DH always walks ahead of me. AIBU to refuse to go on walks with him?

Your DH is a dick. Me & my DH are serious walkers (mountains in Scotland) and the number of couples we see when the man is way ahead of his female companion. We are in agreement that such men are knobheads.

My DH is a lot taller than me but we still manange to walk together companionably, so your DH has no excuse. If we are on a narrow bit of track I always go in front to set the pace or otherwise we walk side by side. We both enjoy walking at a brisk pace.

I have a friend I also frequently walk with, who walks at a much slower pace than my DH, especially up hill. So I slow down when I walk with her. It is not hard and I still enoy the company and the walk. There is no excuse - I am a serious walker and I can accommodate different walk speeds. In any case, every experienced walker knows you also walk at the pace of the slowest. I repeat, your DH is being a dick.

Like another poster mentioned earlier op I cured my dh of doing this with two methods.
1 holding his arm while walking, they notice when they are physically dragging you along! 🤣
2 if not holding his arm ( just like I trained my dog off lead ) if he gets too fast I simply stop and wait for him to notice I’m not there! , if they have to come back for you constantly they notice.
now he is more mindful and keeps his pace slower and actually asks me if he’s going too fast for me .

no you don't. But its different when you do walk together surely?

OP said

I'm 64, and whilst I am fit and healthy and capable of keeping this pace up, it's not something I want to be doing when on what is supposed to be a relaxing stroll together. (I should add here it also happens if we are just going for a walk around town window shopping, or going shopping too. In fact on any kind of activity which involves walking.)

Where did OP say she walks slowly and walks slower than average?

Wanting a casual stroll with your partner is not the same as walking slowly or slower than average 😅

In towns I have the opposite problem and my DP is walking slowly behind, dawdling basically and it gets annoying. Out in the countryside we try to walk (and talk) together - it's meant to be a companionable activity. However, if we're on a narrow path I'd rather be in front as I can't see past him as he's a lot taller and bigger than me. I absolutely do not want to hold his hand all the time and would feel too tethered by that! Either way, you need to accommodate your walking partner's pace and if he can't do that he's walking on his own, eh?

I adore my DH. We’ve been happily together for 32 years. I still don’t want to go for uncomfortable walks where I have to walk at a pace that for me is tiring and unnatural. I choose other people, whose pace matches mine, to go for walks with. We don’t have to live clamped to one another’s side.

Sorry but I think your DH is rude and selfish. My DH is 6ft4 and super fit, I'm 5ft2 and not. We don't have this problem because DH is considerate.

yes. yes you can help it.

I had similar with DP when I started running a few years ago. I had just reached the point where I was getting a real buzz from it, as opposed to wanting to collapse in a heap, when DP started hinting that he would like to run too. Then he started saying he would have taken up running but didn’t want to do it on his own. He didn’t exactly nag me about it, but he would make sad faced comments about how unfit he was and how it was a pity he’d nobody to exercise with. I honestly wouldn’t have got as far as I did with running (not that far, but bloody brilliant for me!) if I had needed to fit in with someone else. Not just him, but anyone. I’m very much not a team player when it comes to exercise and don’t want to feel pressurised to run faster or slower, or go out at a certain time. I’m a morning person. He isn’t. I was happy to go for any number of walks with him, but the running was mine. The guilt was horrible though.

My late husband was much taller than me with a long natural stride and he never ever did this because he wanted to be with me. I leave you to decide what your husband's behaviour says about him

He walks and you are on your bike, might make him run as it will be difficult to cycle so slowly.

"Difficult to adapt" is a rubbish excuse.

People can walk alongside toddlers or elderly family members, they CAN adjust. he just doesn't care enough to do it.

It's rude and men are the worst offenders.

Also, I'd like to point out that they mostly do it to their significant others, never to other men or female colleagues etc.

It's dismissive and rude.

I once watched a TV documentary about mountain climbing, there was a smug American couple who were climbing somewhere extreme in Asia, the two barefoot Sherpas carrying their stuff (masses of it) were miles ahead of the supposedly super fit tourists…every time they came round a corner the Sherpas would be sat smoking a fag, and would then set off leaving them puffing along behind. It remains one of the most unintentional funny things I’ve ever seen on telly!

My DH is slightly shorter than me and he used to do this. He said he couldn't slow down. I highlighted that in fact he could, evidence was in the way he somehow managed to walk with others. While it is true that walking terribly slowly is oddly hard, most folks on this thread aren't doing that kind of really slow crawl. Respect is walking together or not at all.

My dh isn’t that much taller than I am, but we have the same issue - he ALWAYS walks ahead, and it’s not even when we’re going for a walk - if we’re out together anywhere, he he hardly ever walks WITH me, even when e.g. using the London tube.

TBH because of this, I rarely actually go for a walk with him any more, plus there’s the fact that instead of my usual walking pace (and I DON’T mean ambling!) he likes a route-march pace - his family were all the same.

I’ve long given up saying anything about it though, since he’s really not a bad old bugger in other respects. It does sometimes upset me to see so many other couples together, even hand in hand. Dh came from a very ‘male’, all boy family, even MiL was a bit like an honorary boy, and TBH I suspect that he somehow absorbed the idea that walking together or holding hands was sissy/uncool/whatever.

When I go for a walk with my son who is tall with long legs, I have to keep telling him to slow down. He is just a naturally very quick walker.

My DH used to do this... he'll also wipe me off on lampposts and other obstacles when we're walking in town together. In a narrow hotel corridor, he'll cut the corner in front of me, forcing me to hang back, then rush to catch up with him at the lift.

He's a really considerate DP in every other way, but, consequences, so I now don't walk with him at all, in spite of the fact that he'd really like me to. He's a very keen hiker too - but has to content himself with taking hiking trips on his own or with friends. I simply won't go.

Tie his legs together with a bungee cord.

I’m sure I remember a thread like this before that ended in divorce as it was just a sign o& other small disrespects that added up.

There is nothing you can do - he has been clearly brought up to be a rude person, you can't change that.

I walk very fast, it was joked that the reason the grandchildren have their ears so flat to their head was because of the wind whistling past their head as I whizzed about with them in the pushchair! My dh, one pace, and it's a lot slower than mine. The temptation to slap the back of his legs and tell him to look sharp is great! (Lighthearted, obvs, before I'm accused of violence)
When we walk anywhere, we hold hands so the walking speed is more to his speed, but if we have to separate I tend to revert to my normal speed, I can't help it. I have to wait for him as he never speeds up but I love him so I don't mind.

Completely agree. I walk quite quickly and find it tiring and frustrating to walk at a slower pace.

Yep. Mine is 6'4" with gorgeously long legs but will walk at my pace without difficulty or complaint. It's not a physical impossibility, & if you're out in the countryside, surely part of the pleasure is actually looking at/listening to what's around you, as well as tallking to your companion? It's not a race, & I find it even weirder when the man's competitiveness is catered for by other types of walking - surely he can see it's not necessary in every situation?

I have a disability, which means I can't walk so fast any more. Of course, my partner slows down to my pace when we are out for a walk together, only a complete arse would stride out. He also checks that it's not too much for me, checks when I'm crossing over roads, as I can go quite slowly. He goes for fitness walks at other times and exercises when I'm not there.

I just wouldn't go out with someone who strode ahead and then sighed that I was too slow. We hold hands a lot as well, which I like.

Parents change their pace according to their kids all the time, he can do it, he doesn't want to do it.

I would say to him though that he's welcome to go off walking his own speed or doing proper exercise walks without you, or that you can walk together but he either needs to keep pace with you, or stop regularly and wait for you without making it seem like an issue.

I think you need a mix of solutions. If he really wants to go for a stretch his legs, stride across the fields type walk, then yes fair enough for him to go at his own pace and you at yours - but plan for it, don’t just let it happen. Tell him that you’ll catch him up at such and such a point, he is to wait for you there, and wait for you to have a break too when you get there.

If you’re walking together as a companionable thing to do, agree this beforehand and he should slow to match your pace. Hold hands. If he drifts ahead call out “oy, come back here”.

Probably you need to do both. My dad walks far faster than my mum, always has. They don’t do a lot of walks together but what they tend to do is they’ll walk together for a bit, then she’ll sit and do birdwatching, and he’ll stride across the hills for an hour and come back to find her and they’ll carry on together. Or they’ll walk the first part of a loop together, then she’ll sit and read or walk more slowly, and he’ll go back and get the car.