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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH always walks ahead of me. AIBU to refuse to go on walks with him?

259 replies

Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 09:23

I'm really am not sure if I am being unreasonable here or not, so please tell me if I am. And I know this is pretty stupid and small in the scale of things, but it's causing tension between my DH and I.

My DH is taller than me by quite a bit (I'm 5'1" and he is 6') so whenever we go for a walk together even if we start out side by side he always seems to stride ahead of me. It gets to the point where I feel like anyone looking at us would think we weren't actually together so great is the distance between us.

It usually gets to the point where I either have to accept that we are effectively walking separately, or I end up having to half jog in an effort to catch up and then keep a really high half jogging pace to stay beside him.

I'm 64, and whilst I am fit and healthy and capable of keeping this pace up, it's not something I want to be doing when on what is supposed to be a relaxing stroll together. (I should add here it also happens if we are just going for a walk around town window shopping, or going shopping too. In fact on any kind of activity which involves walking.)

His reply when I ask him to slow down is that he is simply walking at his normal pace, and that it happens because his legs are so much longer than mine. I can see his point, but I do feel like a little kid running after a parent sometimes.

It's driving me mad, and now I feel like what is the point of going for walks together if he isn't actually going to walk with me? He is super fit, and I do know that if he is on his own he walks very fast (he records his solo walks on Strava and I can see the distances he walks and the pace he maintains).

I've said I am happy to walk a bit faster, but that he needs to walk a bit slower too, and he has tried, but somehow he always seems to speed up and ends up ahead of me again. It's getting to the stage where I've now refused to go for walks with him because I just can't see the point if we end up walking separately. But he is upset about it and feels I am being unfair (and rejecting him) by not wanting to do this activity together.

So am I ...
YANBU to not want to do these walks with him?
YABU - I should just jog on and try and keep up!

Also, do other DHs out there do this too, and if so what have you done / said to resolve it?

OP posts:
Skpt · 30/11/2025 10:11

How far ahead does he get? If his natural is so much faster than you that he can’t walk at your pace, he must end up miles ahead of you. If, however, he gets to about 20m or so in front and stays there with no further increase in distance between you, then he can walk at your pace, he is just being an arse because he wants to walk faster and is trying to get you to hurry up.

ShortAndIntense · 30/11/2025 10:10

YANBU. I’m 5’0 and my DH is 5’11 with much longer legs. He never walks off ahead of me. It’s a respect thing. It’s disrespectful to walk off and leave someone behind. If my DH did it, I’d tell him so. There were a couple of times at the beginning of our relationship 10 years ago when I had to ask him to slow down, but he got the message pretty quickly.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 30/11/2025 10:09

Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 10:07

@Theeyeballsinthesky wow! You are my height and walk faster than your DH? You must be very fit!

Ha no it's not like that :) he's probably fitter than me it's just that I stride along and he ambles along. He just doesn't do fast in any aspect of his life soooo I slow down when I'm with him

Lamentingalways · 30/11/2025 10:09

Mine used to do this. Then I had a glow up and he no longer does - go figure!

I make sure I walk ahead of him now whenever I can. Toxic though.

Original poster
Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 10:07

@Theeyeballsinthesky wow! You are my height and walk faster than your DH? You must be very fit!

OP posts:
HopSpringsEternal · 30/11/2025 10:06

Ramblingaway · 30/11/2025 09:42

My dad was a trained mountain leader. You always go at the pace of the slowest. There's a knack to it, but all good leaders/walkers can do it, and don't blame the length of their legs etc. what you don't do is go faster, then stop and wait for someone to catch up, then immediately set off again when they reach you (because then you get a break and the slower person doesn't). If he can't do it, then he's not a good walking companion so I wouldn't bother walking with him.

People can do it but its irritating. I have two friends who I used to walk with by they are so slow (taller than me but just slow). It drives me insane. We had to stop walking together.

ForCraftyWriter · 30/11/2025 10:01

Surly it’s plain selfish? So what if it’s awkward or takes some getting used to.

Original poster
Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 10:01

Thanks everyone, just from these replies I can see that in part I am being unreasonable to expect him to walk at a pace that is not comfortable or natural for him, so I appreciate that. But I also see that he could maybe do a bit more to accommodate me. I'm not asking my husband hare to turn into a full blown tortoise, but equally this short legged tortoise doesn't want to have to sustain a full on jogging pace for an extended period when it is supposed to be a relaxing time.

I think I will ask him if he wants to come for walks with me when I actually do go jogging (which I do twice a week anyway) and we will just have to accept that relaxing countryside strolls are just not something we can do together.

OP posts:
Theeyeballsinthesky · 30/11/2025 10:01

Exactly the same height difference between DH at 6ft and me at 5ft1 - and left to my own devices im the one who walks faster but I don't because I want to walk with DH. If I'm on my own I stride off like it's a race

So he absolutely can slow down, he just doesn't want too so he can go for walks on his own!

mazedasamarchhare · 30/11/2025 10:01

My dh does this, it used to piss me off when the kids were younger, because inevitably I would be left with the kids, whilst he strolled off into the wide blue yonder, taking all the frigging snacks with him!
if I was capable at slowing my pace to match the kids, he was too. Yes it’s hard initially not walking your natural pace, but with a bit of practice you get used to it.

herbalteabag · 30/11/2025 09:59

My sons do this. They slow down for a bit but then it happens again! Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly calling for them to slow down. I think they don't realise when they start going too fast again as that's obviously what's natural for them. I

Justlovedogs · 30/11/2025 09:55

Ramblingaway · 30/11/2025 09:42

My dad was a trained mountain leader. You always go at the pace of the slowest. There's a knack to it, but all good leaders/walkers can do it, and don't blame the length of their legs etc. what you don't do is go faster, then stop and wait for someone to catch up, then immediately set off again when they reach you (because then you get a break and the slower person doesn't). If he can't do it, then he's not a good walking companion so I wouldn't bother walking with him.

This. If he can't slow, there's no pleasure for you so don't go. Another option could be to join a rambling group where you walk with the slower members, he walks with faster and you come back together at the end. You're both doing the activity together, ie at the same time, but just not side by side.

Original poster
Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 09:53

@99victoria I like the idea of holding hands, I think I will try it (even though I worry that he will still stride ahead and then I really will look like a kid being dragged along by an angry parent 😂)

OP posts:
Lostsadandconfused · 30/11/2025 09:52

My partner walks a lot faster than me, he’s considerably taller and is a pro golfer so used to striding around 18 holes very day.

We’re always holding hands or arm in arm so I let him know if he’s pulling me along and he slows down immediately.

If we’re out for exercise I don’t mind it as it challenges me to walk faster.

Original poster
Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 09:49

@FinallyHere I think you've asked the right question for me ... I would love to talk, and we do start off talking, but as he pulls further ahead it becomes impossible so we both end up walking separately and in silence.

I'd love to walk and talk with him but it just seems impossible.

OP posts:
OSTMusTisNT · 30/11/2025 09:47

DH sometimes does this, i just wander along at my usual pace.

Airports are the worst, why he feels the need to rush from queue to queue bamboozles me.

No real answer but you do your pace, if you stop to admire the view or take a photo so what, he can stand and wait on you catching up.

Thenose · 30/11/2025 09:47

My dh did this in the early days. I would stop, wait for him to realise I wasn't with him, then wait for him to realign himself before continuing.

If he hadn't done this, I'd have turned back around.

Original poster
Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 09:47

@StrangePaint @Rafting2022 I understand what you mean about feeling uncomfortable walking at a different pace to your normal one, whether faster or slower. I can appreciate that it is not pleasant at all.

I think we just have very different walking paces it seems.

OP posts:
Twinkletwinkly · 30/11/2025 09:46

2 options. Go all romantic and hold hands. If that’s not an option sit on a wall or bench when he’s not paying attention and see how long it takes for him to notice you’re missing 🚶‍♂️

YellowCherry · 30/11/2025 09:45

YANBU. If he really can't slow done then that's fine, but he can't make a fuss if you choose not to walk with him.

Original poster
Biffatcrafts · 30/11/2025 09:43

@EleanorReally He says he understands and does slow down for a bit, but then just goes back to his normal pace after a while

OP posts:
Georgiepud · 30/11/2025 09:42

My husband is the same, and a lot taller than I am. It's not an easy one to resolve.

I'm fast and furious at walking, and other things, when I want to be.

At the beginning of a walk, I go off like a rocket. He has the cheek to complain!

Then, after 5 minutes I'm the slower one holding him back, and he complains again!

Good luck, but try not to let it get you too wound up.

PinkFootstool · 30/11/2025 09:42

Not unreasonable.

I sold my motorbike rather than go riding with DH anymore because he fucks off at high speed and thinks it funny.

I am a safe rider who likes the speed limit on a bike, I am not a racer (although can't say the same in a car....) and refuse to follow.

If he can't share this with you, don't do it.

Ramblingaway · 30/11/2025 09:42

My dad was a trained mountain leader. You always go at the pace of the slowest. There's a knack to it, but all good leaders/walkers can do it, and don't blame the length of their legs etc. what you don't do is go faster, then stop and wait for someone to catch up, then immediately set off again when they reach you (because then you get a break and the slower person doesn't). If he can't do it, then he's not a good walking companion so I wouldn't bother walking with him.

StrangePaint · 30/11/2025 09:41

FinallyHere · 30/11/2025 09:33

While I understand the practical issues about length of legs, I wouldn’t want to go out walking with someone like that.

The pleasure for me walking together is to talk as we go along. I have some great companions for walking. They comes in all sizes and shapes and we just naturally match our strides because we are engaged and listing to each other.

Are you talking as you walk?

I have some friends I adore but with whom I would never go on a long walk because our strides don’t ’naturally match’, though, however interesting the conversation is. I’d meet them for coffee or a drink.