Is husband right that I need psychological help? (Won’t eat outside of home)

So I’m a bit overinvested in this thread as my dd eats like this, possibly even more limited, but it hasn’t restricted her life at all, so far. We still go on holiday, but to airbnbs so we can cook ourselves. She would still go round to friends houses, just wouldn’t eat the cake. She still goes to parties, just doesn’t drink the alcohol etc
her argument would absolutely be why wouldn’t you eat totally healthily if you can.

@Melessah do you eat at your mum's (if you are happy to have her eggs)?

Look into emdr for trauma and ocd therapy.

You know it's not normal.

I say this from a place of care as my dd has restricted eating and ocd. She is in treatment for it.

I think given time that would drive everyone to,distraction, and I also wonder if you’re now wedded to it as your identity.

can I ask, how old are you now, how long have you been doing this?

Well, it sounds like you know you have a problem and have engaged with professionals before. What happened? Did you stay engaged with them? Do you have kids or if not, want kids? Because this could seriously impact them, which, if I were you, would be my biggest worry.

I was at university with someone who had this issue and many years on still has it.
Personally I wouldn’t eat ready meals or disgusting pre packed sandwiches and most of the Christmas party food revolts me; we can all have issues around food.
But yours is making you and your husband unhappy so I’d say get some kind supportive help. Hypnotherapy might fit the bill - it has helped me in the past.

Fair enough to never eat a ready meal again. But I do think you need some help to start approaching eating out ‘normally.’ Would a place like a sushi restaurant that has the gimmick of food being freshly made in front of you be something to attempt? Could you even try to get a simple sandwich from a sandwich bar where it’s also made in front of you?

Tbf your diet sounds quite nutritious. But it is very restrictive for you and the people around you to never be able to eat out or quickly grab something from the supermarket. I guess you can't participate if friends invite you out for a birthday meal, or a colleague brings in a cake. I agree that you should seek psychological help to stop limiting your life.

You must know YABU?

You’d drive me bonkers. Your poor DH.

I can understand why you feel the way you do, but it’s not anywhere near normal in how you approach food. I say this kindly and gently, but you would benefit massively from some help and support to work through how you feel and hopefully end up with a better relationship around food.

This is what I was trying to say. Reword the op in a positive light and people would be eager to applaud.

Perhaps hypnotherapy would help? It helped me massively with a fear.

Maybe it’s just my circles, but lots of people I know are starting to wash fruit etc in more than water, but with vinegar, bicarbonate of soda etc due to the pesticides. I couldn’t be arsed but I’ve seen the TikTok’s.

I'm surprised you're not being applauded for not eating any UPFs OP. Your diet sounds a lot healthier than most of the population.

Maybe get help so you can go out for meals etc, but it really doesn't sound like that much of a big deal to me. Everyone's just being dramatic (as usual).

Your question is redundant because of course it's you being unreasonable. No one will deny what happened to you was awful and probably traumatic, but your response to it is not normal.

I do hope you don't place the same restrictions on your DH and you allow him to have "unsafe" foods at home to eat. His sympathies must be running thin and possibly there will come a time when he decides enough is enough if it goes on. Please take advice from the people on this thread who have made suggestions about the correct experts to consult. Should you ever have to spend time in hospital, or another environment where you can't access your restricted diet, you'll have real problems.

You haven't stated your intentions in this direction, but please don't have children anytime soon. Even if you allow them to have "unsafe" foods, you'll mentally damage them from experiencing how you behave around food. Good luck with seeking help.

I don't think it's too extreme to want to eat only food you have prepared yourself or trust, it means you're not having anything processed, it's more likely to be locally sourced etc.
Are you comfortable if e.g. your parents prepare food for you?
Are you vegetarian?
I didn't understand the bit about bring on holiday. Were you in a restaurant eating eggs and fruit, or had you had to eat in self-catering? Is your husband's main issue that you can't go out for meals together?

Yes, you do need help.
Contact BEAT the charity for eating disorders for a chat and also perhaps look in your local area for qualified CBT practitioners who can help you with this phobia.

To never be able enjoy a meal out with a partner is pretty restrictive. Eating out alone or with a person who doesn't eat would totally spoil it for most people.

I'd say the OP's DH has the patience and tolerance of a saint.

As someone who went from being brave and adventurous to almost developing fears and phobias and aversion I completely know where you are coming from. Its debilitating isn't it.
Wecknow you need help and so do you but it's hard to articulate how you feel or why you feel that way,it's a very complex thing. Speak to your GP and ask for a referral.
I think there's more to this than the mouse incident; you were a teenager away from home and probably under a lot of stress studying for your degree, of course anyone would be freaked out by what you saw but that was amplified by the aforementioned factors.
You've developed a coping strategy that's worked for you

@arethereanyleftatall she washes things in vinegar, can't eat out (and that doesn't have to be unhealthy junk food)

It is not "perfectly healthy" to say "I don’t want to be like this."

I think the responses are led by how this all started with the trauma of the mouse.
Because most people are saying it’s really weird.
but if you remove the mouse trauma, all the op is actually saying is that she cooks every single thing from scratch.
which is perfectly normal and healthy.

I don’t understand why he feels the restrictions are on him ? He can eat what he likes ??!!
I have eating disorders and severe allergies and intolerances. Dh still goes out and eats whatever he likes on holiday we just have different things I usually take safe food from home and it’s a total non issue.

Get therapy for yourself if you want to try and increase your safe foods but I’m puzzled why your dh has been the way he has ?

I have to agree with your husband. Your eating behaviour is affecting your daily life. Seeking to resolve that would be a healthy thing to do. It affects you, but also your husband. You have to want to do so.

I think you need to change your mindset about whether recovery is possible.

Millions of people have recovered from far worse trauma than this, and I don’t say that to undermine your experience but to make it clear that if people can recover from massive trauma, the idea that you can’t is not logical and is just what your brain is telling you because it’s scared of trying to change.