Teen son been a victim of a scam

You need to read the OP as she has said she has done this. Why do people never read the OP then come on with shit like this? It’s there in blank and white!

Definitely a new number and email address - he is only fourteen - it's not going to derail his career/linkedIn/future opportunities, to make the change. He can just give out to personal friends and start using the new email going forward. You can change the password of the old one and have access yourself so that you can occasionally check nothing is coming in, but ensure your DS is only able to use new account.

It's a lesson and some good things will come from it.

He spoke to you and you responded in the best way possible - responsible, caring, loving and practical. This will strengthen your bond with DS who will know that he can trust you with future problems.

He has learned a harsh lesson early. Better now than when he is older and less likely to turn to a parent.

He will be far more careful in future.

It's awful and I am sorry it's happened, but once you are through the thick of it, take the lessons and be glad of them.

You sound like a great mum.

@worriedmum223 Please no lectures about social media. All of his friends have it, it’s part of life and I really thought I’d done a good job educating him about the dangers.

No need for lectures about "social media." People can be victims of scammers outside of social media.

I'm going to be blunt with you, and you need to be equally blunt with your son. You and your son need to understand the following:

As a man, any time you are speaking to someone on the internet who is showing a lot of sexual interest, and is keen about engaging in sexual dialogue, or swapping nude pictures, then the person you are talking to is either:

(a) A man.
(b) A sex worker, who is hoping to exchange money for sex acts.
(c) A scammer.

And please remember that the approach hasn't failed because of you. Your approach is completely in line with most of society. Its becoming clear now that it's not enough yet even on this thread people are still hammering the 'educate' line. Its just not enough on its own.

My parenting style has never to been blanket ban anything but allow it in sensible ways (ie with restrictions) and try my best to instil enough common sense and education within them to know how to do these things responsibly and safely.

I totally agree. Blanket bans rarely work and teens often try to rebel against total bans. I think as parents, trying to instil common sense and education is the best we can do and we shouldn’t beat up ourselves up about it when it doesn’t go perfectly. All teens do inadvisable things and anyone who thinks that theirs don’t is being naive. Unfortunately social media has made things a lot more challenging for children and parents alike. I hope you and your son are okay.

Ooh, I didn’t mean conventional OLD. I meant having girlfriends - some 14 year year olds have girlfriends. We have to minimise the risks and make sure they know who they are talking to before they get into any of that.

Its a really stupid path to say that because we can't stop all children doing a thing that there's no need to try. Teenagers are not stupid. There are many teenager themselves who support the ban because it takes the pressure off them and makes it easier for them to shrug it off.

We can stop under 18s from gambling - not all of them in all circumstances, but enough to make it worthwhile - and the simple fact is that there just isn't the will to apply the same to social media (and porn). Which is a crying shame.

Yet you haven't read the full thread.

I know a lad this happened to but the photos were never leaked. These scammers just want money - the time spent releasing photos is time lost they could be spending extracting money from someone else. I would change all contact details e.g. phone number and email. That is relatively easy given his age and not having to worry about work contact etc.

She has?

WHY do so many parents insist on burying their heads in the sand??? Are we too busy trying to cope with insane lives? Too stressed to take on the challenge of saying no to our kids/ push against the tide?

Many parents are doing exactly the opposite. They are fully aware of the dangers which is why they’ve already said no to their children and not let them on these platforms. Why do we have to wait for a ban?

He’s too young for online dating

at 14 he’s too young for these platforms, he’s exposing himself to anyone’s perverted mind and his parents (like the rest of us) cannot protect him

Banning it might make us feel better and more content as parents, but the fact that many teens still vape/smoke/drink proves the point. It doesn’t remove the problem. As parents, we need to teach our kids about the dangers of these things and hope that they listen to at least some of the advice (the OP’s post unfortunately shows that we can do our best but all teens do inadvisable things sometimes).

@WizardOfAus

Oh ok. Well let's not worry about it then. Let's continue with the status quo and have more teens killing themselves and bury our head in the sand,

I’m not saying that. In fact I’m saying the opposite. A ban is more likely to give parents a false sense of security, thinking their children aren’t on these platforms. As a society, we somehow need to improve education on these things. I don’t know the answer, but I don’t really understand the mindset of parents demanding a ban. If they already know the serious dangers and don’t want their children on these platforms, why are they letting them on them? There are plenty of teens not on the likes of Tik Tok and Snapchat even though they’re not currently legally banned.

Your poor boy, this is a sexual assault and you need to handle it as such with him

I am told that your DS generation do all their dating online these days so your poor son was unlucky to encounter predators.

As well as talking to the young about social media we probably have to rethink how we talk to them about sex and how to navigate sexual relationships in this era of online intimacy.

SOME teens have found a way around the ban. Not ALL teens.

If a social media ban for under 16s means stopping MAJORITY of teens from being harmed, Im all for it. So should you.

Your son is not an adult and has done nothing to be embarrassed about but I can imagine how worried you all are. I assume it is against the law to share intimate photos without permission.

As others have said children and adults have committed suicide over these scams so it's very important to keep an eye on your son at all times over the next while.

This.

WHY do so many parents insist on burying their heads in the sand??? Are we too busy trying to cope with insane lives? Too stressed to take on the challenge of saying no to our kids/ push against the tide? Too sucked into social media ourselves to admit it’s bad?

I’m genuinely curious - can we drop the defensiveness and actually reflect on our part in this?

I really don’t think they will send the images on. Your son will sadly be one of thousands across the world being scammed like this. They just want the money. They will move on to the next victim. He can also go with the AI fake thing in the highly unlikely event they are seen.
As parents we all make mistakes. You sound like you have handled it well and the fact your son told you shows you have a good relationship with him. Please do not be too hard on yourself or him. He’s learnt his lesson and no doubt feels dreadful.

It IS virtually impossible to keep young people off social media. Their friends will have phones/tablets. And they all share skills on how to swerve firewalls and thwart other blocks/filters. The lid of this particular Pandora's box has been broken off and thrown far away.

OP - thanks very, very much for making this post. It's extreme helpful to see (most of) the advice being given. And reassuring to know this has happened to other DC and all has been fine in the end.

He told you about this, that is a clear sign of excellent parenting. Please ignore any and all virtue-signallers.

Ofc they can go around it but it’s very different story when parents actually allow it

they normalise a dangerous situation how can this be the same ?

Could compare this to bans on teenagers smoking, vaping or drinking … yes lots get around it but does that mean we shouldn’t ban them….

Oh ok. Well let’s not worry about it then. Let’s continue with the status quo and have more teens killing themselves and bury our head in the sand, safe in the knowledge that “teens will always find a way around a ban”

I have done. I’ve also read numerous articles explaining how teens are already easily finding ways around the ban. Anyone who thinks that an outright ban will mean that no under 16s will be accessing social media is being extremely naive.