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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that it's a bit rude that the dad turned up to playdate instead of mum

306 replies

Zscalent · 01/12/2025 16:56

I am a single mum and have a 5 year old DD, she has made friends with another little girl in her class. My daughter was begging me since the start of September to organise a playdate so I got talking to the mum at the school gates last week and invited her and her daughter over to ours for a playdate on Saturday.
Saturday afternoon the child turned up at my door with her dad who explained that his wife was unwell. I felt wildly uncomfortable sitting there with a strange man in my house (I had literally never met him before). He was a nice man, but due to a previous trauma I generally try to not be alone with men especially behind closed doors and I found the 2 hours to be unbearably awkward and triggering.
Of course this family wouldn't know that about me and there was certainly no ill intent from them. The kids had a great time so I guess that's all that mattered but I just feel like if the mum couldn't make it to the playdate the right thing to do would be to give me a heads up that her husband was attending instead (in which case I could have suggested rescheduling or moving the location to a soft play or somewhere more private).
Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Zscalent · 01/12/2025 17:04

Sillysoggyspaniel · 01/12/2025 17:00

I would've dropped you a message to let you know I was sick, but if you'd cancelled the playdate because you weren't happy for my DH to bring my child I wouldn't have bothered to rearrange. At this age it's for the kids, not you.

I think a lot of women would be uncomfortable letting a man they never met into their home while they are there alone with their kids? Rescheduling would really bother you that much really?

OP posts:
BotterMon · 01/12/2025 17:04

You wanted the heads up to move to somewhere more private with the DH?

It's a playdate and it's for the kids not you. He probably wasn't that impressed to have to spend 2 hours with somebody he's never met but as a good father and husband he sucked it up for his wife and daughter. You need to do the same.

IwishIcouldconfess · 01/12/2025 17:04

I wouldn't be happy with that, you invited the child so they could play, but no way would I want to make small talk with a man who I have never met before for 2 hours. Yes the other mum was out of order.

Ohhhthedrama · 01/12/2025 17:03

Do you think maybe he was expecting to just drop his kid off so they didn't think it would matter who brought her and only realised you expected him to stay when he got there. I've never stayed with my kids at a playdate.

Original poster
Zscalent · 01/12/2025 17:02

Zscalent · 01/12/2025 16:56

I am a single mum and have a 5 year old DD, she has made friends with another little girl in her class. My daughter was begging me since the start of September to organise a playdate so I got talking to the mum at the school gates last week and invited her and her daughter over to ours for a playdate on Saturday.
Saturday afternoon the child turned up at my door with her dad who explained that his wife was unwell. I felt wildly uncomfortable sitting there with a strange man in my house (I had literally never met him before). He was a nice man, but due to a previous trauma I generally try to not be alone with men especially behind closed doors and I found the 2 hours to be unbearably awkward and triggering.
Of course this family wouldn't know that about me and there was certainly no ill intent from them. The kids had a great time so I guess that's all that mattered but I just feel like if the mum couldn't make it to the playdate the right thing to do would be to give me a heads up that her husband was attending instead (in which case I could have suggested rescheduling or moving the location to a soft play or somewhere more private).
Aibu?

I meant to say "suggest moving it to somewhere more public" not private doh!

OP posts:
Sillysoggyspaniel · 01/12/2025 17:00

I would've dropped you a message to let you know I was sick, but if you'd cancelled the playdate because you weren't happy for my DH to bring my child I wouldn't have bothered to rearrange. At this age it's for the kids, not you.

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