DH always walks ahead of me. AIBU to refuse to go on walks with him?

I can assure you that I both love and like my husband. Does that I mean I want to dawdle every time I walk? No.

Hand to god, I think I keep coming back to this site because it often reminds me my husband not only loves me, but likes me.

OP, c’mon. YANBU and you know that

When my DH does this, I just pretend I can’t hear him if he speaks. He soon stops and waits. Conversation tends to keep him at my pace 😊

Can’t really remember any issues when the kids were little, I suppose I made some adjustment but they are both fast walkers now too so 🤷🏻‍♀️. They both had loads of energy & were always running everywhere so I suppose kept up. It doesn’t seem to have had a detrimental effect on them.

Same but in reverse. My husband is taller than me but walks soooo slow, even when we are in a rush to be somewhere. He absolutely can walk faster - he is very fit and runs half marathons- but he just likes to take it at his own sweet pace. We will each be walking with one of our girls and distracted and then realise he is way behind, even our 6 year old thinks he is slow. So some people are naturally just slower or faster walkers, but it is annoying

I presume you just accept that when your sons have toddlers and young children that your sons when taking them walking somewhere will simply walk off and abandon them, because how can they walk slower? Or are you thinking they will be stellar dads if they stop and wait once they are 100m ahead of their 3yo while walking along beside a busy road or in a crowded shopping centre or all the other very very usual places to walk every day with young children?

Yeah - that's what I did as well. Sometimes, I would just peel off and go in another direction until he realised and had to come looking for me. It's very rude to just storm off in front, particularly if he says he wants to walk WITH you. Being 10 metres in front is not walking 'with' someone.

6'3 woman here. I dont think YABU to want to have the same pace, but as a longer strider/faster walker myself, it's just as hard to slow your pace as it is to speed it up. Maybe walking together just isnt the activity for you.

He's not the only one - mine is just the same. He does sometimes try hard, particularly if I've had a go at him about it, but unless I say something he will just stride on without really noticing that I'm falling behind. It's worse when DD is with us, as she is stuck trying to work out who to walk with.

We don't go on walks much, and on our last holiday I had a bad back, so we walked even less and he was very aware that I was struggling, so was pretty good.

My running speed is very slow - I discovered in the summer that DD could walk at my running speed, and I persuaded DH out to keep me company on my last run (him walking). It does make my slow running embarrassingly obvious, but in terms of getting a bit of fresh air together, it worked better than a stroll!

You aren't compatible walkers so you are not unreasonable to not walk together for leisure.

I was taught that this was unbelievably fucking rude and dismissive.

Some people have commented about kids and what did people do. Well i have 5 and I am a fast Walker. By age 3 all my kids could walk 3km but I did still use a pram from time to time due to their slow pace. And a buggy board. My eldest is now 27 and my youngest 3. All my adult children are fast walkers.

I am 5ft 3 and my sons are 6ft 1 and 6ft 2. We have established that for everyone of my 6ft 1 son’s strides I take 3 paces. He will look like he’s ambling along and I am literally jogging to keep up. My 6ft 2 son has tried to walk slower but finds it awkward and uncomfortable. Imagine being told you had to shuffle instead of taking your normal stride which is in effect what you’re asking the tall person to do. It is what it is. It doesn’t bother me because they can’t help it. They’re not even walking fast. They just cover more ground with their normal stride.

DH & I frequently see men striding ahead of their female partners, waiting for them to catch up, then striding on again. We consider these men to be knobheads. Why go for a walk with someone if you’re not going to actually walk with them? And why is it always men?

Nobble him. If you have a toddler, 5 points for every kick to the heel.

My late partner always walked faster than me. He would wait at some point for me to catch up. Didn[t bother me at all!

My OH does this OP and I find it really disrespectful.

if you have kids, what did you do about walking when the kids were little?

I’m 5’7 & my husband 6’1, both in our early 60s. I’ve always walked much faster than him even when he was running marathons (he doesn’t run now due to a back issue but is still fit) & I still do. Like others have said if you are a naturally fast walker it’s very hard to slow your pace down just as, for a slower walker, it’s hard to speed up. Consequently most of the time we happily walk on our own.

My husband so often walks way ahead of me , he is a lot taller .
It is worse when we have our dog with us and I might stop to let dog sniff or toilet .
Husband very rarely stops to even check where I am .
I feel it’s disrespectful, one day I will turn round and go elsewhere, maybe get a taxi or bus home 🥺 or even somewhere else

My husband and I are in our 70s. He's 6ft 2ins and I'm a foot shorter and in the past he's argued that if he always slows down to my pace, he won't get enough exercise to keep healthy, which is fair enough. What we do now is walk and talk on the outward leg and go at our own different paces on the way back. Gives us both time to enjoy the scenery and I'm usually back at the car about 5 mins at most later than him. A bloke did once ask if we'd had a row though!

Not sure if it's been suggested but thought I'd add that you need to incorporate sitting into these walks. Either on a bench, a wall, a sturdy tree stump or at a pretty viewpoint. Then have your conversations there. And you don't get to start walking again until you've had a full break from walking. As assuming he'll get there first 😂
I would recommend buying seating pads for this. We use foil ones which fold up small for a pocket or backpack.
I would also get him into things like botany and fungi. Then he'll be stopping every five minutes trying to identify things haha.

But he is upset about it and feels I am being unfair (and rejecting him) by not wanting to do this activity together.
So what does he say when him walking ahead of you all the time makes you feel rejected?

My DF will do this when we walk together - but its nothing to do with legs because I am as tall as him. He just does not see why he should wait for anyone to keep up with him, so if I stop to tie a lace, or pick up dog poo, he will go sailing on. Whereas I, well socialized woman that I am, am looking constantly to make sure everyone is ok.

I will tell him to stop. But if he said he couldnt do anything different, I would refuse to walk with him.

I voted for you're being unreasonable, because you will keep in much better shape jogging after him.😂
My dad was like this. He'd stride off and disappear over the horizon. We all got used to it and my mum kept in incredible shape. At 84 she'd still jog while taking her dog for a walk, even though my dad was at home stricken with PD.
My youngest son is like this as well. He's very much like my dad in many ways. He's had girlfriends complain about him striding off, but that doesn't stop him. I think he's looking for a fast 'n fit girl, so they can run off together. He did make me mad once when we were going into Walmart, through that side door that's not automatic, and it closed on me as I was trying to get through with a full shopping cart. You couldn't see his heels for dust. I'm going to warn his future girlfriends so they don't think he's pissed off at them or something.