OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

Its your house...he expects your relatives to have to give advance warning of visits...he tells you to go and sit upstairs during his "family" visits and basically treats you like an inanimate domestic appliance and he expects you to sit alone at home and be excluded from Christmas Day...why on earth are you putting up with this. Are you married. Is he on the mortgage / deeds....

Hard no from me.
LTB too
x

Oh, like the other poster who also said 'just stop doing it', you have a DH who already actually contributes so your children would never have to actually go without.

You might not celebrate Christmas but the vast majority of families do, and it's important to them. It is important to children.

It's ridiculously unhelpful to blame women with crap husbands for having children with them in the first place. Not exactly constructive and ignores how insidious these relationship problems can be.

This is insanely bizarre, but it sounds like you're on the path to getting rid of him.And I'd say you're not wrong.

I do have a child, yes. We share responsibility for them equally. Actually, DH probably does more.

From day one we have had an equal partnership. I have never ever bought a card or gift for any member of his family, adult or child, or done all the work for any celebration (we don’t celebrate Xmas).

Im suspecting the OH has always been a lazy arse. If the OP has allowed this, and rewarded it by bearing children and keeping on doing “everything” she has to take some responsibility for that.

This is perfect 💯

they’re awful. how dare he try to take them from you on xmas day.

sneak out with the kids and leave dh behind on xmas day. if he can do it so can you.

THIS!

He advises me that my own parents must give me advance warning when they want to visit but his family can just turn up on the day.Its my house as well by the way that I own.

Again. Why?

It's your house, why would you let this dickhead dictate what you do? I really don't understand.

He is a very strange man.

What strange is that you are staying with him.

I would be splitting up and seeing him as little as possible.

OP, tell him you want Christmas Day with just you, DH and the kids. He can do whatever he wants with “his” family on Christmas Eve (cousins, mother, visiting grandmother, hosting, whatever) and you’ll stay out the way (set up Netflix in your bedroom with booze and snacks and wrap all the kids presents, or go out and have a brilliant day), then you’ll do what you want with “your” family on Boxing Day (go to your parents and let them spoil you for the day and leave him home alone to sulk? Or host your parents and tell him to fuck off for the day?)

I just read your updates OP and though I’m spitting feathers here, things make a bit more sense (in a ghastly, depraved way.)

That family sound like something dark and oozing we’d all prefer not to know about, who've lived for centuries in parts of the country where the woods seem to shift about and lawlessness is their way of life. Incomers like you are chattels really, brood mares of no other use or interest.
That’d be all very well perhaps, if you had been brought to live among them upon marriage. After all, you chose to marry him.

But this unconscionable throwback, who thinks you should live in the cupboard under the stairs, is living in YOUR house, and still dictates who shall come to visit, and whom your children shall visit, all excluding you.

In your shoes I’d be at a solicitor’s office and Women’s Aid on Monday, intent on finishing this ridiculous setup.
Even if you don’t mind about the basis on which you are living as the mother of these children, they are observing you permitting this dismissal of your right to exist by their father, all year round..
Don’t let that poisoning of their responses continue. Sack that husband and his grotesque family, and try civilisation.

What the actual fuck? No way

Are you married, you keep referring to him as other half? If not and it’s your house then come on such an easy solution - ask him to leave. He treats you like a doormat and mug and you’re letting him.

Well you can. It’s a wanker thing to do, but you can. Yelling HARD NO MATTER IS FINISHED at him doesnt actually stop him

They are op's children and if she wants them in their home on xmas day, thats what should happen

Given that she does everything and is their mother, thats her right

Why shes wasting time overthinking it, I dont know but its a simple 'no, the kids are staying home, if your mum wants to pop by to see us all then she can'

Unless he is abusive or controlling, then thats another issue

You can’t just take your kids away from their parent who has spent ages preparing for Christmas Day on a whim. I mean there’s no law against it but it’s a dick move. And OP does have to agree to who their children are exposed to.

Of course it’s not finished. He’s their father why wouldn’t he just take them anyway? They’re not OPs children to grant access to only when she agrees

Its very rude of her not to invite you. Why is she doing that ? Its just plain old nasty. Does she have problems with socialising.

I think youre being too emotional about this 😭

He wants to take your kids away from you on christmas day?? There's a very clear answer, and the matter is finished 😭

Leave leave leave - run. Wishing you the best x

Do you have kids? If you were pissed off your partner did none of the Christmas work would you seriously not get your kids any presents or Christmas dinner? That would be extremely cruel. It's not like it's a real choice.

Yes, OP should leave him, and maybe in good time she will, but in the meantime there is no way she's going to just not do Christmas.

Saved me writing anything! 👍

OP, get out of this weird family and have a happy life just you and your kids.

I just wanted to say I very much enjoyed the “in words he will understand” portion of your response. I laughed aloud and it was very much needed after a long week. Thank you. 😁

I know this guy is acting like a knob, but i really can't understand all the exhortations to get back at him via the children.

That's just awful.

Please don't use your kids as pawns 'Im taking them out myself unless you do more around the house' etc etc.

Talk to each other. Don't use the kids to get at each other. That is just appalling parenting.