OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

Sounds to me that DH is still tied to his mother's apron strings. He'd prioritising his mother's wishes over yours. I would invite his mother to yours for Christmas dinner and if she doesn't want to come that's it- he can go on his own to hers but children stay with you. Your wishes as a mother are paramount. I speak from experience.

‘Freaks’ is spot in. Very, very peculiar people. (What a bizarro take on Christmas decorations, for one thing. A government diktat?!)

His family background, from everything OP has told us, just sounds completely out of sync with how any of us would expect to be treated, and as though this mistreatment were an essential part of their antiquated alien code.
I think she’d be wise to make damn sure he cannot gain access to the house over Christmas if she leaves it empty. If OP’s parents can’t come and stay with her (which might be a good idea) it’s crucial to at least make sure to have changed the locks and left the house secure against him (and any marauding cousin of his.)

I’d be worried that her deciding she’s had enough and kicked him out is not what these men expect from ‘their’ women, and there could be an instinct to teach her a lesson. Steps should be taken to guard the house and residents against this!

Solicitor and Women’s Aid visits are indicated for her, and without delay. Not to be left until the New Year.

You really do deserve better put your plans into place after getting legal advice. Then start your new life and explain to you kids why - don’t wait until after Christmas!

Definitely no! She is driving a wedge between you and your family and your husband is enabling it. You come as one… Xmas day with you or not at all! How dare your husband leave you alone! If my husband done that to me, it would have been his last! If it happens this year, then it will happen every year and your kids Christmas time is precious, if she wants to see them that much, suggest she gets off her arse and come visit!

I really do deserve so much better.

You said it better than any of us.

If you want him to leave and he does, make sure you change all your door locks. I hope things work out for you and your life gets happier.

Can he not do it on boxing day?

I imagine she's used to walking over and being demanding always to your husband and you don't even really count; be grateful she's not a foul mouthed harpy, my friend had one of those till she humiliated her own son in public expecting him to drive her to her holiday destination in another country, then come back when she felt ready to be collected and when it didn't happen that way she said he was out her will (big shrug)
So I say tell him NO
And not to bother boxing day either
She's been nasty, selfish lazy and getting totally away with it for far too long
So its nothing christmassy for her then as you're the one always doing everything
Let her stew in her own juice
Why, she then may even get off her sofa!

He & his family sound like complete freaks. I hope she gets the locks changed immediately after he's left. If he comes round on Xmas Day, she could leave him a mince pie on the front doorstep.

I would change the locks for your own safety.

Leave him. Well, make him leave. When he is out, change the locks and contact the police to warn them that he is being kicked out after a relationship breakdown and he won’t go quietly.
Find out what you’ll be able to receive as a single parent and start your applications for that.
You don’t need this man in your life. He isn’t a partner. He’s another person to shop for, Cook for and think about.
This year, tell him that he can collect the children on Boxing Day between 10-11 and have them back for bedtime. Go elsewhere on Christmas Eve/Day so you’re protected from him showing up.
Get rid. I don’t think you’ll ever look back.

As pp said you need to contact women's aid, they will help you, they can let you know what your rights are, it's your home. You will get some sort of benefits to help.
Also sign up for the freedom program online to make sure you don't fall under his spell again (he will love bomb you like in the beginning ) and that you don't stract another user like him.
Stand strong, not just for you but for your kids. Let your family know what's happening and friends so they can support you.

Its absolutely unreasonable to invite only part of a family on Christmas day. Youre all welcome or non of you are

Why would you do that?? Sign all the presents from you just because he wants to bring the kids to see his mother? Very strange response.
You are not being unreasonable to want to spend xmas day with your kids but thats just petty x

NO.... NOPE.... JUST NO !!!!!! What the AF is he thinking....

This is the best mumsnet post I have read in AGES! Reading OP we went from the strange MIL then to the partner and from what I’m hoping a break up. In all seriousness OP your not happy and by the sounds of your situation your in a great position in regard to the house. Finances can be sorted whether maintained for the children through CSA to ensure your getting correct payments and benefits. We hear of women trapped due to housing or finances but you sound free! When his next at the strange mothers, please pack his bags get the locks changed and have the best Xmas and new years EVER 2026 your year @snowhunny x

Why would he go on his own with the children? Why would he want to exclude you? This sounds totally weird. You are a family unit and as such you have every right to spend Christmas with the children. Are there other issues going on with dp? I see similarities with my ex and mil. Invite mil for Christmas and offer to collect her. She might not be the ideal guest if she does come, in all likelihood she won't. She can't then say she is all alone on Christmas Day and never sees the gc as the ball is in her court. Unfortunately, a lot of men cannot cut the apron strings and will put mummy dear ahead of nearest and dearest. Just get in the car with the family on Christmas Day if dp insists on going.
Whatever you do please don't get left home alone.

@snowhunny this mother goes away for Christmas and sees her daughter and grandchildren on a video call.
Outrageous behaviour from him. Perhaps, he should live with his mother.

Take it as free time… enjoy every second of being alone!!

if you need a MN poll to tell you how to run your own marriage then get a divorce as you are not a couple.

He would NOT be taking my children under any circumstances. Plan a fun evening with them. If he wants to go then he goes. She sounds weird! Boxing Day or any other day fine absolutely not on Christmas. It sounds shit for them too and weird if she won’t have any gifts for them. Why does he let this weirdo shitty behaviour carry on or is he weird too?

I hope for your sake and your children’s
Sake you’re able to leave x

OP, you need to contact police and Women's aid and get him Out of your home.

Do a CMS calculation.
Look at taking in a lodger if necessary.

But get this awful man out.

To be honest it would be a struggle without his money

Struggles can be worth it. And it may start out a struggle because you'll be used to having XX to spend, but often we find that we actually only need YY. Life may become less 'luxurious' but that doesn't mean it isn't actually better or happier.

He often gloats in telling me how his work mates often pay good money to the mothers of their children but then the women get "greedy" take the fathers to court and actually end up with less.

Scare tactic. After all, why would a woman take a man to court if he was paying the agreed upon amount regularly and without using that amount as 'leverage' to get something they want. Besides, often what a man thinks of as 'good money' isn't actually very 'good' at all!

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but if someone ends up with less it's usually because the man wasn't paying the agreed upon amount on a regular basis or the woman didn't do her research using the CMS calculator (or they didn't have a very good solicitor).

He says some men are paying £8 a week, I don't know if this is true but it does scare me as I can see him potentially doing this to me.

I think that amount is pretty much for someone who is on benefits or who is self employed and 'fiddles their books' to lie about their earnings. And yes, I can see him being a total shit. Which is why you need to sit down and 'do your finances'. Try to figure a budget that doesn't include anything from him. Cut everything you can to get down to just necessities. That doesn't mean you'll end up living on that, just that you'll know what the 'worst case scenario' is.

He says he will be gone by Monday, thanks goodness.

Is he there now or still at his mum's? If the latter, change the locks or the lock barrels.

He is adamant he will be coming here for his Xmas Day dinner, I will probably just end up going to my parents to be honest.

Going to your parents will probably be the easiest in case he decides to show up. Can you spend the night there?

But say NOTHING about Xmas dinner! He can think what he likes. The reality will be quite different, won't it? Remember that you do not have to give him entry into YOUR home. Again, change the locks the minute he's gone, call an emergency locksmith if you have to, it will be money well spent. Or if you or someone you know is 'DIY inclined' there are plenty of YouTube videos out there showing how to change lock barrels. Much cheaper. And FWIW it may be a good idea to install chains on your door(s). Or better yet, get a Ring doorbell.

Don't even bother to try to get the key back, let him think he'll be able to walk in and out as he chooses. He's arrogant and thinks 'what I want is the law', but we know different, don't we?

I know it sounds bad and awful (I have suffered years of constant disrespect and abuse from him) but I wouldn't even care if he passed away tomorrow.

It doesn't. It sounds like someone who's simply reached the end of their tether and just wants it to stop.

And I get what you say about what 'family' is. We've always welcomed anyone as family. And at Xmas, that 'family' includes anyone and everyone who shows up!

You'll get through this and you'll be fine once you're out the other side. For now, just grit your teeth. As Churchill said "When you're going through hell, just keep going!".