totally in love or friendship. My emotions around rejection, criticism or people’s opinions of me can be very intense.
I’m a nail biter and have very vivid dreams. Struggle with sleep and relaxing. Always on the go but never achieving much.
School reports were always “talks too much” “never finishes a task”. Despite that I am qualified to degree level but that took me to reach my 30s and be actually interested in the course content.

these symptoms of mine are life long. I do not have a diagnosis but I am interested in getting an assessment as I feel things are getting worse for me as I get older and I want to understand why. I’ve been treated for depression and anxiety and ptsd from an event that happened in adulthood. But honestly? I believe these are symptoms of adhd rather than my adhd symptoms being a result of the trauma.

just to add - I’m not an expert, but my line of work means that I come into contact with a lot of people with adhd and it is only since then that I have really started to see myself mirrored in them.

Do you have ocd, limerance is common with people who have obsessive thinking.

Same with me. Having therapy helped me understand my triggers. My adult DD has been diagnosed as ADHD and when she told me her symptoms I had a lightbulb moment, in particular the way I have throughout my life 'interrupted' other conversations simply because I worry I will forget the point I want to make. It cost me dearly during my working life. I'm in my 70s and won't get a diagnosis or take meds.

So if ADHD is about the brain not managing glucose properly (thanks again to @Cazzovuoi for the explanation), does this explain why my relative who does have an ADHD diagnosis is regularly reaching for carbs? Two or three hours after a decent meal, she'll have something else. Is there another solution besides meds?

@OneWildandWonderfulLife your post really resonates with me, we sound very similar.

I had no idea I had ADHD until a psychologist who was assessing me for long Covid related work coaching suggested it. Turns out he was a ND specialist and later said he knew within the first few mins of meeting me as it was so obvious. I’m the cliched example of a middle aged woman who was diagnosed at 50 after struggling with depression and burn-out cycles my whole life and never understanding why. Somehow in my 20s I found my way into project management in investment banking / financial services so ideal for someone with ADHD (but also a trigger for repeated burn-outs) and I strongly suspect the majority of people I work with also have ADHD. On our best game, we are absolutely amazing at what we do and the speed we do it at is mind-blowing. But like everything, it comes at a cost and that is always the downside of the ‘good bits’ of ADHD. My finances are a complete shitshow and I decided many years ago to stay single / celibate as I just can’t handle the emotional intensity of romantic relationships (I definitely have RSD) and it ends up destroying me.

Exercise was my way of (unknowingly) managing my ADHD. I was completely addicted to it but it really helped me manage my stress levels and get my dopamine fix. I’m qualified as a gym instructor and have competed internationally in rowing (all while project managing in banking). Quite frankly, my life was completely mental and on the surface I looked like a huge over achiever but in private I was falling apart while on an emotional out-of-control rollercoaster.

The wheels have come off quite a few times (some hidden, some not) but what has really stopped me in my tracks was peri-menopause and getting long Covid at the same time, and then my ADHD diagnosis on top of that. I can no longer exercise due to the long Covid so my coping mechanism is gone. I replaced that with comfort eating but just got very fat and it didn’t help much. Now I’ve lost the weight but can’t find a way to satisfy my dopamine needs in a way that doesn’t destroy my finances or risk throwing my career away. Today I’ve actually taken a sick day from work because I need to get my shit together or I will lose my job. I need hyper focus to kick in tomorrow and if it does, yet again I will save the day by producing some incredible piece of work that wows everyone and buys me more time until I have my next procrastination / lack of focus drama. If it doesn’t kick in, I’m fucked. And so the bloody ADHD cycle continues. It is so exhausting. At least now I know why I behave like this but that’s cold comfort.

@comeondover I haven't been scanned myself so I’m not sure. He did say that it’s to do with the amount of neural networks and connections so I’m not sure that would impact actual size of the areas but it’s a good question.

Maybe if they did a functional MRI it would show more/less activities in those areas?

Oh that's really interesting. Thanks so much for laying it out. So presumably you can identify a C-PTSD brain on a scan then?

I took to driving like I’d been born to do it, and when not rushing like mad to get to work or any appointment, I absolutely love it. It is one of the few times that I feel my brain and body work in unison

This also describes me very well, and riding is very similar for me. Brain and body together.

My adhd has been a game of two halves. As a child/teen and young adult I really struggled- was disruptive and bored at school with no friends. I was put up a year (this being the early 80s- not sure adhd was even a thing) but it didn’t help- rather than just being the weird kid I was now the weird kid from the year below- a very unhappy time. Learned to mask by secondary school but v poor executive function still- got through on hyper focus and a good memory. University was even worse- I was either getting up to very high risk impulsive behaviour or else rotting in bed.

Things got a lot better in my 20s and I’ve learned my strengths and weaknesses. I can now be extremely organised- I’ve accepted that none of this comes naturally to me so have worked out strategies which take the place of that internal ability- lots of external structure. I have a good job which plays to my strengths- it’s very fast paced but for me that’s the sweet spot- I feel happy and calm while NT colleagues feel stressed. (Best analogy I can give is that my mind is busy like an ants nest, but fast paced complex activities mean every ant has a job.) Happily married, two kids (one ND).

I am a big believer in the hunter/farmer theory of neurodiversity and prefer to think of adhd as a difference rather than a disorder. Framing it in this way has allowed me to appreciate the benefits of my brain- I am creative and imaginative, I thrive under pressure, I am always coming up with ideas- and not just manage the disadvantages. I don’t take medication as I’m very happy as I am, although I think it would probably have really helped me when I was younger. Ultimately I’d love to see schools and workplaces being designed better for ND people rather than ND people feeling obliged to mask and medicate (no criticism here of medicating- it’s definitely the right course in some situations and has been a help for my ND child). I think lots of people with adhd are square pegs in round holes- one option other than making yourself rounder is simply to look for a square hole, but I appreciate that’s easier said than done

I also think inattentive and hyperactive are two sides of the same coin- there’s a need for additional stimulation and that can go inwards or outwards and IME that’s to do with one’s situation, age, personality type etc, rather than truly being evidence of two meaningfully different kinds of adhd.

Some small things-

Waiting mode is definitely an issue. You can ruin my day by putting a meeting in my diary at 5pm. I would be completely incapable of going away for the weekend with my flight home booked for Sunday evening- I’d have to sit in the departure lounge all day 😂

Follow through is still poor. Endless unfinished craft projects. Laundry beautifully washed and dried then left out for a month.

Eye contact is very much a work in progress.

When not masking, I have a tendency to walk around the house and stand in “fun” ways (fun for me)- prancing about, skidding in my socks, acting like a ninja or a robot.

Transitions need a push or else I’m sitting in the car for 20 minutes for no reason.

Still pretty messy- my cleaner comes twice a week and also tidies, thank god.

Very rich and engaging imaginative life which I really enjoy, but can spill over into real life eg unwittingly having facial expressions or even saying words which reflect the conversation or story in my head- can seem a bit odd.

You most likely have cPTSD. That’s what my psychiatrist said but you would need to be diagnosed to know for sure.

He explained that the changes in the brain for cPTSD are different than ADHD. With cPTSD the hypothalamus is smaller than normal because it doesn’t develop properly. That’s long term memory, emotional regulation and such. This happens because we’re always in fight or flight as children.

Then the amygdala or lizard brain becomes bigger than normal because of the constant fight or flight state. So we are constantly on edge, scanning the environment for danger and catastrophising so we can be prepared. It doesn’t allow normal functioning like remembering things, planning, concentration.

In ADHD the brain stops being able to use glucose energy properly so the mitochondria have trouble keeping energy levels up. The body then compensates by pumping adrenaline so you actually go into fight or flight. That’s why stimulant drugs work because they force the mitochondria into using energy and they’re able to pass the messages through the neurons better and manage neurotransmitter levels.

It was a fascinating class 😁

I am peri/menopausal and experienced what you have @Sunshine16994. I personally don’t think it is ADHD as that is a specific diagnosis. Why don’t you do https://bsw.icb.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/6/2022/06/Adult-ADHD-Self-Report-Scale-ASRS-white.pdf

This is my life. I feel that I have never lived up to the promise of my early years. I now realise that I should have been in project management, as I can do sharp focus for a maximum of 6 months, then I am burnt out and bored, and need to veg out for a couple of months. The inability to respond, particularly to anything on line has had terrible repercussions for my personal life, I am not quite so bad with work. I hoard stuff, have boxes of expensive items unopened.
I masked endlessly until menopause and then it all fell apart. According to my consultant there is an epidemic of women of a certain age being diagnosed. Women who in the past would have been diagnosed with depression.

Medication has helped me, although I don’t always remember to take it! It does dial back the risk taking, which was beginning to frighten me, and helps me to steady the nail biting, and constant grazing.

My parents gave me huge amounts of structure in the early years, particularly exercise. I do feel better if I exercise regularly. I think it gives me a dopamine hit, which lasts for some time. I took to driving like I’d been born to do it, and when not rushing like mad to get to work or any appointment, I absolutely love it. It is one of the few times that I feel my brain and body work in unison.