To think that it's a bit rude that the dad turned up to playdate instead of mum

Yes, I understood that - but the point is that a strange man carries the risk of inappropriate sexual harassment even if falling short of actual physical assault - that isn’t a risk you really have to worry about with women guests.

By sexually inappropriate I was referring to sexual assault not suggestive or inappropriate comments.

Children play and make noise. That leaves room for inappropriate discussion that may make a woman feel uncomfortable and threatened in her own home, particularly if she’s unwilling to risk a scene that might upset the children. I think you are being naive.

Yes, I thi know I would have suddenly remembered something I had to go out for after an hour.

I do understand that some 5 year olds can be very shy in new situations but once the children are settled together he could have suggested leaving then. If she still complained I would have cut the play date short if I was him (or even if I was mum. 2 hours is too long to impose your presence on another person in their home.
If I was you I think I would have invented an errand or emergency to get rid.
You are going to have to get used to dealing with dad's going forward though as many dad's are active father's in their children's lives and some are even solo parents.

OLD THREAD

Makes me so glad when my kids were young it was " drop and go" not all this palaver. Can't imagine anything worse in sitting in some random parents house making inane chit chat or them in mine

Yanbu at all. Very poor show from the family. They should have cancelled

Pretty sure she was just after a text 🙄 And I can completely appreciate why. If I had invited someone for a coffee and for the kids to play I would expect that to be the person who would be turning up. Whilst the mum couldn’t be expected to know about OP’s trauma, I would definitely have let someone know there would be a change of plan in those circumstances.

Not sure how this thread ever came back to life. The OP was from a year ago. I would have seen it from either a recent Mumsnet Weekly email "This Weeks Top Threads" or on the Trending list on the right side of the website.

This thread is from months ago.

It is highly unlikely this man would do anything sexually inappropriate with his daughter and her friend there. Being completely alone with him, however, is a different story.

I’ve got little time for women who won’t accept that being alone with a man who is unknown to you is different to being alone with a female stranger.

Yes, they should have told you.

And yes I’ve had dodgy chat from seemingly respectable dad of child’s friend when unexpectedly alone with him. It’s never happened with a school mum.

Im not a man hater, but only a foolish woman isn’t slightly on her guard with men they don’t know very well indeed.

🙄
If the childs mother was dead, the OP would surely know, so it wouldn't be a surprise that the father was coming.

I feel shocked you're getting such a hard time about this on here OP. Be kind to yourself today, because it's upsetting when you're suffering the after-effects of men's behaviour and other women turn their backs, close ranks with men and call you unreasonable, which they often do. Anyone who says you're unreasonable to ask for a simple courtesy text is oblivious and living in another world from the very many of us who have experienced male violence. The mum absolutely should have messaged you.

You absolutely should have been advised that the mum was unable to make it. Every woman should know that maybe other women don’t want men they don’t know in their homes.

I wouldn't even think of whether it was a mum or dad, to be honest. I'd prefer whoever's easier to talk to! And no matter which, I would offer them the option of dropping off.

So any child being raised by a widower or a single dad would not be allowed to have a playdate with your DD? He is not a 'strange man.' He is the father of your DD's friend. I get it would be a bit awkward. Whether it was a man or a woman, I would find it a bit awkward entertaining someone I didn't know.

Agreed, bit weird. She deserved a heads up and there's no way my DH would sit in a strange womans house for 2 hours just so the children could play.. no way, go out to soft play, or reschedule.

I don't think anyone was unreasonable here. How you felt was entirely reasonable given your experiences and how the other couple behaved was reasonable too.

I don't think DH would be totally comfortable if he arranged a playdate with another dad and the mum turned up. He'd only have done the park or softplay though. He's ASD and the idea of two hours' smalltalk in his house with a stranger would be intimidating.

The parents of your dd’s friend saw the play date invite as between the children with parents supervising so which parent attended was not important.

You obviously saw it very differently. It was a misunderstanding that’s all.

Try to use logic, you and your child were not alone with an unknown man. His child was there too. He was a father on a play date, other people knew he was there, he was not a stranger from the street that rocked up at your door.

If you cannot cope with men in this context in your home you should have politely offered for the child to remain alone or rearranged. They were not being unreasonable to not consider you might have complex MH issues, you need to set your own boundaries.

Dupe

They were both out of order, for not checking ahead of time, or offering to reorganise.
It's weird and pushy.

I think you should have been clear with him at the door that you don't know him and not comfortable inviting him in, that's not being rude. He would of then had to decide whether to leave, go for a walk or reorganise.

It's your home, your space, full stop

A bit sexist really.
I can remember dads bringing their kids to toddlers and playgroup. No-one spoke to them. Mums never spoke to other dads in the school playground. Mum groups were like the mafia, if your face didn't fit it was no use trying to get into the group. Dads were definitely excluded. Some dads formed their own little groups. Grandparents were also excluded from the mum groups.
What happened to inclusion and equality? It is not present or demonstrated by the parents of today's children.
If you weren't happy sitting indoors with a strange man, and have difficulties talking to the opposite sex, you could have taken the kids for a walk to the local park or somewhere

Surely it's school thing for both boys and girls to see mums and dads both doing childcare/school runs/play dates. Don't want them growing up to think this is just women's work!