DH always walks ahead of me. AIBU to refuse to go on walks with him?

But then she doesn’t get to do much exercise whilst he does.

Why is keeping up with him so important?

I have a sort of similar problem, I have to make DH slow down otherwise if I try and keep up with him my back hurts and then we don't get to see anything as I have to sit down.

I take his arm and make him walk slower, it benefits us both

This is terrible! Please start again. You sacrificed your fitness for a man’s feelings, that is so upsetting.

My brother is ex-military and superfit. He does insane extreme solo hikes that I couldn’t do in a million years. Once a year, DH and I do a wild camping long weekend with my brother on Dartmoor, and it’s a family joke that for the first couple of miles my brother has to keep stopping because he’s not used to walking at my pace. Then he gets the hang of it again, and we all walk together quite happily.

If your DH isn’t adjusting himself to walk at your pace, then he’s being an arsehole and I would stop going with him. It’s really not that difficult to slow down, we all do it with small children for years on end. He needs to put his wife above his ego, or get used to being alone.

@Parker231 @VikaOlson @Thingsyoucantadmitoutloud

Of course you can slow down to toddler’s pace. I did it for years with my children and recently with my grandchildren. It is just not a comfortable pace that I would choose to do on a long walk. It is also possible to learn to quicken your pace.
As I pointed out in an earlier reply, the OP is walking quite slowly and slower than average (Naismith’s rule) so maybe she should quicken her pace.

My ex used to do this to me. One day I sat down and waited for him to notice I wasn't there. It took quite a while.

I think doing this shows his level of respect. He clearly doesn't want your company on his walk.

In the words of Mel Robbins, If he wanted to, he would...

My husband is taller than me and manages to walk at my pace because he's not an asshole

We have a similar height difference and my husband walks ahead then stops and waits and asks if I'm okay, and I hate that too! I feel immensely patronised and incompetent - I think it's just a specific incompatibility and the solution is simply not to go on walks together.

To be honest I prefer walking alone anyway - for a few years walking and hiking alone was a big hobby of mine and I was doing multi day hikes, but DH wanting to join me killed my enjoyment completely AND I felt like an arsehole saying I didn't want him to come with me, so I stopped going at all and have lost the fitness I had.

It's a shame.

Hi @Biffatcrafts! I feel your pain as it's a bit like this when DH and I walk together... I'm 5'5" and he's 6'2". This is getting better as we get older (in our 60s now) as he's naturally slowing down a bit. But sometimes he still hares off like a Labrador. He's always sorry when I point it out and slows down, but it often happens next time. Otherwise he's mostly adorable.

However, there is an upside. Years of this has definitely made me fitter as we like walking and I have to work harder to keep up. I honestly think this has done me some good, so hopefully that's the case for you too.

My other half does this and he’s only 2 or 3 inches taller than me. I wouldn’t say I’m slow either. It really irritates me.

I find it hard to imagine being out with someone for a walk and not finding it weird to be that far ahead walking on your own rather than just slowing down. When I ask him to slow down a bit he does but always ends up speeding up again 🙄

Yeah, I’m living life on the edge here. Literally😅 It’s a fairly common thing in people with ADHD, to do with reduced spatial awareness. It’s extremely annoying, but not his fault, so I bite my tongue - most of the time.

What? Of course it's natural...... there's literally prehisttoric footprints of a mum and a toddler walking together thousands of years ago..... the mum wasn't ahead of the child, she was next to it.

We're not designed to bolt ahead and leave our offspring were designed to match their pace when we need to 🤦‍♀️

Don't be silly.
Are you in a rush? Are you trying to win a race?
If you are just strolling to enjoy someone's company (even if that person is your child!) you can comfortably slow down. You just don't want to.

You do it to accommodate their slower pace - same as if your partner is taller/shorter. It’s called being a considerate person.

I just wouldn't walk with him. People who claim they can't slow their 'natural pace' are just rude/selfish so not fun to spend time with 😂

I'm a childminder and I walk at 2/3 year old pace ALL THE TIME and guess what? I haven't died yet. It's possible, it's not painful 🙄and you just need to want to be considerate of the people you are with.

If he isn't interested in walking with you, just let him go off on his own walks.

Your not being unreasonable to expect him to slow down. He can control how fast or slow he walks. Same as most mothers do when they walk with their small children 🤦‍♀️....he doesn't want to. That's the crux of it

What's he like with you day to day?

I'm not saying this is it.... but isn't there a thing about men being passive aggressive by walking off / walking ahead of their partner knowing their struggling? ( I'm not saying your partners doing this but it's definetly somthing to be aware of )

I'm not sure it's anything to do with height or walking pace. I used to have a husband who did this, even when just strolling around shops. He also walked ahead on faster walks but because I'm a fast walker, he was always just a few paces ahead. The gap never increased.

He simply didn't want to walk with me, talk to me or be in my company.

Get yourself one of those kids scooters so you can keep up

But walking slowly with children is uncomfortable and not natural.

My DH used to do this, also complaining that he was just walking at his natural pace. An early option was to make sure I had the keys, so going off ahead was only going to leave him hanging about later. Holding hands also helps, likewise refusing to raise your voice in conversation so he has to hold back to listen. My last ditch attempt to fix it was that if I wasn't in the mood to play catch up, I'd tell him happily that he could go now and I'd set off later; he clearly preferred to walk on his own so I'd rather just plan on going separately from the start. I said that I could have a nice time on my own without getting stressed trying to keep up with him and would be much happier that way. He would then invariably decide not to bother at all, but when I put my shoes on he'd usually change his mind. But then he was joining me on my walk, so my pace, my rules, and if he wandered off I'd ignore him or tell him perfectly pleasantly to just go on ahead because we'd both have a nicer time. It only took a few times of me not caring to make him think. It also helped when I injured my knee and he proved that he was perfectly capable of walking at my pace when he chose to. It's just that before, he either didn't think or didn't care enough. Nowadays he's pretty well trained, knows I'm only going to go at the pace I want and only really gets a few steps ahead without stopping to wait, or I just tell him to slow down, or to come here, and he does. As he knows that I'm perfectly happy to walk without him, but he's a lot less happy to walk without me (or someone else to talk with), it's given me the ability to set the pace every time. This can vary to fast when I'm trying to exercise, or slow if my knee hurts. But as the slowest person it's always up to me to decide.

That is quite slow. Naismith’s rule for hill walking is 3 miles or 5kms an hour.

I walk quite a bit quicker than DH. Over the years we have found our compromise pace. It took some work but we like walking together so we worked on it.

Tell him he's being a numpty and find a compromise that works for you both, even if that's him stopping and waiting every now and then... he can cultivate a photography habit

You are physically able to walk slower - you choose not to. What did you do when your DC’s were little?

I am the fast walker. I physically can not keep walking as slowly as DH.
It is annoying and uncomfortable.

We laugh because we take exactly the same walk and he gets credit for so many more steps on the fitbit- I say because of him walking like a hobbit.

Happened on dog walk today.
My son actually pointed out that he stays exactly the same distance behind so he is actually walking the same pace...

He just likes to dream. He is mooching along in a cloud whilst i am brisker and keep up with the dog. He can keep up but it's not the only reason why he goes on the dog walk-he just relaxes-he does walk with me sometimes and chats and then drifts away.

Neither of us will change so we just get on with it-sometimes side by side and sometimes not.

DH is 6ft 2 and I am 5ft 1. He does this too and it drives me bonkers. I could have written your post word for word. His legs are long and mine are comparatively short so the difference in our natural paces and length of stride is stark.

He rarely seems to get that if out together you need to match the pace of the slower person, like @Ramblingaway describes. Otherwise you just leave people who are supposed to be with you behind. He also doesn't automatically get that if you do pause for them to catch up you don't then set off (at your ridiculously fast pace again), you give them a few minutes to catch their breath and rest a bit. He'd be a terrible rambling group leader and would lose half of his flock. 🙄

I've been known to just stop and wait until he realises that I am not with him. Holding hands also helps. I have also been known to say before we set off that I expect him to at least try and be with me and not "go steaming off" constantly. It works to some extent, at first. Then he just forgets, reverts to form and I have to call out and remind him.

We don't often go for long walks together. They are hard work when short arses are matched against tall people.