OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

This. I would bag his crap up and dump it on his Mums doorstep then get the locks changed. You need never have him set foot in your home ever again if you dont want him there. You most certainly do not have to tolerate his presence for Christmas Day or indeed on any other day.

He says he will be gone by Monday, thanks goodness. He is adamant he will be coming here for his Xmas Day dinner, I will probably just end up going to my parents to be honest.

Or just change the locks so he can’t get in.

He is adamant he will be coming here for his Xmas Day dinner, I will probably just end up going to my parents to be honest.

Fab! Your time to shine OP by him thinking it's at 2pm, only for you to have all eaten it and by done at 1pm!! Or just doing enough for you and the children and nothing for him.

It is a difficult time for you, but there are many ways you can wind his stupid selfish arse up.

Do a benifits calculator

https://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/

Is he self employed or does he work for someone. If he is self employed he could absolutely fiddle things so you get nothing. However. If he's employed it's a bit harder. If he's prepared to make his kids suffer by limiting his CM he's a wanker and a shit father.

He’ll still be hanging around like a bad smell on Monday. The Christmas dinner comment shows he stills thinks he is the one who calls all the shots. Be mentally prepared to take some more practical measures as Monday rolls around.

He says he will be gone by Monday, thanks goodness.He is adamant he will be coming here for his Xmas Day dinner, I will probably just end up going to my parents to be honest.

This has taken a sudden turn. You've told him you want to split up with him and for him to move out and his response was to tell you he'd be coming for Christmas dinner?? That is rather random!

Did he say anything else?

Make sure you get his key back- or even better change all the locks! Good luck.

If he's leaving your home, why the hell is he expecting to eat Xmas dinner there?
Tell him NO! He sounds awful, good luck x

OP let me tell you, living as a lone parent is a lot easier than living with a man like this. Well done for making a stand. Please check on benefits and if you can start thinking about how you can change jobs or start full time. Seems the money is worrying you, but obviously you can also go to the CSA to make him pay child support. You can do this.

I honestly tried to type something and either it doesn't work, or it has crap autocorrect. 🙄

So this cheeky bastard thinks hes coming to get his dinner off you on xmas day? So he can sit at the head of the table, while you serve him? Fuck that shit. 😠 😡 😤
He can piss off to his mums, or to his Andrew-Tate-clone of a sexist cousin's house for his dinner. The wanker. 👎

OP are your kids in nursery full time funded or even reception at school? (I'm sure I read that they were both under 5) 🤔
If not then do you have any family close by (parents, siblings, cousins, best friend) or fellow mums that you could rely on for support and childcare? 🫂

Don't let this man show your children that it's okay to treat their mother like shit. Get your ducks in a row and get organised. 🦆🦆🦆

It sounds like the bastard has ground you down. Get mad and get organised. You do not deserve to be treated like this. 💐

@snowhunny

Im so sorry my MN/Internet is acting up and it looks like I get to the end of the comments but then there are more Im not seeing. I think I am fully up to date now.
He is awful, Im so glad you have asked him to leave, and Im so sorry you have had to go through all of this.
Maybe a nice Christmas at your parents is just what you and DC need xx

You will still be entitled to benefits if you own the house, definitely look into that today.
Im so relieved you’ve asked him to leave, each one of your updates has shown what an awful relationship you’re in.
He did you a massive favour by refusing to marry you, I really hope you get to spend Christmas exactly as your choose surrounded by love.

Sorry my fault MN didn't load the rest of the comments for me until now.
Ive read on and he sounds absolutely awful. You do need to get away from him I think. But possibly need to consider the fact you then could be without DC every second weekend, every second Christmas etc. And maybe get yourself some counselling around that fact, but being in a toxic environment is not good for anyone. And if the cousin does come round on Christmas make sure DH knows you will not be going out etc you will be staying with your kids. Or if you want a break from DH go into the next room and read a book or something

Surely this is the better option? Id say to him yes please do bring your cousin round, but leave MIL until boxing day...this way you get to spend Christmas in your own home with your kids!!
If the relationship is strained maybe he feels uncomfortable with the thought of having to spend Christmas day as a family unit and pretend to be happy etc when hes not?

The relationship doesnt sound too healthy, but if you are headed for divorce you need to remember that depending on custody arrangements you could be without DC every second Christmas, so maybe counselling is an option first to see if you can work out thr issues?

I find there is just no point in expecting people to thank for presents/buy in return, of coarse it's just very basic manners, but some people simply dont have that. The family are obviously very different people to you, and thats ok you dont have to get on with them. But there's also no point in blaming DH as this is just his family, the way he was brought up and what's hes used to, so he is not going to see these issues as you do. You can't blame him that his MIL doesnt buy for the kids/want to see the kids. If there is more going on then fair enough but I wouldn't fall out with him over this x

Edited to add MN had not loaded all comments for me for some reason when I wrote this, he sounds awful op. X

You sound very alone in this scenario. Who have you got in your corner, especially locally? There is no shame in confiding in one of two really trusted people. You can also ask for police help if he refuses to leave.

No judgement. It seems like you have been though a tough time with him. Sounds like a lovely idea to go to your parents and being taken care of for once. Cant believe he things you would still serve him Christmas dinner after this. He has pushed you too far not thinking you would ever take the control back. As for the child maintenance, my lousy ex couldn't stick to the £15 a week agreement we had made (felt back as i left him which was why I come to this), I said i would go to cms if he didn't pay. He threatened the same that i wouldn't get nothing, then I did. Follow through the threat and got £43 a week. 2 years later he moved abroad so I got nothing. But doubt that would be happening for many. These types get manipulative when they feel loosing control

Thank your lucky stars you didn't marry him and get to keep your house you own and let this cold hearted man go. His family sound odd and cold and it has rubbed off on him. Normal families accept longterm partners as part of the family. Especially if they have had a child together. You can't eliminate the parent of the child from the family when you are also part of a couple.

No way should you let him take the children away without you on Christmas day to sit cleaning up after the meal you have provided and just waiting there alone. Tell him to do one. It doesn't sound like this relationship can get back to a place where you could have a happy life together and be seen as family and an equal. Dont let your kids see this as a norm in what to expect in a relationship. Women are not men's slaves

That's not a reason

You are in the best position in that your house is yours only. Please kick him out for good and realise that not all men are like this.he treats you SO badly it’s no wonder his family does. How old are the kids?

i agree with his statement, “you need to change”. You absolutely do! You need to stop tolerating him making your life miserable.

Get rid of this loser and your life will be instantly better. He is dragging you down. Seek help from family/friends/Woman's Aid to ensure you are safe when you break free of him.

Well, it's a good job you disnt marry as he can't try to claim half your house.

have just text him (he is at his mum's) he needs to move out asap as I am so unhappy and it's time to move on.

I'd tell him to stay there and not come back. Say you don't want to be with him any more and he can spend all of his time with his mum going forwards.

Go back to work full time asap and see what support you can get from Universal Credit.

Her OH told her she's not allowed to go, not Mil.

Are you sure you’re not invited? Why do you even need an invite, she’s family, you just go surely?

OP - make a cold, hard plan. Start it now, tonight and stitch is so tight that you are safe and he has no way back. Start by telling someone you trust implicitly - make it real so that you hold yourself to account for it. Whilst he’s out one day, get the locks changed, have his things bagged and in a taxi to his mother’s house. Involve the police if needed. Do your research, own your plan and all the detail and get him gone. He is a waste of air and effort.