Page 2 | Feeling really let down...

SpookyTeacup · 2025-12-23T17:58:50+00:00

Just been told by DH that I have no Christmas present this year as it hasn't arrived. I've got a feeling its exactly what I told him under no circumstances is he to buy me (sexy lingerie/nightwear) due to his reaction when I asked him if it was that - '.... no... why?'. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and I feel huge, disgusting and hate how much weight I've gained. I couldn't feel further from sexy if I tried. All I've asked for is a nice big pair of PJ bottoms that I can be comfortable in and will become part of my hospital bag. I'm dreading Christmas now because I feel like I'm going to end up crying the entire day, but also feel like I'm acting like a spoiled brat.

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 23:03

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 18:55

I dont need a lot of money spending on me to feel valued. I would rather have a partner who respects me and cares for me as opposed to buying my love

Show quote history

He doesn't sound like he does. Couldn't even be arsed to buy you a pair of pyjamas

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 22:04

AberEchtJetzt · 26/12/2025 21:10

It's not about the pjs though, is it? There's a much bigger picture here

This

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 22:03

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 19:41

He's really not off the hook at all. I'm evidently still pissed with him, which I'm guessing is why he's now getting all these things done which he knows I want doing. Just not sure divorcing someone over PJs at 30 weeks pregnant, like other PPs have suggested, is acting rationally when this is a first

You said that he's been treating you poorly for a while I'm sure. It's not about pj's. It's about the laughing at you. The buying you nothing. The dismissing your feelings. The gamingm I didn't say divorce him but there are some huge red flags in your previous posts. Don't ignore them

AberEchtJetzt · 26/12/2025 21:10

It's not about the pjs though, is it? There's a much bigger picture here

Bigcat25 · 26/12/2025 20:06

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 19:41

He's really not off the hook at all. I'm evidently still pissed with him, which I'm guessing is why he's now getting all these things done which he knows I want doing. Just not sure divorcing someone over PJs at 30 weeks pregnant, like other PPs have suggested, is acting rationally when this is a first

This is a sane take. No reason to hurry or make a rash decision.

RawBloomers · 26/12/2025 19:57

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 19:41

He's really not off the hook at all. I'm evidently still pissed with him, which I'm guessing is why he's now getting all these things done which he knows I want doing. Just not sure divorcing someone over PJs at 30 weeks pregnant, like other PPs have suggested, is acting rationally when this is a first

I agree that divorcing hm over a pair of PJs would be absurd. But I do think you should be thinking hard about the fact he's been an arsehole lately, just when you need him to step up.

It would be wise to make sure you have a sound plan B so you have better options if things don't improve massively, especially in the months just after birth. Many abusers only start once you're pregnant, it's well documented. Don't let yourself get trapped.

Original poster

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 19:41

He's really not off the hook at all. I'm evidently still pissed with him, which I'm guessing is why he's now getting all these things done which he knows I want doing. Just not sure divorcing someone over PJs at 30 weeks pregnant, like other PPs have suggested, is acting rationally when this is a first

OP posts:

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 19:17

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 19:09

I didn't go to my mums. Its a bit of a drive and probably would've ended up more stressed out so I parked myself in the living room and found ways to keep myself entertained/happy. Made a start on my baby registry, ordered some things for the nursery and tomorrow I'll be heading out to buy materials to get it decorated. I think he knows hes fucked up, he hasn't left my side and hasn't been on his PC since yesterday morning. He's also been the one to say about getting the nursery sorted and has been doing other maintenance jobs around the house.

He's definitely not forgiven and I hope it was a lapse of judgement as he isnt usually like this. I'll see if anything actually turns up, and that its not what I'm dreading.

Not good enough in my view given the stuff you posted about him earlier in the thread. Laughing at you being upset. Buying you nothing for your Christmas apart from potentially sexy underwear you did not want. Sorry but don't let him off the hook this easily

Don't ignore the red flags

Original poster

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 19:09

I didn't go to my mums. Its a bit of a drive and probably would've ended up more stressed out so I parked myself in the living room and found ways to keep myself entertained/happy. Made a start on my baby registry, ordered some things for the nursery and tomorrow I'll be heading out to buy materials to get it decorated. I think he knows hes fucked up, he hasn't left my side and hasn't been on his PC since yesterday morning. He's also been the one to say about getting the nursery sorted and has been doing other maintenance jobs around the house.

He's definitely not forgiven and I hope it was a lapse of judgement as he isnt usually like this. I'll see if anything actually turns up, and that its not what I'm dreading.

OP posts:

Original poster

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 18:55

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 26/12/2025 18:25

Well I was making a point really about the OP not valuing herself enough.

No I wouldn't expect all those gifts but it would give me an insight into how much I was valued. I buy them all for myself throughout the year anyway.

Show quote history

I dont need a lot of money spending on me to feel valued. I would rather have a partner who respects me and cares for me as opposed to buying my love

OP posts:

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 26/12/2025 18:25

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 25/12/2025 19:55

You'd really expect all of those gifts?

Show quote history

Well I was making a point really about the OP not valuing herself enough.

No I wouldn't expect all those gifts but it would give me an insight into how much I was valued. I buy them all for myself throughout the year anyway.

Hiptothisjive · 26/12/2025 17:57

Supergirl1958 · 26/12/2025 13:12

Not quite! For example I didn’t berate the OP for being childish.

Enjoy Boxing Day!

Show quote history

Enjoying it very much thanks.

Yeah that’s true, I don’t write passive aggressive comments to make a point - like have a great day.

Mumofoneandone · 26/12/2025 16:06

Sorry to hear this. Next year, don't bother buying him anything.....or maybe ignore his birthday....
I'm someone who basically buys my own Christmas presents and leaves them for my DH to wrap.....or get my mum on the job!!

Calliopespa · 26/12/2025 15:07

I suspect op there is possibly an issue that needs discussing at the back of this - which isn't to say he isn't in the wrong in the way he has handled this.

I will be quite interested to see what arrives when his gift does come, but I can't help feeling this has everything to do with the fact you have asked for non-sexy pjs and he has dug his toes in over the fact they aren't sexy.

Men also get jitters over the changes that come into their lives with the arrival of a baby. It is so visceral and huge for us because we actually carry the baby and feel everything from nausea to mastitis to a failure to squeeze into our clothes.

But I guess he is also going through a realisation of what is changing, in particular your priorities - as they ought to. But "ought to" doesn't mean they aren't nonetheless a change, and we all find change hard at times, especially the bits we have enjoyed of the old ways.

I can't help but feel if you had asked for a pair of shoes, or make-up or chocolates - or basically anything other than non sexy sleepwear or underwear he might have felt happier about buying it. That doesn't mean he isn't in the wrong, but I suspect this isn't so much about simply not caring for you as resisting that particular item.

Equally he may just be an arse generally and fundamentally, but I feel like you are saying that hasn't been the case historically.

Supergirl1958 · 26/12/2025 13:12

Hiptothisjive · 26/12/2025 12:14

lol great we are on the same page 🙄

Show quote history

Not quite! For example I didn’t berate the OP for being childish.

Enjoy Boxing Day!

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/12/2025 12:44

Concentrate on your pregnancy and the baby to come, I know this is a much wanted baby for you and will be your only one - does he want the baby as much as you do ?

This was your last Christmas as a couple, before baby comes. Be aware / prepared it may be your last Christmas together.

Hiptothisjive · 26/12/2025 12:14

Supergirl1958 · 26/12/2025 12:11

Lol I didn’t say that you didn’t. 🙄

Show quote history

lol great we are on the same page 🙄

Supergirl1958 · 26/12/2025 12:11

Hiptothisjive · 26/12/2025 11:32

Okay then stop going on about what the post is about. I said it was about her husbands behaviour originally. Just because I don’t agree doesn’t mean I am wrong, can’t read or don’t understand.

Show quote history

Lol I didn’t say that you didn’t. 🙄

Original poster

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 12:05

ChristmasCinderella2025 · 26/12/2025 11:09

Name changed for this!

Have a look at this Instagram post by NarcAbuseCoach and his other recent posts.

Do any of these behaviours look familiar to you?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSqHkPaExuQ/

I also did not receive a single Christmas present yesterday from DH or DD (aged 13, so I would have expected DH to organise her present).

To watch DH and DD open over 20 presents from me, yet not even receive one small present to thank me for all my hard work over the year cut me to the core.

I spent two full days Christmas shopping with DD and sitting with her to wrap up DH and my extended family’s presents, yet she claims she “completely forgot“ to buy me a present and spent over an hour in floods of tears yesterday feeling bad that DH and she had upset me so much.

Now DH is telling me that by being so “childish“ and upset about not receiving a present I ruined Christmas for DD and the whole family and he is demanding that I apologise to HIM!

Please think carefully, as raising a child with a narcissist is a soul-destroying task and risks a childhood of conflict, sadness and treading on eggshells, often leading to long term mental health issues as a teenager and beyond.

Jesus 🥺 I'm so sorry 💔

OP posts:

Eastie77Returns · 26/12/2025 11:54

Eudaimonia11 · 26/12/2025 10:34

@Eastie77Returns ”it’s all a bit dramatic” is what leads to women putting up with shitty husbands for years - and I’m not agreeing with the pp who are saying he’s abusive. Yes, I’d leave him over this. He decided not to buy his pregnant wife a gift at Christmas and then ridiculed her when she was upset. That tells me everything I need to know about his character.

I think the divorce rate in this country would be sky high if marriages ended over missed or less than perfect Xmas presents but ok.

As for laughing at OP, it could have been a spiteful mocking laugh and the precursor to more abuse. Or it could have been a bemused chuckle at the whole situation.

If this was a new relationship then I’d understand all the cries of LTB. But OP has been with this man for 10 years and he has given her gifts previously for birthdays and Christmas. He fails to buy her a gift of PJ’s on this one occasion and has responded inappropriately with a laugh. I would personally opt for talking things over before calling a solicitor.

Anyway, she has PJs now and said she holds all the financial power in their marriage so guess she can leave him🤷🏼‍♀️

Wowwhataworld · 26/12/2025 11:38

Hey @SpookyTeacup as a fellow ivf mum (7 years for us) and a beautiful little girl I have sadly seen this many a time for people. The pregnancy dream, it taking so long and once it finally happens the man being a bit of an arse.
Listen after years of trying, the devastation of another failed treatment, the grieving what could have been, the fear and hopelessness you deserve more. At the end of the day you will now have what you always wanted and she will be the most important thing in your life. Enjoy being a mum and cherish every single moment, even the bad ones, my dd is now 9 and it had flown by! If he wants to up his game and be there along the way great, if he doesn’t then that’s fine to because nothing will ever beat finally becoming a mum! X

StarDolphins · 26/12/2025 11:37

I’m with you op. YNBU!

My ex used to do this all the time. He used to sneer at normal (perfectly fine) PJ’s and call them ‘gran grans’ and if I dared wear my oodie, he’d say “are you not taking your overalls off”. The amount of times something red, itchy and tacky turned up🙄

Hiptothisjive · 26/12/2025 11:32

Supergirl1958 · 26/12/2025 08:36

I think it’s clear from your replies that you think the OP acted in a way that they shouldn’t over a pair of pj pants. You also didn’t make it clear who you were critiquing!
Maybe you aren’t a big gift person, that’s fine, but lots of this is much more than the gift. There was promise of a gift and the gift wasn’t received, then there was laughing in her face about it. It’s much more than a gift it’s a sign of things to come.

I do like a gift or two at Christmas, but we don’t go excessively mad or buy things we don’t need. This year my husband and I both needed a new pair of trainers, so that’s what we did. We were savvy and found a discount code! Nothing flashy, but practical! He also needs some new fish for his tank so I’m going to purchase them for him when he is ready. I got some bath stuff because I like to have relaxing baths, neither a necessity or practical but a kind gesture.

I think it’s clear you aren’t a gift person and that’s ok, but this whole thread isn’t really about that, or indeed the OPs reaction. It’s about her husband’s shitty behaviour! Stop going on about gifting!

Show quote history

Okay then stop going on about what the post is about. I said it was about her husbands behaviour originally. Just because I don’t agree doesn’t mean I am wrong, can’t read or don’t understand.

Hiptothisjive · 26/12/2025 11:30

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 02:41

She wanted a pair of pyjamas

Show quote history

Yes the OP did. The poster I was responding to didnt.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 26/12/2025 11:26

ChristmasCinderella2025 · 26/12/2025 11:09

Name changed for this!

Have a look at this Instagram post by NarcAbuseCoach and his other recent posts.

Do any of these behaviours look familiar to you?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSqHkPaExuQ/

I also did not receive a single Christmas present yesterday from DH or DD (aged 13, so I would have expected DH to organise her present).

To watch DH and DD open over 20 presents from me, yet not even receive one small present to thank me for all my hard work over the year cut me to the core.

I spent two full days Christmas shopping with DD and sitting with her to wrap up DH and my extended family’s presents, yet she claims she “completely forgot“ to buy me a present and spent over an hour in floods of tears yesterday feeling bad that DH and she had upset me so much.

Now DH is telling me that by being so “childish“ and upset about not receiving a present I ruined Christmas for DD and the whole family and he is demanding that I apologise to HIM!

Please think carefully, as raising a child with a narcissist is a soul-destroying task and risks a childhood of conflict, sadness and treading on eggshells, often leading to long term mental health issues as a teenager and beyond.

I'm so sorry for you x

Your husband is a cunt.
Can you leave? x