To feel something like satisfaction that DH finally gets it (NAMALT)

I would say you have no ‘right’ at all to leave the children too though, which is what he’s done. Obviously many do. Scum.

Agree.
Your husband sounds spectacularly dim which is so unattractive, and his friend a total arse.

Yes it DOES. Second paragraph.

A close friend's son split with his first wife when their daughter was primary school age. He went off abroad, married again and has 2 children with wife 2. He regularly posts on Facebook about his "amazing kids" and his now grown up first daughter finds the "my amazing daughter" posts about his second daughter especially hurtful (obviously, she's never got a mention).

He gave her no support at all through her degree but is now posting about his eldest who's just started university. We know (from my friend, his mother) that he's obviously funding that one...

@Playingvideogames Well tonight his friend of 30 years, who walked out on his wife and 2 primary aged boys last year (1 of whom has significant SEN), has announced his new girlfriend (who he has been seeing for 8 months) is 3 months pregnant and he’s ’ready for the best year ever’.

Your DH may be slowly getting things, but there's another point that you're completely oblivious to.

He may be a completely awful man... but this completely awful man was selected by his former wife, and has now also been selected by his new girlfriend. Being selected by two different women is validation of this man and his behaviour.

So if this man is so awful and terrible, why is his behaviour being endorsed, approved, and validated?

I think your husband must be in a small minority, if he's shocked and disapproving. Men get a free pass for this sort of behaviour all the time and it doesn't seem to affect their reputation in the slightest. Child abandonment doesn't confer any sort of stigma on fathers, as far as I can make out. In fact, most other men (and quite a few women) probably think it's great. Because a staggering number of ex wives are in fact nutters and psychopaths, don't you know.

Yes, but not to ignore your children and quickly move on to having another with a new woman.

My DH only really understood how predatory some men are when DD hit about 10. Even then he tried "they must not have realised how old she was" and other such nonsense.
I think he (mostly) gets it now

It’s the disparity that grates. Yes its a minority but dad bailing and starting another family is common. Not in my friendship groups but several other men in the community have done it. Genuinely can’t think of any woman that has. I admit I don’t know any crack addicts though.

I get on well with my brother, we’re not in each others pockets but are close when we do see each other.

when he left his wife, my first question was “what’s her name?” My husband was shocked that he’d left his wife for someone else. I wasn’t 🤷‍♀️

But if a woman walked away from her children to have another baby with someone else while neglecting her others that new baby would be removed and she’d be an unfit mother while the man can leave a trail of kids behind him every time he can’t be bothered to parent and just start again at will.

Yeah, but you don't have the right to lead your life as you want thereafter. And you need to recognise that the divorce comes with that tradeoff.

Because your first priority has to be your existing children. You can leave a marriage and leave the home they are in - or ask your spouse to leave. But this is a choice to subject your children to something on the list of psychologically adverse childhood experiences. The separation of your two primary caregivers is a big change in the life of a child and unless handled with great sensitivity and maturity will likely harm them. Obviously not talking about abusers here, where it is clear cut that staying in the marriage harms the children. And yes, mum and dad not getting on is also harmful, but the choice to leave doesn't mean there is zero harm.

If your marriage breaks down it doesn't make you bad people but it is a piece of bad luck for the whole family that you need to live in awareness of until your children are adults. There's a tradeoff in whether its better for you to stay or split. It's fine to choose the tradeoff that you should split but after that you have to put them first.

That means no live in partners for many years. No step families. No blended families. Just don't. You have the right to be privately happy in your sex life, but it is not good behaviour to subject your children to a new family they didn't want and shouldn't have to deal with.

I get a lot of flak when I post this kind of stuff and it's one of the few things I am ranting and rigid about. Otherwise am a soggy liberal on almost anything.

Of course we choose who we associate with based on their personal values aligning with our own.
Are you friends with sex offenders or bullies or thieves?
Nobody is entitled to a friendship despite being a disgrace, it’s your business who you choose to be friends with and I could’ve be friends with someone I had no respect for.

I’m sorry to hear that, but yes as a woman not shocked at all. I think most of us have had this happen many times in our lives. I’m glad there were the videos for DH to see what it looks like, as we have daughters too, eldest almost at the stage where this will happen, my heart breaks for her.

Tricking a man into raising children that are not his is shitty behaviour. Abandoning children is shitty behaviour.

Fortunately, the vast majority of men and women do neither, so turning it into the oppression Olympics and smearing the whole group with the behaviour of a minority helps no one.

I know of two who walked away from their kids to start a new relationship. 🤷‍♀️

Exactly this!
Why is it ok for him to just leave and have the freedom to start again safe in the knowledge that his children are being cared for by the wife he left behind?

When is her opportunity to move on in the same way going to come?

Women are just as capable of this kind of behaviour as men are. Men might be more likely to walk out on their children, but then women exclusively commit cuckoldry.

Both are equally shitty behaviours but they should be judged at the individual level, rather than stereotyping entire groups.

My DH loves his big brother. But he came on holiday with us this year and I think it was a bit of an eye-opener. Constant gross misogynistic remarks about (very young) women tourists, saying openly he was "up for it" as SIL wasn't with us, etc etc. DH has previously told me BIL is to be pitied as they have a sexless marriage. I told him I wasn't surprised, as being with a bloke like that would give me the ick and seal my fanny firmly shut, and he admits now he could understand that!

Yeah but the man discussed in the op hasn't continued to parent. If he had I doubt anyone would blink. 'My DHs friend in his 50s left his marriage several years ago and has his children 50% of the time or has them 2-3 days a week and pays cms to make up the shortfall, is always at every event, has just had them half the Xmas holidays is having a baby with his new girlfriend's wouldn't carry the same concern. At that point you might get some judgement on his age or concern for his older kids feeling pushed out but it's not the same as a parent opting out and starting over

Is it an option for the mother of his children too then? Put them in care because it should be an option for everyone.

I never normally endorse people sending dynamite-y texts but PLEASE do this. Probably better if your DH does as I suspect you'd be dismissed as being a judgemental man hating woman.

Stating he'll have "the best year ever" whilst ignoring his existing and presumably very upset children is despicable beyond words. Bet the new relationship will be on the rocks soon when the reality of a newborn kicks in anyway. And if the GF was the OW then if they'll do it with you then they'll do it to you, as the saying goes.