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Original poster

DH always walks ahead of me. AIBU to refuse to go on walks with him?

259 replies

Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 09:23

I'm really am not sure if I am being unreasonable here or not, so please tell me if I am. And I know this is pretty stupid and small in the scale of things, but it's causing tension between my DH and I.

My DH is taller than me by quite a bit (I'm 5'1" and he is 6') so whenever we go for a walk together even if we start out side by side he always seems to stride ahead of me. It gets to the point where I feel like anyone looking at us would think we weren't actually together so great is the distance between us.

It usually gets to the point where I either have to accept that we are effectively walking separately, or I end up having to half jog in an effort to catch up and then keep a really high half jogging pace to stay beside him.

I'm 64, and whilst I am fit and healthy and capable of keeping this pace up, it's not something I want to be doing when on what is supposed to be a relaxing stroll together. (I should add here it also happens if we are just going for a walk around town window shopping, or going shopping too. In fact on any kind of activity which involves walking.)

His reply when I ask him to slow down is that he is simply walking at his normal pace, and that it happens because his legs are so much longer than mine. I can see his point, but I do feel like a little kid running after a parent sometimes.

It's driving me mad, and now I feel like what is the point of going for walks together if he isn't actually going to walk with me? He is super fit, and I do know that if he is on his own he walks very fast (he records his solo walks on Strava and I can see the distances he walks and the pace he maintains).

I've said I am happy to walk a bit faster, but that he needs to walk a bit slower too, and he has tried, but somehow he always seems to speed up and ends up ahead of me again. It's getting to the stage where I've now refused to go for walks with him because I just can't see the point if we end up walking separately. But he is upset about it and feels I am being unfair (and rejecting him) by not wanting to do this activity together.

So am I ...
YANBU to not want to do these walks with him?
YABU - I should just jog on and try and keep up!

Also, do other DHs out there do this too, and if so what have you done / said to resolve it?

OP posts:
PigeonsandSquirrels · 30/11/2025 11:28

GrandHighVitch · 30/11/2025 11:21

If you’re a fast walker it’s really hard not to walk fast. I’m 5 foot 2 and my dh is 6 foot but I am the fast walker and always end up walking ahead of him. He dawdles along whereas I have a quick pace. I try to slow down so that I’m walking with him but my pace keeps naturally creeping up and before I know it I’m metres ahead of him and I have to stop for him to catch up. I try really hard not to zoom but it’s hard when your body has a natural walking pace.

Anyway, why should the emphasis be on him to slow down. You’re the one with the issue with his walking pace and wanting to walk together. Maybe you need to speed up instead, OP?

Because speeding up is much harder than slowing down - hence why if you had to match Usain Boot you’d be out of breath and sweaty with your heart racing but matching a toddler you’d be fine if a bit bored.

Your inability to slow down is strange and not something I’ve experienced when slowing down to match my friends who have mobility issues. When I assist people at the charity I work at I don’t fuck off 5 metres ahead of them because they’re slower… I just slow down. You’re perfectly capable of slowing down… you just don’t care about people enough to bother.

Branster · 30/11/2025 11:25

Parker231 · 30/11/2025 09:41

It’s rude - if you’re out together, you match your strike.

Exactly this!
I naturally walk really fast. DH has a steady slower pace. I always match my speed to his because I like walking with him, together, more than I like walking fast.
And it makes sense to adjust the speed so the slower walker is comfortable.
Incidentally he is taller than me so nothing to do with hight difference.
I suspect he'd outpace me if we both walked fast though.

Cynic17 · 30/11/2025 11:23

My husband has been doing this for 30+ years! It's not deliberate, he just likes to stride out. He does stop and wait for me. I don't even notice it any more, as I'm just happily doing my own thing. It's really not a big deal, tbh.

GrandHighVitch · 30/11/2025 11:21

If you’re a fast walker it’s really hard not to walk fast. I’m 5 foot 2 and my dh is 6 foot but I am the fast walker and always end up walking ahead of him. He dawdles along whereas I have a quick pace. I try to slow down so that I’m walking with him but my pace keeps naturally creeping up and before I know it I’m metres ahead of him and I have to stop for him to catch up. I try really hard not to zoom but it’s hard when your body has a natural walking pace.

Anyway, why should the emphasis be on him to slow down. You’re the one with the issue with his walking pace and wanting to walk together. Maybe you need to speed up instead, OP?

Original poster
Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 11:21

@Celiathebanshee You really made me laugh with your post. It's good to know I'm not alone in having these little problems. Maybe I need to put him on an extending dog leash and haul him back when he gets too far ahead! 🤣🤣🤣

Actually, I've just realised that sounds really kinky 😳 and I'm not like that at all!

OP posts:
CarterBeatsTheDevil · 30/11/2025 11:20

My DH does this. In cities and towns I just bimble along behind him at my own pace and don't worry about it too much. If we're on a group walk in the country I walk with the slower walkers and kids and let him speed along at the front. We don't do walks just on our own in remote settings as you do need to stick together and it's not much fun for either of us.

I am now a faster walker than some of my friends as I have become fitter and I do understand that it can be quite frustrating to constantly walk much slower than you want to. I know that trained mountain walkers and guides are very good at this but I think it's different when it's not your job!

Lamentingalways · 30/11/2025 11:18

PigeonsandSquirrels · 30/11/2025 11:01

It’s weird of him imo. My husband is also 6ft and I’m about 5’3. If he was to stride at his fast pace - as he does when commuting etc - I’d be left in the dust. But he holds my hand and we walk side by side as we are on a walk to be together… so he’s perfectly capable of slowing down if he puts more than 3 seconds of thought into it.

I can dawdle or speed up at will because I’m a normal human… if he is incapable of that I’d be worried about his brain capacity. If he wants to walk together he needs to slow down so you walk TOGETHER. If he forgets a polite ‘oy’ might work.

Oh course he can do it. He doesn’t want to, people don’t want to accept that. If you asked him who his dream woman is (if you had that type of relationship) do you think he would walk 100yds in front of her? I would bet my house he wouldn’t. Well actually, after 6mths he would because most of them are thick as mince and do whatever they think they can get away with. He’s gotten complacent and it doesn’t matter to him that it hurts his wife’s feelings. If she left him over this I bet he would be holding her hand and slithering on his belly on a walk to get her back - thus proving it can be done.

ginasevern · 30/11/2025 11:18

@mazedasamarchhare "if I was capable at slowing my pace to match the kids, he was too."

This. The vast majority of normal people are quite capable of matching their pace to the person they're supposed to be walking with. Young children is a good example. What would he do, leave them 15ft behind to fend for themselves? I used to go for walks with my mum when she had a walking frame. Did I charge ahead and claim it was impossible to slow down? Of course not! The OP is neither a small child nor infirm, so it's not as if he'd have to crawl along like a snail. Would he do it with a male friend and look like a total prick? I doubt it. He is perfectly capable of aligning his pace with his wife, he just doesn't want to..

Celiathebanshee · 30/11/2025 11:16

I think you might secretly be married to my husband - I have an album of photos on my phone called 'walks with my husband', pictures of him disappearing into the distance.

Calliopespa · 30/11/2025 11:15

RosesAndHellebores · 30/11/2025 09:32

DH does this. He's not so bad on a walk for the sake of a walk on a scenic route, but he's a bloody nightmare if we are in London together where he ducks and weaves through crowds and across roads. There may have been words and on occasion I've been tempted to peel off and donsomething else to teach him a lesson/give him a shock but he knows I can look after myself.

Agree: it is worst in London, where I do lose sight of DH, especially in the corridors in the tube.

I think its a common issue op. FWIW my mum says I do it to her and it isn't intentional. It's stride-length and fitness related.

But I have thrown the occasional tantum over it when small dc and I lost sight of him in busy cities.

YellowCherry · 30/11/2025 11:15

Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 11:09

So I've just told him about this thread and the various replies and opinions, and he has sincerely apologised. He hadn't really thought about it in much depth before, but accepts now that he has been thoughtless in not moderating his pace, and assures me he will try harder in future! He also agreed that if we walk arm in arm it might help, so we will try that even though he normally swings his arms, so that will be different for him. I think he really does now see that whilst he wasn't being intentionally selfish, he does need to make a bigger effort to compromise and says he will regard these walks as a fun thing rather than an exercise thing, so won't feel like he should be keeping what he calls 'a good pace'. We will see what happens!

But a big thank you to everyone who has replied, and for all the different view points and ideas. You have really helped me!

Good outcome OP!

LovelyTurtle · 30/11/2025 11:14

We don't go for "walks" but my husband does this. And the kids. It ends up them walking miles ahead and me on my own. And then they wonder why I dot want to go out with them!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/11/2025 11:13

StrangePaint · 30/11/2025 10:27

Of course it’s ‘possible’. And absolutely those of us who are parents have done it when our children are small. I could see the post office from our front door in the village we used to live in, but it could easily take 20 minutes to walk there with my toddler. But that doesn’t mean I want to force myself to walk at a pace that is unnatural and uncomfortable for me every time I go walking with another adult, any more than a slower person wants to be hustled along at a speed that’s uncomfortable for them.

Show quote history

Well then why go on a walk with someone if you don’t want to adjust your pace to match theirs? The issue here is that OPs DH is getting upset that she doesn’t want to go walking with him, but he also isn’t willing to adjust his pace. Why would you want to go walking with another adult if you won’t adjust your pace to actually be walking alongside them? If they’re some distance behind you then you may as well go for a walk alone? If the DH wants OP to join him he should adjust his pace and if he won’t do that he can’t be upset she won’t walk with him! If he’s not going to actually walk alongside her what is the point of her joining him anyway?

TeatimeForTheSoul · 30/11/2025 11:12

I don’t understand the comments about it being unfair to ask him to change his pace - you are being forced to change yours.
My DH also does this so I simply stopped managing the consequences for him and let him manage them e.g. letting him get so far ahead he could no longer see me (around a corner or obstacles in the way) so he’d panic and he’d need to find me. Once I even had a nice sit down on a bench so ‘he could find me more easily’ instead of just waiting for me to catch up. He improves for a bit, then needs reminding, but it works.

A compromise is where no-one is gets completely what they want but you come to a middle ground.

NB if you do any formal hiking/leading groups you are taught to put the slowest person at the front as it motivates (speeds them up) and keeps the group together for safety. The fastest are at the back and expected to learn how to works as a team.

Fiftyandme · 30/11/2025 11:11

He’s a thoughtless cunt basically. This is typical man behaviour.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 30/11/2025 11:10

WrigglyDonCat · 30/11/2025 10:42

Walking slowly is painful for me. Weird as it is I get bad lower back pain if I walk slowly or stand still for more than 5 mins or so. As soon as I walk fast it goes - I've always been the same, first noticed it when I was 7 or 8 years old being dragged slowly around shops.

And from experience, when I am faster than someone else, if I slow down, they slow down more - incredibly frustrating (and uncomfortable). I've even taken to walking backwards sometimes as at slow paces it hurts less - and I still walk quicker than most people it seems.

But it isn't entirely (or even significantly) about height and leg length. As any runner can tell you, pace is a combination of stride length and cadence. The only person I've ever walked with a lot who could routinely keep up and even go faster than me is about 5" shorter and with relatively short legs for their height, they just compensated with a high cadence and well worked hip flexors.

You know that’s not normal right? I’d recommend you see a physiotherapist because something is wrong.

Original poster
Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 11:09

So I've just told him about this thread and the various replies and opinions, and he has sincerely apologised. He hadn't really thought about it in much depth before, but accepts now that he has been thoughtless in not moderating his pace, and assures me he will try harder in future! He also agreed that if we walk arm in arm it might help, so we will try that even though he normally swings his arms, so that will be different for him. I think he really does now see that whilst he wasn't being intentionally selfish, he does need to make a bigger effort to compromise and says he will regard these walks as a fun thing rather than an exercise thing, so won't feel like he should be keeping what he calls 'a good pace'. We will see what happens!

But a big thank you to everyone who has replied, and for all the different view points and ideas. You have really helped me!

OP posts:
NeonRiver · 30/11/2025 11:08

DP did this for years, and insisted that he couldn’t slow down because it was just the length of his legs. He has now hurt his knee and I take great delight in walking ahead of him and pointedly stopping so he can catch up. Yes it’s petty; but I think he’s finally understanding my view.

Karatema · 30/11/2025 11:05

99victoria · 30/11/2025 09:33

My OH does this too - same situation- he's 8 inches taller than me.
I make him hold hands when we're out walking so he has to walk at my pace 😂

This ^ My DH is happy to hold hands. It slows him down but, slightly, quickens me up.

nomas · 30/11/2025 11:05

I end up having to half jog in an effort to catch up and then keep a really high half jogging pace to stay beside him.

Please never do this again. This twat watches you struggle and still expects you to take care of his hurty feelings by continuing to walk with him.

You need to find your inner grumpiness and put a stop to this. He either walks with you or he doesn’t get to enjoy your company again and he can go alone.

RampantIvy · 30/11/2025 11:03

I see why you’re annoyed, obviously. but I’m only five foot five and I find walking at a slower pace than my natural one weirdly tiring and difficult.

As a reasonably fast walker I find it very tiring to amble along at a slow pace when all I am doing is walking from A to B. It's different if I am browsing in shops or markets or sightseeing.

I appreciate that I walk faster than some of my close family members and appreciate that they find it difficult to keep up with me, so I either try to walk at their pace or find if I am walking too fast I just stop and wait for them at intervals.

Basically, walking at anything other than your normal pace is tiring, whether it is too fast or too slow.

hellowhaaat3632 · 30/11/2025 11:02

Tbf it's healthy for you to walk fast as you can.

But when I get tired, I make a point and walk REALLY slowly 😂 that shows how fast you've been walking all along and he can bloody well slow down for you then

Otherwise you can tell him to walk on his own

Parker231 · 30/11/2025 11:02

Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 10:01

Thanks everyone, just from these replies I can see that in part I am being unreasonable to expect him to walk at a pace that is not comfortable or natural for him, so I appreciate that. But I also see that he could maybe do a bit more to accommodate me. I'm not asking my husband hare to turn into a full blown tortoise, but equally this short legged tortoise doesn't want to have to sustain a full on jogging pace for an extended period when it is supposed to be a relaxing time.

I think I will ask him if he wants to come for walks with me when I actually do go jogging (which I do twice a week anyway) and we will just have to accept that relaxing countryside strolls are just not something we can do together.

How does your DH cope when he takes your DC’s out for a walk? Does he walk off at this own pace and leave them behind!

nomas · 30/11/2025 11:01

AngelinaFibres · 30/11/2025 10:41

All these people striding ahead. One day one of you won't be there anymore. Stop being a twat. Slow down, link arms, chat, enjoy their company and the scenery. What are you walking that fast for. It will all still be there if it takes you 5 more minutes to get there. My mum is 86. Realistically she's in the twilight of her life. I'll walk at her pace now. There will be years to speed around .....but she will no longer be there.

Same here. I often walk to work, it’s a few miles so I walk at pace. But when I’m with my elderly, disabled mum, I slow it right down and change mindset.

It seems people just don’t expect this sort of consideration from men, but it’s automatically expected from women.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 30/11/2025 11:01

It’s weird of him imo. My husband is also 6ft and I’m about 5’3. If he was to stride at his fast pace - as he does when commuting etc - I’d be left in the dust. But he holds my hand and we walk side by side as we are on a walk to be together… so he’s perfectly capable of slowing down if he puts more than 3 seconds of thought into it.

I can dawdle or speed up at will because I’m a normal human… if he is incapable of that I’d be worried about his brain capacity. If he wants to walk together he needs to slow down so you walk TOGETHER. If he forgets a polite ‘oy’ might work.

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