Teen son been a victim of a scam

I can't get over how gullible kids/ young people must be to do this even with constant warnings and education - not judging OP, I'm also worried about preventing this when my kids have phones. It just doesn't seem to go in how bad it is to do this no matter what someone says in a message!

Hi it happened to my son when he was 17 and in the middle of his A levels, thankfully he didn't hand over any money or his bank details. I didn't report it apart from to Instagram who didn't care. He blocked the person and didn't hear anymore. I was just so thankful that he came and woke me at 2 am to tell me straight away. I still feel sick at the thought of him doing something to himself.

Thank god he has admitted it and has your support, it could have ended so badly. I literally have just finished listening to this podcast where a sextortionist caused two deaths. Just awful.

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/series/m002jsfw?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

You need to drill into him (and any other people with sons) that when they think they are talking to a pretty girl online, there's a high probability that it is a Nigerian man conducting a sextortion scam.

Before the MN bitches take me down for being 'racist,' maybe read the BBC expose here:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czrpedexleno

This happened to a friend’s son. The best thing they did was 1) tell the scammer who cares? How can you prove it was him etc. Because they can’t really.

These people are the lowest of the low. Tell them you’re going to the police. So sorry this happened. Tell your son it is happening everywhere. All parents should know this is going on and all schools should be talking to teens about this. My friend had heard of three other cases from people she knew. She watched her son like a hawk for weeks because she was terrified of how upset he was but he forgot about it and got no more messages from them

So we can see who couldn't be bothered to read beyond the first paragraph!
🤔🤔🤔

Is it? Not in my son’s secondary school so maybe it’s not nationwide.

He has never heard of this scam before we just spoke about it.

@worriedmum223 thanks for posting this.

I know you were seeking advice but sharing your son's experience (anonymously) is so useful to all of us.

My son is a bit younger but I'm going to talk to him about this. Understanding the process and techniques they use is really helpful and something we all should know about.

Because however much we think we can protect them, this can happen to anyone.

You've clearly done a good job because he's told you.

It is spoken about in schools.

Happened to.my grandson, he told his mum who called police. They said they probably wouldn't leak them and they didn't. Big wake up call though, this needs to be spoken about in schools. Don't lecture him too much he needs too know he can talk to you about anything.

There’s a link to some advice here if not already posted.

https://www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/online-safety/online-safety/sextortion/sextortion-help-and-support/

The brain is not fully developed at that age so he didn’t make a decision in the way you or I would, and even then adults over 25 with developed brains still fall victim to this.

She has. It's in second paragraph of the first post.

Your poor son. He will be ok and lesson learned.
I have had personal experience of this (not me but someone very close). She saved photos that she wanted from her profiles. Blocked everyone. Made profiles private. Changed email address. Re-added friends on new account but still private. No further contact from scammer.
There are 'nudification' apps that the govt are planning to ban so I would be tempted to just deny it was me if it came out.
It will all blow over. These people are scum. I watched a video about a woman in her 50s or 60s who believed Elon Musk wanted to marry her and needed her to send him money! People are scammed all the time. It's not uncommon.

Oh OP I really feel for you and your son. I would absolutely be majoring on telling him how he did the right thing in confiding in you, that he is a victim of crime and that you will always be his safe harbour when he has made a mistake and when he is frightened. Strengthening and reinforcing that bond and trust is the primary goal here.

Teens use of social media is a fact of life. Parents can all wring hands and lecture but it won't change. That horse bolted a long time ago and I can guarantee that the scammers and abusers will just find their ways around any proposed 'bans'. We keep our kids safe by teaching them how to use the tools in their hands and how to be wary of criminals and abusers.

The lessons teach themselves in these situations. OP you are doing a great job.

So my DD was groomed and sextorted at 14. In her case it was via snapchat and someone in the UK via "mutuals" I can't say too much because he's got other cases going on so clearly he was targeting local girls. Thankfully she screen recorded and screen shot everything so in her case they had enough evidence to arrest and charge him and he eventually pled guilty. He was already on bail so he's been on remand ever since.

Her case was not about money though, he was a paedophile (albeit young) that targeted girls mainly in our county and threatened violence for images.

In your son's case it will most likely be a financial scam from Africa. It's very unlikely they will share images, they work on threats and extortion and shame. He's not stupid, these people are very clever and plausible. In fact you should be proud that he's been honest with you - so many people are not and it becomes nastier and more dangerous.

Don't judge him, he's made a mistake that a lot of people of all ages make and it's more common than you think. The police might want to take his phone for evidence. (They are unlikely to charge him). I'd also get him a new SIM card.

We had been very restrictive on things and that backfired immensely because it's very easy to get around things. He's learned a lesson and won't do anything like that again. He will also have to answer a lot of questions from mates if he disappears and I don't think that is fair. But his accounts need to be private, he needs to not have his location on except for family and never add mutuals on snap. This experience is punishment enough.

DD is 16 now, still has time limits on her phone, but most importantly she is infinitely more sensible than 99% of her peers (and thankfully her pictures were actually not that bad and she never puts her face on SM except on private accounts, unlike a lot of kids and teens). We don't pearl clutch because I know what I was doing in my teens and am very glad that we did not have social media.

You've done the right thing by going to the police. I seriously doubt the photos will go anywhere.

Terrible situation, but it is a learning opportunity for your son. Try to stress to him that it's not the end of the world, because it's not.

I haven’t RTFT but here’s what I would do:
DELETE all his social channels and change his number.
at 14 he should be able to organically reconnect with people he knows and that’s it. He doesn’t need 1,000 strange followers or whatever. He’s 14, he can start anew on social.
edited because I’ve read you are considering deleting his socials.. I’d go ahead and do that right away.

Parents are generally weak. You make your own decisions whether to give you child a phone and let them have apps etc.
No teens missing out by not having tik tok etc.
Kids will thank their parents in the long run for looking out for them instead of giving into everything.

Thank god he told you, you should be really proud of him for that as it can't have been easy.

Just reply to the scammers, once, telling them to F off.

Sharing obscene pictures of a child, as they threaten to do, is a serious offence in any jurisdiction.

Nothing will happen. They will move on to the other 200 victims they have on the go.

Forget about it.

All a 14 yr old needs is a basic phone for texting etc.

Phones and social media are toxic and a threat to teens life
and money if they dont know what they are doing. Which they dont.

When you get it sorted delete tick tok for one.
Just use the phone for very basic stuff.

Your poor son. And poor you. This sounds horrendous.

As a side note, I’m wondering how long these ‘sextortion’ scams will keep going with the advances in AI and deepfakes? Is it feasible that people now can just say it’s a deepfake photo and not actually them? I know its
still a photo of them etc but is this now a way around it?

If they get in touch again with threats of leaking these photos, tell them if they do leak them, then they'll be pursued for distribution of child pornography. I'm pretty sure that it will be pursued regardless of if it's international. Scum.

Mate, come on.

“we somehow need to improve education on these things.”

Social media isn’t a NEW THING.

WE’VE HAD 20 YEARS OF IMPROVING EDUCATION ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

IT HASN'T WORKED!!!!

we’ve got more depressed, anxious and suicidal kids than ever.

you admit yourself, you have no solution.

well guess what? Australia has come up with a solution - a blanket ban. It’s new, different, never been done before and will likely make a POSITIVE difference in millions of teens lives.

If you haven’t already, call the police. They’ll take blackmailing seriously.