DH always walks ahead of me. AIBU to refuse to go on walks with him?

Fellow women. If your husband asked you to stop doing something that was completely within your power to do, you would 100% do it. If he isn’t stopping it’s because he doesn’t want to. There’s no complexities here, we all kid ourselves on that it’s hard to do this and have you tried that and blah blah blah. He doesn’t care that it bothers you, you’ve told him multiple times and he still doesn’t do it right? Why can’t people accept that your feelings don’t matter enough to him to simply walk slower? Just my humble opinion of course.

I see this situation frequently with walkers and cyclists; the woman following along behind. Often with the children, as a PP commented. I am frequently that woman too, being much shorter than my DH. Also though, I see couples who are not matching in height walking companionably together. Usually young!

Taking extra steps across a distance is more tiring, which is what a taller person ends up having to do to keep the same pace as a shorter person. In addition to changing their gait. Presumably this is why he struggles and reverts to his natural form. It would be nice if your DH had some empathy for the extra steps and effort that you put in in order to walk together though. He shouldn’t be putting it all on you to make the walks enjoyable for him.

@Biffatcrafts- I could’ve written this and have the same issue, same sizes too. I’ve always jokingly argued that my little legs have to move twice as much to keep up, so I’ve technically walked further. He’d always slow his pace when I mentioned it though. If he wants a faster walk he goes on his own.

It’s so annoying and tiring. The little half jog to catch up is embarrassing! Your DP can’t slow down, but expects you to catch up? Not fair.

Mines 14 inches taller and will walk at my speak, his parents had similar height differences and his dad use to walk miles in front which ensured he doesn’t do the same.

Funny how he feels upset and rejected, yet him disappearing off and leaving you behind is somehow not rejection and your upset is your own to manage as he's not prepared to do anything about it.

I have different walks for different occasions. When I want a brisk walk, I go on my own- I walk quite fast. When I go with DP (who is 6'2 to my 5'8) we walk together, at the same pace, which is nowhere near as fast as my solo pace. It's not at all hard to adjust my pace to his (and vice versa) because we spend our entire walk talking. Sometimes we hold hands, sometimes we link arms.

Walking with ds1, however, is a far different matter. He speeds along (partly due to his Reserves training!) and I sometimes have to trot to keep up. At that point I pluck at his jacket and tell him to slow down and remind him that manners cost nothing, which usually does the trick.

XH used to walk off without even looking behind to see if I was there. It was a very small part of us divorcing, tbh- I felt it demonstrated a real lack of care for me.

My husband (75), very tall and healthy sometimes does this. Not on purpose.
I usually shout "Oi, big bear, would you wait a bit!"
And all is good. 😃
(Given he's not that far he actually cannot hear me. Big age difference here).

And thats entirely fine. I faded a friendship away because the friend, same height as me, had to barrel along every street as if she was about to miss a train. She blamed it on her mother always having to walk very fast when friend was a child. We were never on a hike , we were mooching around the shops. I stopped trying to keep up with her and let her go ahead. Meeting up seemed pointless and she didn't offer again so I dare say she felt the same.

Dh does this so I just stop walking until there's a ridiculous distance between us. He has to stop and wait for me to catch up. This is often enough to stop him walking ahead.

Well it could be rudeness or just very difficult to walk much slower than his natural pace.

Im a very fast walker and I promise I’m a nice person but I massively struggle to walk as slow as many of my friends. I have to really think about it. End up walking, stopping, shuffling a bit, walking again. I try and walk a pace behind but feel I’m tripping over my feet having to place my steps close together.

I would just avoid going on walks together as neither of you are getting what you want out of it. Or tell him to stay at home with a coffee and set off half an hour later and try and catch you up! That could be fun.

I’m 5’ and have often noticed that tall people are uncomfortable shortening their stride.

It’s like when I have to slow down to a small child’s pace; feels very unnatural.

DH is like this, he says when he has to slow down to my pace it hurts his knees, he refuses to hold hands with me while walking because he says afterwards he feels so drained.

I leave the house 5-10 mins before him now and we just walk separately. I've given up trying to walk with him now.

Do you have any small children in your family? Could he practise adjusting speed by holding a toddler’s hand for a while?? Mine is the fastest creature on Earth when she wants to be and the slowest whenever we have somewhere we need to be… Joking aside, I do think it’s pretty rude. Would he charge ahead if he was walking with an elderly relative? Hopefully not, because that would be rude and disrespectful… yet that’s exactly what he’s doing to you.

Because he us the man and therefore really important

Why is it you who is the bad guy here, when it is DH refusing to compromise? How can he possibly say that it’s you being unfair when he’s the one charging off ahead?

I also slow down with my eighty year old mother! I’m simply saying that I won’t generally choose to go for walks with people whose pace doesn’t match mine, because it’s tiring and not pleasurable to continually have to dawdle (which is what it feels like to me). So I’m not ‘striding ahead’, I’m declining a walk on the grounds of incompatible pace.

If you don’t want to match your pace and strike, you might as well go out on your own otherwise there is no point you being out with anyone else

Well he wants to walk with you but he doesn’t want to make it easier for you to do so. What’s his solution then?

I'm 5' 0". My friend is 6'0"

We walk together a lot, in towns and on hikes. We don't have this problem, so I don't reckon that your problem is entirely due to leg length.

I’m 5’10 and DH 6’3. We regularly go out for a run together. DH matches his strike and speed to mine.

Walking slowly is painful for me. Weird as it is I get bad lower back pain if I walk slowly or stand still for more than 5 mins or so. As soon as I walk fast it goes - I've always been the same, first noticed it when I was 7 or 8 years old being dragged slowly around shops.

And from experience, when I am faster than someone else, if I slow down, they slow down more - incredibly frustrating (and uncomfortable). I've even taken to walking backwards sometimes as at slow paces it hurts less - and I still walk quicker than most people it seems.

But it isn't entirely (or even significantly) about height and leg length. As any runner can tell you, pace is a combination of stride length and cadence. The only person I've ever walked with a lot who could routinely keep up and even go faster than me is about 5" shorter and with relatively short legs for their height, they just compensated with a high cadence and well worked hip flexors.

I’m implying that some men are exceptionally shallow, yes. And yes it’s very depressing but it’s my truth.

All these people striding ahead. One day one of you won't be there anymore. Stop being a twat. Slow down, link arms, chat, enjoy their company and the scenery. What are you walking that fast for. It will all still be there if it takes you 5 more minutes to get there. My mum is 86. Realistically she's in the twilight of her life. I'll walk at her pace now. There will be years to speed around .....but she will no longer be there.