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Original poster

Worried about the man I’ve been seeing

207 replies

whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 13:43

I’ve been seeing someone for 17 months - long distance a 2hr drive away. I mainly go to him as we do a hobby together where he lives. We see one another every 2 weeks or so. Recently he has not replied to messages for several days . We both live alone and, apart from this hobby, doesn’t do much else - I have family very near. He hasn’t replied to my message on Saturday - messaged today to ask if he is ok - not read so tried to phone - again no reply so left a voice message asking him to let me know he’s ok. He would normally do the hobby this afternoon - I know someone who also attends at the same time - would it be unreasonable to contact her to ask if he is there? He hates drama as do I but I’m getting really worried - it could be that he’s just ghosting me and don’t want to involve others if that is the case.

OP posts:
NeilAndrew · 31/12/2025 18:14

Harsh reality..... has he got a wife and kids you don't know about? Given the time of year and all, vanishing would make sense. If so, he'll reappear when he's back at work.

HandmadeNanna · 31/12/2025 18:13

WareColkar · 30/12/2025 13:45

I’d leave it a few more days OP but I voted YANBU

Definitely worth asking someone to pop round. You can also request a welfare check with the police if they don't get a response from him.

SliceofTosst · 31/12/2025 18:09

Bordgoose · 31/12/2025 18:04

Friend one ignored calling her boyfriend as she didn’t want to cause a drama. Turned out he had tripped late Friday hit his head. Monday evening his boss ‘broke in’ and found him barely alive. Hospital doctor said another 1/2 hour and it would have been too late. Check up on him please

Read updates. Go to OPs thread and click 'see all'.

Jorge14 · 31/12/2025 18:07

Yes I would be worried. I’d message her, if she says he ok at least you know he’s fine & you can move on.

Bordgoose · 31/12/2025 18:04

Friend one ignored calling her boyfriend as she didn’t want to cause a drama. Turned out he had tripped late Friday hit his head. Monday evening his boss ‘broke in’ and found him barely alive. Hospital doctor said another 1/2 hour and it would have been too late. Check up on him please

Sennelier1 · 31/12/2025 18:00

Very human to be concerned when someone doesn't give any sign of life, very immature of him if this is the only way he knows to let you know he's not/no longer interested in you. I don't think you should try and see him again. In a way it's good you asked your friend at the activity, that way she at least knows what a twat he is.

JMSA · 31/12/2025 16:33

Good for you, OP. You’re a catch and never forget it! x

Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 31/12/2025 12:19

HappyNYx · 31/12/2025 02:52

I wouldn't reply to him now OP, see how he likes it. In fact, I wouldn't reply to him ever again. Just leave the messages unread.

Also, it's clearly obvious that the woman had said something to him.

I’ve no idea if she has or hasn’t - it doesn’t matter to me either way

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 31/12/2025 12:17

murphys · 31/12/2025 06:17

He's a tool OP.

All these people making excuses for him, could he be depressed, maybe he's unwell etc etc. It takes 30 seconds to reply to someone who is clearly worried about you. I have been both of the above and didn't leave people hanging like this.

I agree with you OP, just blank him now. What is good for the goose and all.

If you need some distraction, go and look for the thread by Runningintherain, Dumped by text.
It really was a masterpiece in dealing with these twats.

I am also older (mid 50s) and have really just given up on dating anyone now. I also thought that the older generation might be less inconsistent in the dating sense, but that is absolutely not the case in my opinion.

I have my shit together (and it sounds like you do too), so having to put up with crap like this, is just not going to happen. I do not have the energy and most definitely not the patience for it all anymore.

I wish you all the best for a drama free 2026 🌷

Thank you - yes I have my shit together and yes, age is no barrier for being a twat!

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 31/12/2025 12:14

Lotsofsnacks · 31/12/2025 09:08

Now you know where you stand, and to be fair, from your posts, it seemed you were not too bothered if did ghost you, it was just the thought that it was immature of him to do this, instead of telling you direct. You sound too good for him anyway, hope you have a great new year :) p.s will you bump into him when you both do the shared hobby?

Show quote history

I’m not sure what to do about the hobby - it’s a 2 hour drive away for me - I’ll find somewhere closer I’m sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 31/12/2025 12:12

murphys · 31/12/2025 07:09

I will link them, as absolutely yes, the gold standard in holding your head up high:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text
Part 1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3835502-Dumped-by-text-part-2
Part 2

@whyisnothingsimple if you have not read these before, I hope these will help you a little today.

Show quote history

Thanks for the links - great read - OP is amazing. I’ve archived our chat and will leave things as they are. I don’t feel the need to send a goodbye message - I’ll just walk away with my head held high.

OP posts:
AriesFairies · 31/12/2025 11:32

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I would leave it another couple of days though.

Mummyratbag · 31/12/2025 10:38

Even if he was depressed he found the energy to go to his hobby, but not to message you and save you worry? He forgets your birthday and then texts a sorry.

Glad you have seen the light OP.

Notsuchafattynow · 31/12/2025 10:22

Agree he needs dumping.

Funny how he drops contact at significant times like your birthday and xmas.

He likes to keep you on your toes.

Here's to 2026!!!!

Onwatds and upwards!

Lotsofsnacks · 31/12/2025 09:08

whyisnothingsimple · 31/12/2025 05:48

Anger already found and dealt with - at the end of his message he did say hope you are ok xxx I’m not but couldn’t be bothered to reply - new year and onwards

Show quote history

Now you know where you stand, and to be fair, from your posts, it seemed you were not too bothered if did ghost you, it was just the thought that it was immature of him to do this, instead of telling you direct. You sound too good for him anyway, hope you have a great new year :) p.s will you bump into him when you both do the shared hobby?

TrumpDerangementSyndrome · 31/12/2025 07:55

bleakmidwintering · 31/12/2025 07:31

Get the friend to check. If he’s ok dump him because he’s being ignorant and letting you worry.

You read the thread first before commenting then? Hmm

bleakmidwintering · 31/12/2025 07:31

Get the friend to check. If he’s ok dump him because he’s being ignorant and letting you worry.

Pigeonpoodle · 31/12/2025 07:14

PixieDust91 · 30/12/2025 20:37

He's fine. The chance that something horrible happened to him and he can't access his phone to respond to you is less than you going out and winning the lottery.

You need to ask yourself... is this the kind of love you want? Stop letting these clowns clown you. I suggest you leave this fool in 2025. But you do you.

We know he’s fine because the OP has confirmed…. But it’s really stupid to think the chances of losing/damaging phone or being seriously ill/injured/dead are less likely than winning the lottery!

murphys · 31/12/2025 07:09

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 31/12/2025 07:00

@murphys If you need some distraction, go and look for the thread by Runningintherain, Dumped by text. It really was a masterpiece in dealing with these twats.

Those threads are the gold standard aren’t they?

I will link them, as absolutely yes, the gold standard in holding your head up high:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text
Part 1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3835502-Dumped-by-text-part-2
Part 2

@whyisnothingsimple if you have not read these before, I hope these will help you a little today.

Dumped by text | Mumsnet

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning. “Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 31/12/2025 07:00

@murphys If you need some distraction, go and look for the thread by Runningintherain, Dumped by text. It really was a masterpiece in dealing with these twats.

Those threads are the gold standard aren’t they?

mbonfield · 31/12/2025 06:55

Op Judging by his repose or lack of I think that relationship has run its course.

murphys · 31/12/2025 06:17

He's a tool OP.

All these people making excuses for him, could he be depressed, maybe he's unwell etc etc. It takes 30 seconds to reply to someone who is clearly worried about you. I have been both of the above and didn't leave people hanging like this.

I agree with you OP, just blank him now. What is good for the goose and all.

If you need some distraction, go and look for the thread by Runningintherain, Dumped by text.
It really was a masterpiece in dealing with these twats.

I am also older (mid 50s) and have really just given up on dating anyone now. I also thought that the older generation might be less inconsistent in the dating sense, but that is absolutely not the case in my opinion.

I have my shit together (and it sounds like you do too), so having to put up with crap like this, is just not going to happen. I do not have the energy and most definitely not the patience for it all anymore.

I wish you all the best for a drama free 2026 🌷

Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 31/12/2025 05:48

JMSA · 31/12/2025 04:00

Stupid shit. Men like him deserve to end up sad and alone. He has been unbelievably rude to you and it’s time to find your anger over that! Block and move on.

Anger already found and dealt with - at the end of his message he did say hope you are ok xxx I’m not but couldn’t be bothered to reply - new year and onwards

OP posts:
Monty27 · 31/12/2025 04:12

JMSA · 31/12/2025 04:00

Stupid shit. Men like him deserve to end up sad and alone. He has been unbelievably rude to you and it’s time to find your anger over that! Block and move on.

This. How come he thinks it's ok to be so rude to you? Absolutely not @whyisnothingsimple does he deserve another moment of your time.

JMSA · 31/12/2025 04:00

Stupid shit. Men like him deserve to end up sad and alone. He has been unbelievably rude to you and it’s time to find your anger over that! Block and move on.