To think that it's a bit rude that the dad turned up to playdate instead of mum

This is actually how my husband met him best mate in a round about way.
I invited girl over to play after chatting with her mum at a gathering where our kids ended up playing.
Dad turned up on play date ( his daughter was 8 but in fairness they didn't really know us at that time and she came alone after that), anyway i digress, I was a bit taken aback as bit of an introvert and not a fan of new people but he was nice, I ended up in the long run getting on better with him than his wife, we ended up friends and I introduced him to my husband and they got along great and are now very good friends.

But she didn’t say why, he probably thought he was doing rhe best thing for his daughter and the op, as she could have played up. He wasn’t to know the op only accepts mothers on play dates.

I have a different opinion, my view is the play date is for the kids, I’d not in a million years think it was about me and you, so it would be fine for either parent to attend as it was a play date for the kids.

i do think you need to make it clear in future, many women work, or have other things going on and many fathers are equal parents, so they’d not even have it flash through their mind a father can’t take their child to a play date.

Did the Dad think it was a playdate for him too?

Really - this is your take away. Women’s trauma must be overlooked so men can feel good?????

OP, I get you. Your feelings are valid. He should have accepted your offer to have the child alone, even if he went to a local coffee shop.

So if you'd have been told in advance you would have suggested somewhere more public as it was the dad bringing her ? Do you realise how insulting to the dad that sounds ?

Sorry if I am wildly out of touch because my own kids are in their 20s. But WTF?? 5 years old can surely just come round to play. You can send the parent away?? No? Has the world wildly changed since the early 2000s (and millenia prior to then??)

So if say YABU because in my world you would express how sorry you were the wife was ill and wave the dad goodbye.

I genuinely need to understand this!

I understand why this was triggering for you. If I were in the other mother’s situation, though, I’m not sure it would have occurred to me that it might make a difference to you which parent came with the child. I don’t think anyone was unreasonable.

I wouldn’t like this, it would completely put me off inviting their child for another playdate.

Even play dates with a mum I don’t know would of been hell 🤣

I had a day planned for my children and a neighbour's child to go to an all day zoo outing. Without any message from her her husband turned up to take us in his car. I had never met him before. It was the most awkward day I have ever spent with anybody in my life.

They definitely should have let you know in advance.

Tbh, it was not by 'bright' idea. It was suggested to me by a dear friend, who told me 'never, ever have school mums cross the threshold of your flat, that way you will avoid being judged, gossiped about, maligned'. I am so grateful to her for that piece of advice.

This Doesn't sound as though the OP actually knows the mum either so surely just as awkward making small chat.So glad mine didn't have these playdates where I was expected to stay and chat to a stranger or have one in my house

At age 5 I would expect to drop and go. I wouldn’t have expected either parent to stay. That’s weird.

I do the arrangements for DC playdates. Although friends parents generally know me and DH are interchangeable (he does more school runs / takes them to parties etc) if I've arranged kids coming over (drop off style) but I'm not going to be there then I have given people the heads up that it's just DH in charge (no-one has ever had a problem/rearranged). Particularly when it was DD and her female friends. I don't bother anymore now that the youngest are 10 and it's boys and everyone has been over many many times. But I think it's the same thing, a heads up that the situation might be different to what you expected and that you may be less comfortable with a man than a woman.

I agree that the other mum should have given you a heads-up, but it sounds like the situation ended up feeling a bit awkward for everyone. When he arrived, asking whether he wanted to drop off and pick up later may have added to the confusion. It might have been easier to gently let him know what you were most comfortable with—whether that was a drop-off, heading to a nearby park, or even rescheduling if being alone made you uncomfortable.

Do parents stay at playdates now? That never happened when mine was a child (we didn't use the term 'playdate' either). We'd just arrange that the children would get together at one or others home and the parent who dropped off would have a bit of free time.

I'd have hated to have to sit and make small talk with someone I didn't know.

Absolutely this! never EVER did I have a parent some and sit in my house for 2 hours. Can't think of anything worse.

I wouldn’t like this. She should have messaged to check if it was OK, if it was me I definitely wouldn’t mind you cancelling/ asking to rearrange.

When we did playdates, there is no way I would entertain a mum or a dad, sorry. You don't trust us? No playdate. Simple as that. Parents dropped off their child and we did the same and picked them up in 2 hours. Yes, it is supremely uncomfortable to find something useful you could do in the two hours, but here it is, we just walked in the park/local Asda, etc. Naturally, we did not do playdates with the family whose parents we thought were even a bit off.

Anyone saying this is okay is absolutely mad.

Why on earth did the mum not give you the heads up!? It's just common courtesy.

So simple. She invited the MUM and the child. End of.

The playdate is for the kids. It wouldn't have occurred to me that it would matter which parent brought them. It wouldn't have hurt to give you a heads up but I think for most people this would have been a non issue and it's unreasonable to not expect dads to be equally involved in taking their kids to places.

If I was mum I would have sent you a text but I wouldn’t have offered to reschedule. I’m ill. It’s a kid thing. Dad is her parent and can handle it without me (mum) needing to step in and it having to be another thing to organise when I am well.

That said- I get your reasons for wanting to cancel and would have no issue with you not wanting to be alone with a stranger.

I just wouldn’t want to add ‘rearranged play date’ to my to-do list of mum admin if dad was happy to take her.

She should have sent a text rather than putting you in that position for sure.

Who is too scared to answer their door? 🫤