DH always walks ahead of me. AIBU to refuse to go on walks with him?

Mine does this but I think it’s part of his covert narcissism 😀

He won’t slow down because his wish to walk at his speed is further up his Things I Care About List than being nice to you. He could quite easily walk at your pace but he won’t because he’s selfish and inconsiderate and wants to do what he wants.

I'm 5'1" and my late dh was 6'3. He was the one who noticed that my short legs needed almost two steps to his one. He never strode ahead or told me to hurry up, and liked to hold hands when walking. OP, you dh is just being disrespectful and uncaring. Sorry!

My friend though, at 5'10 just meets for coffee as I walk too slowly for her. 😃

So many inconsiderate men in this thread. This makes me so sad 😞

I'm 5'4. My mum is 4'9. If I walk with her I slow down to her pace. My husband is 6' and slows his pace to match mine if we are out together. My best female friend is 5'11. She slows down to match my pace. My BIL always walked faster than my SIL and left her miles behind. My exhusband always walked ahead. In both those cases the man no longer liked the woman and didn't want to be there so walked ahead.

I assume @Lamentingalways implies that he is embarrassed to be seen with you, and only will walk with you if you have a 'glow up'. How depressing.

I don't walk with my husband for the same reason- my son who is taller and quicker manages just fine to walk at a compromise speed. It is a shame. But I would never be physically able to keep his speed, even if I was 20.

Absolute rubbish he can't adapt his pace, if I am out with my mother I wouldn't dream of walking ahead and leaving her, how rude would I be? He is inconsiderate and selfish.
My dog is getting slower now as he's aging and I have to adapt my speed to accommodate him. What would he do in this case?
He has no excuse, he knows you can't keep up so he either chooses to walk at a compromised pace or he goes on his own for his solo walk.

I bet he didn't do this when you first were together.

Of course it’s ‘possible’. And absolutely those of us who are parents have done it when our children are small. I could see the post office from our front door in the village we used to live in, but it could easily take 20 minutes to walk there with my toddler. But that doesn’t mean I want to force myself to walk at a pace that is unnatural and uncomfortable for me every time I go walking with another adult, any more than a slower person wants to be hustled along at a speed that’s uncomfortable for them.

My father did this. He was considerably taller than mum. My other half does it sometimes. Not always. It is not done to upset. It is just them walking along. They literally find it as hard to walk as slowly as my mum would have found it to walk more quickly. They end up walking at their individual pace.

I wouldn't like this at all, OP. Ok, his legs are longer blah blah but it seems rude and uncaring to stride cheerfully along while knowing full well that you won't be able to keep up. Since you know that it is always going to happen, I suggest you go for walks alone, put on your headphones and listen to your favourite music or a good podcast. He can go for his own walk, or wait at home for you. Sod all this galloping along trying to catch him up.

We sometimes have problem with this. On the whole, I have learnt to walk quicker. My husband does have much longer legs than me. He does try to slow down sometimes. We do walk very long distances and like to chat to each other. Last summer we did a couple of hill walks that lasted over 13 hours each. Some of our walks are semi scrambles and it is not always safe to have someone immediately behind you in case you need to step back. I often need him to go first to help pull me up.

I am 5'3" and have two tall (adult) children and a medium height partner. They all naturally walk much faster than me but adapt to my speed when we are walking together. It is common courtesy, although my children do good-naturedly tease me about my slowness sometimes.
Even my tall ex-husband, although uncaring in some other ways, used to stick by my side.
Anything else is just plain inconsiderate and l sympathise with you, OP.

My DH is over 6ft and I’m 5’2, we have the same problem. I’m just used to it now, but it is better when we’re with our teenagers as my DS walks ahead and chats with DH and my DD and I walk slower and chat

For it would depend what speed you walk at? I average 17mins a mile for my walking and talking pace, any slower than 19mins a mile is too slow for me. I walk faster than my DH and I hate walking with him, because for me a walk is exercise so I need to get my heart rate up.

YANBU, it is perfectly possible to slow down your walking pace. If it wasn’t then no adult would ever be able to go for a walk with a child or we’d have multiple newspaper articles about children found lost and abandoned on various walking routes because their parents were half a mile ahead!

Well it's up to him whether he makes (or tries to make)
the walks enjoyable and companionable for you. Perhaps he really can't manage to walk slower, in which case he can't make them enjoyable for you.

What he is not entitled to do is whinge and blame you, emotionally blackmail you etc for not finding the walks enjoyable and therefore not wanting to go.

This is not your problem to solve OP! You are clear what does and doesn't work for you, and you are being 100% reasonable. It's up to him to work out what he wants most - his "natural" pace or your company - and act accordingly.

Jog or get a bike to keep up more easilyfor some walks. He has to slow down for others. Discuss first.

Thats both of you compromising. Holding hands with a tall fast person makes your arm swing at a weird pace unless they deliberately slow down!

It’s really hard to walk slower! It’s incredibly tiring! I don’t mean around the shops, but five miles at a slower than natural pace for me is more tiring than double that at my natural pace.

My husband is like this and says that it's uncomfortable and unnatural to walk slower. However, if I hold his hand or tuck my hand around his arm, he naturally slows down and that works for us.

It’s really not hard to walk a little slower, much easier than having to jog along with a selfish impatient person much taller than you. He needs to hold your hand and slow down. It’s absolutely not uncomfortable to just take it a little easier and talk with your wife.

But your Dad is a mountain leader trained in guiding groups. His role involves adjusting himself to a group’s pace, and possibly sending faster walkers on ahead with another guide.

That’s an entirely different situation to an individual walking with another person whose pace doesn’t match theirs. The faster walker is not at work or in an official volunteering role. They’re just out for a walk for enjoyment, the same as the slower walker.

I mean, I’m not advocating the faster person is entitled to vanish into the distance up Scafell Pike, obviously, but I think they’re entitled to decline future walks with someone whose pace isn’t a good match.

Even if it’s their spouse. I adore DH, but I couldn’t go on a walk for pleasure with him. As he’d be the first to acknowledge. He’d feel he was being hurried along unenjoyably, and I’d feel like I was doing the military slow march where each foot has to hover in the air before it hits the ground!