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Original poster

DP having overnight work trip with woman he used to sleep with

378 replies

Fishoutwater · 16/12/2025 15:58

I’m losing my mind about this, and my partner is just telling me I’m being ridiculous and can’t see why I’ve reacted how I have.

When we met 3 years ago, we talked quite openly about past relationships etc. He told me he was seeing a married woman who is quite a bit older than him over the course of about a year having met at work. They’d book hotels and used to travel to work together for overnights at another office. He said this was really exciting at the time and drunkenly told me once that before me, it was the best sex he’d ever had in his life.

They’ve remained working at the same (big) company but in different roles so their paths haven’t crossed much since. However, a few months ago he told me there was a project which required them both to attend calls about.

Last week, he told me that there was a big project meeting at the company’s northern site and he’d need to stay overnight (it’s today). The company provide a hire car but where colleagues are travelling from the same base location, they need to share rather than have a car each. So he told me that he’d have to travel up with this woman and another colleague.

Yesterday, he told me that the other colleague is no longer going so it’s just him and the woman. It’s a 2 hour journey and they are staying at the same hotel, and travelling back together tomorrow.

I obviously told him how uncomfortable I feel about this and he was adamant he had no other option and that I needed to accept it was just for work and he’s forgotten about her these days.

YABU - it’s just work, doesn’t mean anything so get over it.
YANBU - you are right to feel how you do

OP posts:
Power26 · 16/12/2025 17:52

To be honest I’m not sure what you want him to say/do. You either trust him or you don’t.

I travel a lot for work, I’m on a high income, and if you’re going to ask the company to expense another car to avoid a colleague - it will raise eyebrows and he won’t be seen as a team player.

If he wants to make his own arrangements, I’m sure his company would want to know if he’s intending to expense that etc and what the issue is with what has been arranged.

Beyond that, he has had sex with her before he met you yes, but has he actually given you any reason to think he’d suddenly have sex with her now and cheat on you? Like does he have issues with impulse control or has he indicated he’s not happy with your relationship/might be looking elsewhere? Cause I don’t entirely accept the thought process that he is going to cheat just because he’s in proximity of an ex at a work function.

Megifer · 16/12/2025 17:47

stichguru · 16/12/2025 17:41

I think the fact he's told you means he's going to make sure nothing happens. A work trip would be the perfect time for a secret affair if he wanted one!

Or hes hiding it in plain sight

Bodypumpmum · 16/12/2025 17:46

any man knows full well its disrespectful to their partner to even be anywhere near someone like this, given their history.

i think hes being honest, so it throws you off.
They definately plan on sharing s bed

Flowerslamp · 16/12/2025 17:43

AwfullyGood · 16/12/2025 17:25

A two hour trip doesn't require an overnight.
In most places, you expense it or take time in lieu if travelling after hours.

For that reason alone I'm suspicious.

Also, what sort of a halfwhit tells their partner, the best sex they ever had was with someone else.

I don't see the attraction to this man at all.

Yes, that was the alarm bell for me. Even before this situation arose, he wanted OP to know she needs to be on her toes.

stichguru · 16/12/2025 17:41

I think the fact he's told you means he's going to make sure nothing happens. A work trip would be the perfect time for a secret affair if he wanted one!

JHound · 16/12/2025 17:40

Also I would find it really weird if my partner went into great detail on how good sex with an ex was.
It sounds so immature.

Gloriia · 16/12/2025 17:40

It sounds to me that's he's actually arranged an overnighter with her and has mentioned her and said it's a work thing incase any messages etc drop him in it. Why did the other person allegedly drop out? I bet there never was a third person.
Dump him op.

cosmicbabe · 16/12/2025 17:39

He doesn’t have to stay over, He wants too. He’s admitted she was amazing in bed. Don’t think there’s much more to say…

Flowerslamp · 16/12/2025 17:39

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 16/12/2025 17:38

I do this regularly as do all my colleagues, it’s due to the team dinner after. Often a second day of meetings the next day,

Show quote history

Probably not only 2 going from your area when that's the case though?

JHound · 16/12/2025 17:39

AwfullyGood · 16/12/2025 17:25

A two hour trip doesn't require an overnight.
In most places, you expense it or take time in lieu if travelling after hours.

For that reason alone I'm suspicious.

Also, what sort of a halfwhit tells their partner, the best sex they ever had was with someone else.

I don't see the attraction to this man at all.

Yeah this is a good point - why is he staying over.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 16/12/2025 17:38

Megifer · 16/12/2025 17:37

Ive never known anyone stay overnight for a 2 hour trip in my 33 years of working. 2 hours is absolutely nothing.

Sorry op, I do think something is very fishy about this. The slow building up to it just being them, staying over a measly 2 hour drive.....hmm.....if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, its probably not going to be a pigeon....

I do this regularly as do all my colleagues, it’s due to the team dinner after. Often a second day of meetings the next day,

Megifer · 16/12/2025 17:37

Ive never known anyone stay overnight for a 2 hour trip in my 33 years of working. 2 hours is absolutely nothing.

Sorry op, I do think something is very fishy about this. The slow building up to it just being them, staying over a measly 2 hour drive.....hmm.....if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, its probably not going to be a pigeon....

Heartofheartache · 16/12/2025 17:35

Once he’s been there once it will be easy for him to go there again . I think he’s lying to you OP no way would I allow this .

WallaceinAnderland · 16/12/2025 17:35

Well he didn't care that she was married so I don't see how he would care that he is married. Fidelity in marriage is clearly not important to either of them.

That's not the worst of it though. The worst is how he fobs off your concerns. The patronising pat on head would have me leaving him even before he had a chance to get his leg over.

JHound · 16/12/2025 17:34

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 16/12/2025 17:08

Oh cmon, he was young and shagging an older married colleague. Many single blokes would go there. Doesn’t mean they cheat when married,

ifs always the same on here, as soon as infidelity is mentioned the whole conversation is derailed wirh hyper ventilating.

Show quote history

Yes - unethical and immoral.

The fact that many single blokes are apparently equally unethical and immoral is neither here nor there.

BluePeterAdventWreath · 16/12/2025 17:33

I’ve never worked for a company that would agree an overnight stay on a 2 hour each way drive, especially for 2 people. They’d have expected the driving to be shared and require a 3+ hour drive each way for a hotel stay.

Gloriia · 16/12/2025 17:32

Megifer · 16/12/2025 17:28

Actually yeah, 2 hours? Why is he staying over the massive fanny??

Exactly. 5hrs, fine. 2hrs? No chance.

Gloriia · 16/12/2025 17:31

IdaGlossop · 16/12/2025 17:17

OP said he said the sex with the married woman was the best sex he'd ever had until he met OP.

Show quote history

Well he would add 'until I met you' wouldn't he?!

Op, he was complicit. Shagging married people demonstrates an absolute disregard for basic decency.

Of course he'll shag her at their cosy overnighter, why wouldn't he? Tell him to come home or it's over.

CombatBarbie · 16/12/2025 17:30

Boomer55 · 16/12/2025 16:13

It’s about trust. If you don’t trust him then there’s no point to the relationship.

Given the history I would love anyone to say that they would be comfortable with this!!

BauhausOfEliott · 16/12/2025 17:30

AwfullyGood · 16/12/2025 17:25

A two hour trip doesn't require an overnight.
In most places, you expense it or take time in lieu if travelling after hours.

For that reason alone I'm suspicious.

Also, what sort of a halfwhit tells their partner, the best sex they ever had was with someone else.

I don't see the attraction to this man at all.

Nah, two hours would be an overnight where I work.

OP, I can see why you're uncomfortable but at the end of the day, she's a colleague and he can't just refuse to work with her or go to the same events purely because he shagged her years ago.

Ultimately, why did you marry a man you believe would cheat on you?

vanillalattes · 16/12/2025 17:30

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 16/12/2025 17:08

Oh cmon, he was young and shagging an older married colleague. Many single blokes would go there. Doesn’t mean they cheat when married,

ifs always the same on here, as soon as infidelity is mentioned the whole conversation is derailed wirh hyper ventilating.

Show quote history

Personally my standards are higher than a man who slept with a married woman because he was "young and single".

notacooldad · 16/12/2025 17:29

*YABU - it’s just work, doesn’t mean anything so get over it.
YANBU - you are right to feel how you do.

Both things can be true at the same time.
I'd uneasy in your shoes atm because of your Dhs past.
However, as you say he was young.
People make many mistakes when they are young that they would never do with the benefit of maturity and hindsight. What was exciting and edgy when you are 20 can appear seedy and grim at 40( or whatever)

Lamentingalways · 16/12/2025 17:28

And I don’t understand the old line ‘if there’s no trust then there’s nothing.’ Surely everyone should think that there’s a chance their partner would cheat? Or maybe I’m completely cynical. Complete and blind trust seems mad to me when we see so many stories of infidelity.

Megifer · 16/12/2025 17:28

Actually yeah, 2 hours? Why is he staying over the massive fanny??

AwfullyGood · 16/12/2025 17:25

A two hour trip doesn't require an overnight.
In most places, you expense it or take time in lieu if travelling after hours.

For that reason alone I'm suspicious.

Also, what sort of a halfwhit tells their partner, the best sex they ever had was with someone else.

I don't see the attraction to this man at all.

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