DH always walks ahead of me. AIBU to refuse to go on walks with him?

Just enjoy! Put some audio book on and have a great time

Tell him you're not longer going on walks with him .... and why!

It’s weird that he wouldn’t slow down to keep up with you. Says a lot about what he thinks of your company. There are a few online articles about a man pacing ahead of of woman he’s meant to be out with

My DH does this. Walks quite far in front of me and he never has a clue where he’s going anyhow. I just make sure I always have the kids, dogs, car keys or tickets with me and if he strays too far it’s his own fault and he can come find me.

Its nothing to do with height in my opinion..I am 5ft 1 and walk faster than my husband. I have always walked fast. I find it extremely difficult to walk slowly and when my husband asks me to I find it really restrictive. Its just not natural to me. Even when I do match his pace he will then slow even further. He says daft things like how can you see anything when you walk so fast..well I think I average just over 3 miles an hour but I like to walk at 3.5 to 4. So i assure him i dont miss anything. Thats why I prefer to walk on my own. I can see for you its frustrating but for him its equally so. I have no solutions I am only sharing my experience. Good luck with finding a middle ground we haven't

Yep. Mine does this too, whether out walking or shopping. Drives me mad.

Don't they all?

It's the standard thing to see when we go back to DP's home village - as you come over the moor, first you see a woman with 2-3 kids shoving a city-type/lightweight buggy laden with bags (and often a couple of bikes), then the dog she's insisted stays on a lead because of the sheep he reckons shouldn't be so stupid as to think a dog wants to eat them, then about 150 yards up the road, you find the Manly Man striding through the wilderness on the wrong side of the road (the left) in his expensive fleece, hat, sunglasses and shorts perfect for the ticks to get him.

By the time you've been in the pub for an hour or so, he's walking in looking all pissed off because he can't buy a drink due to him dumping his keys, cards and phone on her until she catches up.

Love it.

So he left you behind with shopping and kids too? 😮

I found with the ex who did this responded quite well to dog training techniques.

If you have a dog that pulls on the lead or is in some way a pain in the backside going forward, a way to discourage that is as soon as the unwanted behaviour happens, you turn and walk in the opposite direction.

Only did it twice. He soon worked out that whilst he may have thought it was funny for people to see me trotting behind with the kids/shopping/dog, other people found it much funnier to see him looking confused when he realised we were trailing in his wake.

All my family naturally walk faster than me but when they're with me they slow down.
Even my husband.
It's not impossible, if they want to they can.

Yanbu. My DH is tall so naturally walks faster, but slows his pace to match mine, because he's considerate. I've had to remind him at times, like when I was recovering from a chest infection and a bit slower than usual, but overall he's aware I'm slower ( as I'm shorter) and he slows down for me. I wouldn't race to keep up with him if he didn't.

That is absolute bollocks. I walk briskly with my DH, more slowly with my slower pal.These are often all day walks too. It really is not hard to do, don’t lie.

The older age range as quoted by @nomas included all people included in this age range walking. That would include people who have aged badly, people who are overweight and people with disabilities. Anyone going for a specific walk does not necessarily include these people, so you would aim higher. If you read the elderly parents topic, on this forum, may people are complying about having to cope with people this age. We don’t all age the same.

This doesn’t make sense. Why would you “aim for a better average”? OP walks faster than average for her age group, albeit not as fast as you. Age is one of the biggest factors determining average walking speed. There’s absolutely no reason she should try to correct / speed up her walking pace - especially when she’s specifically trying to walk and talk with her DH, not necessarily complete a challenging long hike.

Exactly. To all the people saying it is impossible / very uncomfortable, do you never walk with young children or older people / with reduced mobility?

You’re not being unreasonable to want whatever you want, however it’s really incredibly hard, both physically and mentally for someone who naturally walks fast to walk very slowly. It stops it being an enjoyable walk.

I think there is an assumption that walking slowly is really easy but walking fast is impossible, that’s not really the case.

Thanks for understanding.

@nomasis sort of right too of course.

The guilt is hard to deal with when they actually want to go with you and you have to actively say "no, I don't want you to" especially when you both work full time etc. so society (and RL friends) are always talking about doing things with their partners.

Tbh when I was doing a lot of walking a lot of women friends also made noises about going together, and I did walk with one friend for a while - our pace was at least matched - but in all honesty I only really enjoy hiking solo.

I'm finding other people feeling entitled to my free time tricky atm anyway - menopause, juggling responsibilities etc

There's a lot of internal conflict.

Your DH is the one who is being unreasonable. I accept the point he makes that he is a naturally faster walker but he can't have his cake and eat it! Either he always walks alone at whatever pace he likes or he makes accommodations for your slower pace when out with you. This is not difficult. He must see he is racing ahead and leaving you behind. If he wants you to sometimes go walking with him then it has to be an enjoyable activity for you both.

My DH also walks much more quickly than me when on his own but when we walk together he slows down for me so we can walk and chat. When I told him about your situation he said he feels your DH should either proritise a nice walk with you or bombing along at his preferred speed but only go for walks on his own.

On the flip side I can cycle more quickly than my DH but always slow down if out with him as otherwise it's not a joint outing just 2 people travelling to the same place at their own speed!

He's being a dick. If he cared enough he'd compromise as you've suggested.

My DH is 10 inches taller than me, and he never does what you've described.

@nomas
Of course walking speed is slower in older people because many don’t walk that much, but if you are going out specifically on a walk then you would aim for a better average.

OP’s walking pace is within the average for her age

Average walking speed by age

Ages 60-69: 2.7–3.0 mph (4.3–4.8 km/h)

Ages 70-79: 2.53–2.82 mph (4.1–4.5 km/h)

You haven’t read all of OPs posts. OP says she walks 4km an hour. Average walking speed is 5km an hour. So she is slow. She may want a casual stroll, clearly her husband doesn’t and they need to talk about it.
It is possible both to slow down and quicken your walking pace. For what it os worth, I am 73 and every year I have to retrain my walking pace before we go on our walking holidays, in the summer.

Similar issue with me and my DH due to height/stride length. We have a few ways to try to make this work:

for strolling around town - he tries to walk a bit slower, and I try to walk a bit quicker and sort of meet in the middle.

for fitness - I try to match his pace, but means we need to take more regular breaks, I’ve renamed it “interval training”!

for when we are in town but in a hurry - he will still, for example nip across the road ahead of me, but accepts that he will then have to wait for me to catch up.

if I’m having a particularly slow day, then we agree he’ll go ahead and either do a quick task, like post a letter, or join the queue for coffee.

the only time he ever gets frustrated is if I’ve got distracted by something shiny, and wandered off in another direction entirely - and that seems fair enough to me.(obviously I don’t do that all the time, but ADHD does occasionally get in the way!)

My husband has a tendency to do the same and it pisses me off too. And I'm not a slow walker.

I absolutely don't mind when we go hiking, but when we got out for a walk in town or the park, the point is that we're going together. If the plan was to go for a walk on our own then I'd do that.
The worst used to be when we had our first baby and he would leave me behind the pushchair or struggling toddler🙄it felt like such a stereotype!

It's a lot better now as we've 2 slow toddlers, I guess we both got used to walk a lot slower!

Noodling around town looking for something, sure. Walking from home down the hill to a meal in our favourite restaurant (about a fifteen-minute walk), sure. With effort. But I would definitely avoid any optional walks with him, as I would with any dawdler.