What are some symptoms as an adult woman that you didn’t realise were ADHD symptoms?

I do most of these things that you do. So does my mum. I had actually just assumed that these were just normal human traits because we were trying to do too many things rather than there being anything medically or neurologically wrong with us. It seems that most people these days have a neuro diversity of some kind: this makes me think that there is nothing wrong with most people: we just expect too much of ourselves

The PTSD /ADHD thing - if your parent/parents had adhd then there’s a good chance they took something, drugs ,alcohol, nicotine for the needed dopamine boost. Which could have caused trauma in your life depending on how serious any, addiction, if they had it ,was.
I really think all prisoners should be checked out and all drug addicts. How different their lives could be if their adhd was medicated

So sorry you have experienced this. Especially the bereavement counsellor who sounds absolutely useless! 🌺

I think my StepDIL has ADHD. I found her quite irritating for a few years but now I realise she’s probably ADHD (like her son) and I am trying to be more understanding. She seems very disorganised and forgetful; she talks very quickly and ‘in your face’, she’s never off her phone, she is obsessed with jogging and runs every morning and evening, she’s very untidy and makes a show of doing housework but very little gets done. She buys tons of shopping 2 or 3 times a week and shoves everything into
their 2 big fridges pushing old stuff to the back where it goes off or becomes out of date. She opens new cheese, cereals, bread and other food stuffs rather than using opened packs. She’s like a 12 year old. It’s hard because I can hardly say ‘I think you’ve got ADHD.’ All we can do is keep quiet and keep out of it.

I don't anymore, I had to come off them because I had horrendous side effects when taking them with epilepsy meds (and controlling the epilepsy was obviously a bit more urgent 😅), but I was on Concerta XL (methylphenidate). They were great, and I find it easier now to cope day to day without the meds because I learned coping strategies while on them.

This thread is fascinating.

I'm in my 50s and my life has completely imploded in an overall five year period and I am struggling and isolated and have no idea where to start with rebuilding. Prior to this I always managed to "muddle through" and weather various storms, despite many of the things herr being relatable.

The last five years have been multiple close bereavements, loss of my business, forced relocation, financial issues, and while one might imagine my issues stem more from depression than anything else, it feels as though something more is at play.

I asked for an ADHD assessment a couple of years ago which was a preliminary thing done over the phone by a very bored sounding GP who said I didn't match the childhood criteria by a couple of points so I didn't qualify for anything further. I had a social prescriber who passed me off to a bereavement counsellor, who is very kind but sits looking like a bunny in the headlights for most sessions and whose goal is for me to be able to look at pictures of my late DH (dead coming up foyr years) without feeling sad or angry....)

So I keep trying to engage but am always left feeling as though they don't know what to do with me - and frankly nobody does. I have three good friends and we muddle along together, but they have their own serious life issues and it has been drummed into me since childhood not to be a burden, so while we exchange war stories I can't touch on how desperate I feel.

My inner "critical parent" is strong and I feel as though I am potentially an attention seeker, so I withdraw at the least challenge or criticism, because I "know" I'm a complete fuck up on every front, even though objectively I've raised children, done alot of elderly care and coukd have run my business successfully if DH hadn't died and the COL crisis wasn't a thing.

So I'm not sure if I am ND - diagnosed younger people have suggested I could be, but obviously my inner critic doesn't like that and tells me I'm just a terminal mess approaching obsolescence due to my age.

I keep telling myself to just "sort myself out" and stop whinging and procrastinating, but I don't know where to start, or if it's even worth it. I don't have any idea of purpose or structure.

Anyway, sorry for the long ramble.

But thank you for a thread that is so interesting because it is so resonant with so many aspects of my life and personality, it is helpful to know I'm not alone.

I am on the pathway now for an ADHD diagnosis which was put on my radar once my child was diagnosed.

Once I had went through my child's pathway, it became pretty obvious that I had ADHD throughout my entire life.

My mum had often said, "if you were a child today, would be diagnosed with something". As a very young child, I was described as being overly talkative, overly hyperactive and hardly slept at all. As time progressed, and I lost my dad at 6, I became more quiet, but still prone to being a daydreamer and had quite a lot of internalized anxiety.

As a child, I was always above average in terms of education, in particular with English, where I was immensely creative and loved writing my own stories or poems.

As a teenager, I once again, was above average academically, especially in topics or subjects I had an interest in. However, I was prone to getting involved in a lot of harmful relationships, and became almost sexually promiscuous until I met my (now) ex husband and settled down in the relationship aspect.

I spent a lot of my teens full of anxiety and depression - lows of taking overdoses or contemplating suicide then major highs where I was absolutely buzzing. I was able to mask massively, so my school/uni/family/friends were none the wiser.

My 20s hit and it was the most overwhelming time for me. I became a mum and was stuck in an abusive relationship and once again, became sexually promiscuous and self destructive. I am ashamed to say I had multiple affairs to try and "sabotage" my marriage and force my abusive husband away from me. I was drinking heavily when I socialised and was arrested for drinking driving after I crashed my car. I was becoming an absolute wreck.

My marriage eventually ended, but I was still taking high risks with sexual activity, problems with alcohol (mainly binge drinking and using this as a way to cope with my feelings) and once again arrested for disorderly behaviour when I was drunk (but was released without charge).

Just before I went to my GP with concerns about ADHD, I hit rock bottom where I was drinking almost every day, I was having major anxiety and panic attacks and starting to feel intensely detached from reality. I genuinely thought I had schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.

I got myself into therapy (privately), which cost me a pretty dime but was well worth it for coping and dealing with internalized trauma. On my first ever appointment, the first thing I did was just cry and cry without saying a word.

My GP said a lot of my symptoms correlate with ADHD and it would explain my long history of up and down anxiety and depression, which was always just put down the "anxiety" or "depression" and never investigated further, despite a pattern.

In short, I went under the radar because I always did well academically, was able to mask very well in school and subsequently work and didnt have issues in holding down a professional job. However, my private life was quite frankly, falling apart. I was masking so hard with the public perception of me that my private life was suffering, badly.

@DontGoJasonWaterfallsthanks, that’s really useful to know. What meds do you take if you don’t mind sharing that?

I was diagnosed and started medication about 10 years ago and the two things that stood out most to me about being medicated were:

• I stopped finishing people's sentences for them and had the patience to listen to them speak the entire way through without the impulse to interrupt/finish for them, even the really slow ones.

• I could hear people talking to me, even if I was focused on a task, if someone called my name I heard them and could pay attention the first time.

Lifelong insomnia - now, late in the day have weaseled some sleeping pills out of the GP, thank goodness.

I don’t know 🤷 it’s obviously your decision, what difference will it make to your life.
I myself am forgetful and disorganised at the best of times, some people are smarter than others and are naturally more productive, it seems like every 2nd person is ADHD.
My Dsis highly organised, very productive, on the OCD side, ADHD’s first cousin. just maybe none of us are totally neurologically perfectly balanced.
The level of people that are diagnosed with some sort of neurological issue/disability is collapsing economies world wide.

Where would anyone recommending starting with a diagnosis?
I’m 56 and not sure I could face the GP.

Yes! Relate to this too. Just SAY it 😅

I cannot cope with the tv show "who wants to be a millionnaire" because of the way they draw out the questions. My husband doesn't see my problem.

Lots of minor car accidents. At one stage I felt I was getting to know the neighbours by crashing into their parked cars! I had to keep a couple of grand spare always to pay for people's repairs without going through my insurance.

@Garroty

“there are times where I have to dig my nails into my palms to stop myself screaming” YES!!!

I find it stressful meeting people who are very early. I struggle with people who speak very slowly and deliberately or who are overly methodical. I must drive those types insane too.

I totally relate to this. My SIL speaks with such deliberation and slowness, often taking long (like up to 45 seconds) pauses in what she's saying while she thinks about her next word, and there are times where I have to dig my nails into my palms to stop myself screaming or just walking away from boredom (even though what she's saying is usually interesting).

How did/do you manage routine around impulsivity (if you’re impulsive)?

I was a regular gym goer but did gym/swimming around classes I did, so maybe the classes allowed the structure. However, if I had to block book, I probably wouldn’t have done the classes as it would have been too much commitment/not enough impulsive time.
I spent quite a few years in my twenties working to travel - never had an itinerary as that would have done my head in, also had a strong work ethic. I did however hand notice in rather than have a grown up discussion, with one employer who asked where I was that morning when I was literally three minutes late which had impacted no one. I couldn’t face dealing with one way clock-watching on that level as was often asked to work late which I’d always complied with. The alternative would have been to always leave work on time which would have felt petty to me (a bit like someone making a fuss that you’d put 10p less on the shared restaurant bill, but staying quiet all the times you’d put £10 extra in to cover some of their share).

It’s normal life stuff that I find really hard that seems to come more naturally to so many others and logically isn’t that hard, but to me it is. I’m also a night owl, have always struggled with mornings and that isn’t always easy with the way the world works.

I am self-motivated which I think is a struggle for many with adhd (e.g. set up and ran my company, but there was a lot of dopamine winning new clients etc).

Good luck with your assessment.

I have been told that people with adhd can do well at school, uni, jobs, because they offer structure - but if you retire, have a baby and stay at home, get ill, the structure vanishes and then the overwhelm sets in.

That's what happened to me.

I need external structure.

I have been a gym member for years. If I don't book into classes I don't go. If I book a 10.30 class I am up, kitchen tidied, dogs walked, then bus to the gym. If no class, it's 10.30 and I have achieved nothing.

I need the scaffolding of bits of structure. Left to my own devices, it's a disaster.

I can relate to much of this. I have long covid and can no longer exercise. I miss work, I miss exercise, I miss life. I’m also in peri and have low iron. I don't know if I have ADHD or if it’s just a combination of the other things which I can’t seem to get any help for (I am not responding well to HRT so far).

I was bright, could get my head around difficult topics easily, was a people pleaser at school, so could pass exams. I wasn’t stretched at school and most came fairly easily, so box was ticked. I daydream alot from a child. I did still obviously need to revise, but it wasn’t with planners or timetables, it was erratic - an as and when. Homework (not until senior school) - mostly last minute. Coursework - I would sometimes try to start earlier and take more time, to counteract the ‘shit, should have started this earlier, I could have done better’ feeling. However, when I did, my marks were never any better than doing it last minute.

I’ve always been naturally messy, but needed ridiculous organisation inside drawers and cupboards etc. I struggle with timekeeping, but can meet impossible deadlines. I was a project manager and very good at it, which doesn’t make much sense on one level, but they were often fast paced projects.

I have 499 tabs open on my phone and over 23000 unread emails. My house is no longer organised - the mess is inside cupboards and out. I can’t do a hyper focus clean and tidy as there are many days I can’t even get out of bed. I’ve always hated routine - especially routine for the sake of it. I don’t enjoy noisy places, but used to, so don’t know if that’s a getting older thing, plus covid also made me partially deaf so the extra concentration in a noisy place is difficult. To smash out my best work, I need quiet and to be on my own. Headphones whilst working, would be a nightmare. The trend for study or revision time within school hours, rather than letting you go home would have meant poorer marks for someone like me - too many distractions, plus I need to sometimes speak out loud to ‘teach’ myself in a revision situation.

Was I inattentive and daydreaming a lot at school because if you have natural aptitude and don’t cause an issue, you’re allowed to coast? I certainly daydreamed less in the throes of a deadline, be it coursework or work. However, I still daydream and like a PP said, I also have multiple storylines running for years.

I can have several drinks on the go at the same time, I can have coffee before bed, if I’m up I lose my phone multiple times a day.

I cannot (seriously cannot) comprehend how people don’t have multiple thoughts in their head at the same time - most people don’t do just one thing at the same time. E.g. even if it’s just making a sandwich, you are obviously putting thought into the filling/retrieving items etc, maybe boiling a kettle, also thinking about work/putting a wash on/what happened last night/what the weather is like.

My brain has gone to mush in the last few years. I feel overwhelmed as it’s like having £5 to spend when you’re used to £100 for bare minimum essentials, but suddenly those essentials cost £200 (not about money, just an analogy).

Tangents and interrupting (due to interest) - always. It’s just that now, the tangents and jumping around topics are too hard to pick up again. I struggle to remember things, to form consistent and coherent sentences. I know I’m doing it in this post.

I find it stressful meeting people who are very early. I struggle with people who speak very slowly and deliberately or who are overly methodical. I must drive those types insane too.

I’ve always taken friendships seriously - never been a planner, but more a ‘I fancy doing this, who wants to join’. People tell me things, I can be a good listener, I’m a good confidante and would go above and beyond to help someone out. I can’t be the friend I used to be now. Alongside this, apart from my current very long term partner, I’ve been a commitment-phobe. I feel like I’m letting people down constantly as I have so little to give now. I feel like a wrung out cloth that’s been left on a radiator, trying to get damp but the tap will only send a drip every few seconds. Patience has never been a virtue of mine and once the ‘cloth’ starts to get 100 drips or so, this wait is excruciating. I’ve also developed a panache for ridiculously shit analogies.

Whilst people talk about the ‘everything is instant’ now, I feel that the ‘instantness’ I need is eroded. This is exacerbated my the limitations of my illness, which make planning really hard. If I’m well enough, I want to take the kids somewhere or do something. I can’t just drive and turn up somewhere. So much is pre booking into tiny slots, with shit apps and so much more contingency needed for parking, for everybody queuing at the same time due to slots etc. Why can’t I just scan my bloody booking? The admin around school and homework for little ones is relentless too and drives me nuts, digging into valuable family time for little benefit. Waiting lists for everything (be it healthcare, kids activity, an admin dept) seem long, sending something back online with some places is too big a feat, my accountant was repeatedly hassling me for January tax return in September/October. People seem to book things earlier and earlier in advance, shops seem to run out of seasonal (festival) items weeks in advance. If there’s an issue with an administrative thing, it feels like it needs constant chasing with little progress - much more than it used to. I find those things more of a struggle than the average person I think. I’d rather those things were more ‘instant’ and it took Amazon a few days longer to deliver or that retrieving ‘good’ information from the internet was less of an issue (as it used to be).

My daughter, 11, is becoming increasingly interruptive, daydreamy and struggles with simple decisions. She was also way ahead of her class academically for a few years, but this is evening out now. It could be hormones kicking in, could just be her, but could it also be adhd or a result of covid infections? It’s been getting increasingly worse over last few years.

Oh my goodness this is me, especially the fear and avoidance of criticism

I am not diagnosed either, but also wondering if I have ADHD.
I've always been late to everything, disorganised, and a bit 'different' but it started to get really bad during perimenopause. Now I look back and can recognise many other symptoms.

Really sensitive to criticism mainly at work and with colleagues. If someone is not super friendly one day I immediately think that I did something wrong or that they dislike me.

People pleaser. I cannot say no, and I find it extremely difficult to stand for myself

Incapable of making decisions

Incapable if finishing projects. I am super happy when I start something (personal or work) but find it impossible to finish them properly.

Constantly interrupting people. This is getting really bad now. I also go en several tangents when talking. I seem to tell stories in randon order, or jumping in time, without strict cronological order.

Incapable of concentrating if noisy environment. This one is new, and I found 'blue noise' a god send.

Poor planning and timemanagement. Huge procrastinator.

Risky behaviour, mainly when younger. I put myself in very dangerous situations (with men) without even realising.

Rummination and constant internal dialog. This is exhausting.

Loosing objects and forgetting appointments. This one is also getting really bad, and has also taken a new form: inability to process and retain information, as in I can ready an appoinment letter and believe I understood the instructions but then I realise I have no idea where/when the appointment was

😭

Drinking lots of coffee
Overeating - especially sweet stuff
Underperforned badly at A-Levels despite working hard
Very limited success in my career. Never really got promoted
The ability to hyperfiocus on things that are important to me eg anything to do with my DCs
Not having the bandwidth to keep up with the constant demands of the primary school for little bits of cash, dressing up, sending kids with snacks for class party etc etc etc
Anxiety
People pleasing
Being the victim of domestic abuse and also being controlled by narcissistis
Inability to get my financial ducks in a row- I usually forget or have too much inertia to cancel memberships etc

This is me!

I lose everything. I put things down and my DH moves them which makes it even worse. My keys have a tag on. I can track them from my phone. But I then have to find my phone, so my watch can make my phone ring.

I am usually SUPER organised because if I don't, then I am such a scatterbrain and will forget everything and get really stressed and constantly be panicking I've forgotten something, so being super-organised is the only way I can manage.

I'm academic, and when I'm interested in something I hyper-focus on it.

I can't sit still and do nothing. I fidget, bounce my feet, spin on my chair. I manage 10k steps a day walking round my classroom.

I can't watch things on TV unless they're really gripping. It's not stimulating enough.

I interrupt people when they're talking. I know it's rude, but it's because I'm actually interested in what they're saying and want contribute and if I don't say it there and then I'll probably forget.

I say random things that pop into my head. I've had to learn to filter what I say.

I find the kids so frustrating when they can't stick to my timescale or they interrupt me when I'm trying really hard to focus on something.

I get distracted by Mumsnet when I should be working and keep deleting my account to try and stop me getting distracted. 😂