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AIBU?

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Original poster

OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

389 replies

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:14

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

OP posts:
DeftGoldHedgehog · 30/11/2025 02:14

I never buy presents for DH's family, why would you? Sounds like you have a DH problem to me.

Needspaceforlego · 30/11/2025 01:30

SpetacularlyLost · 30/11/2025 01:12

Maybe reach a compromise and agree a time limit? Like an hour max then bring them back?

Time limit - read the thread or at least Ops put dates - he can france off to his mothers permantly!

Cazmaz28 · 30/11/2025 01:23

A big fat no
he’s disrespecting you with his mother
and he’s teaching your kids it’s ok to do that too .
yiu should not miss out on time with your kids bec of this

suggest he has a seperate Christmas with his mother if that’s what he wants but to me even that’s direspectful .. what’s that saying as a man do not eat at the table of anyone who disrespects your partner . The problem you have is not with your mother in law it’s with your husbands loyalty and boundaries

SpetacularlyLost · 30/11/2025 01:12

Maybe reach a compromise and agree a time limit? Like an hour max then bring them back?

Endorewitch · 30/11/2025 01:01

He goes if he is desperate to see his mother. Will she be alone ?
But not the children.

Bobloblawww · 30/11/2025 00:02

I would put some music on, pour a glass of wine and put my feet up.

Nearly50omg · 30/11/2025 00:00

Change the locks and get doorbell video or cctv and DONT let him into YOUR house again!!! Contact universal credit as you can claim for all help!!!! Also the council to get reduced council tax and housing help - they will still help even if you own your house

WeAreNotOk · 29/11/2025 23:50

This has to be your 'hill to die on' moment OP, to protect your DC's happiness.

Laurmolonlabe · 29/11/2025 23:45

I would insist they don't go until Boxing Day, there is no reason for them to see her on Christmas day, just because she wants that, you don't have a relationship and children in order to entertain your MIL- I would have also refused to take each new child to her- if she wishes to meet them, she can come to you.
i hate to tell you but your problem is really with OH not his mother- he clearly just wants to give her whatever she wants, he needs to value you, your contribution more and cut the cord with his mother. You need to put your foot down.

CoraLea · 29/11/2025 23:30

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 16:12

I wouldn't say I choose to do it as if it wasn't for me nothing would get done as he is so lazy.

Now he has just sprung it on me that he wants his cousin and kids (similar age to DC) come after dinner.

Again it will be who is expected to do the hosting/ making food, cleaning up after whilst he sits and relaxes.

You need to search for 'I am Sherlock' on threads and start looking at walls.

ThatMellowLemonLurker · 29/11/2025 23:15

Literally why are you putting up with this idiot? I'm so angry on your behalf. It's literally dick heads like this that make glad I'm single and no longer put up with this shit anymore. Get out.

Puffin69 · 29/11/2025 23:07

He cleans up before he goes and gets the kuds ready for hed when he gets home. Y9u have a well deserved nap and eat chocolates and he wakes you in time to present you all with supper before he puts the kids to bed - sounds great. But if he is planning to walk out with the kids leaving you the mess to clean up then arrive back with tired overstimulated kids for you to deal with the hell no.

Needspaceforlego · 29/11/2025 22:41

@snowhunny Do your family know you are wanting him out?
I think you should speak to them. You need all the support you can get.

suburberphobe · 29/11/2025 21:56

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

Just tell him he can do Boxing Day only.

Do NOT be intimidated by him.

You and your kids have a right to your own life without his interference.

2Old2BABPpresenter · 29/11/2025 21:50

snowhunny · 29/11/2025 00:46

@AcrossthePond55 - thank you for your advice.
To be honest it would be a struggle without his money.
He often gloats in telling me how his work mates often pay good money to the mothers of their children but then the women get "greedy" take the fathers to court and actually end up with less.
He says some men are paying £8 a week, I don't know if this is true but it does scare me as I can see him potentially doing this to me.

As I own the house I'm not sure if I would be entitled to any benefits?
I will have a look tomorrow.

In my family we welcome the partners of our siblings/cousins with welcome arms.

None of this "oh that's my aunt as she is blood related but her husband is not my uncle as he isn't a blood relation".
I have never come across anyone who talks/feels like that until I met him.

@BrokenWingsCantFly
Yes I think it's gone way to far for any happy ending here.
I literally dread the man coming near me, he is just a constant bad aura around me.
He is always moaning or complaining about something I have done wrong, we literally cannot stand each other.
I know it sounds bad and awful (I have suffered years of constant disrespect and abuse from him) but I wouldn't even care if he passed away tomorrow. He brings nothing positive or nice to my life, just misery and abuse.

He says he will be gone by Monday, thanks goodness.
He is adamant he will be coming here for his Xmas Day dinner, I will probably just end up going to my parents to be honest.

Please don’t let the money side hold you back, do the online benefits calculator checks. I held back for a long time and now I am independent (share custody) but happy, healing, studying again and looking at university. He is unemployed and being kept by his partner. It will get better and you can do this 💚

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/11/2025 21:47

Well obviously this doesn’t happen. He doesn’t get to dictate that it will.

Hopingtobeaparent · 29/11/2025 21:43

@snowhunny

Well done on calling it a day. It sounds like you won’t regret it. Obviously there’s a bumpy road ahead while you sort your ducks, but it sounds like it’ll be a better life!!

All the best!

Skybluepinky · 29/11/2025 21:39

Let him go by himself.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 29/11/2025 21:33

Millytante · 29/11/2025 19:57

‘Freaks’ is spot in. Very, very peculiar people. (What a bizarro take on Christmas decorations, for one thing. A government diktat?!)

His family background, from everything OP has told us, just sounds completely out of sync with how any of us would expect to be treated, and as though this mistreatment were an essential part of their antiquated alien code.
I think she’d be wise to make damn sure he cannot gain access to the house over Christmas if she leaves it empty. If OP’s parents can’t come and stay with her (which might be a good idea) it’s crucial to at least make sure to have changed the locks and left the house secure against him (and any marauding cousin of his.)

I’d be worried that her deciding she’s had enough and kicked him out is not what these men expect from ‘their’ women, and there could be an instinct to teach her a lesson. Steps should be taken to guard the house and residents against this!

Solicitor and Women’s Aid visits are indicated for her, and without delay. Not to be left until the New Year.

Show quote history

I came here to suggest @snowhunny that you contact women's aid.
If you feel threatened by him when he raises his voice, I feel that you need a plan if the worst came to the worst and they will help you.
They helped my friend get her ex out but she went to safety with her DC first on their command.
Definitely change the locks as soon as possible.
Good luck x

Needspaceforlego · 29/11/2025 21:20

@snowhunny I think you need some support on this. I think you should get intouch with Womans Aid asap.

relaxandfocus · 29/11/2025 21:07

Think OH is being very selfish and thoughtless. So you go to the effort to do everything and OH ups and leaves straight after dinner leaving you to do the clean up. Tell OH you prefer they go on Boxing Day as you would like to spend Xmas day with your kids. Good luck OP

fatphalange · 29/11/2025 21:04

snowhunny · 29/11/2025 19:16

Thanks everyone, I feel a lot better today knowing that I am not going mad or being petty as he says.

So he came to take DC to the dentist today and as I was putting the Xmas tree up and again he had an issue with this for some strange reason?

He was and is raised as a Christian and even has a tattoo of a cross on his arm (alongside a gold cross necklace) but yet neither him or his mum agree with putting Xmas tree's up or exchanging gifts (told me this today) as "it's just a day the government tell us too and I'm not doing that".

I literally cannot wait until the kids turn 18, hopefully I won't ever have to see him again.

I hate that I have to rely on him for things such as him taking DC to the dentist as I don't have a car at the moment.
I am really going to sort myself out so I don't have to rely on him for anything.

I was talking to my friend today who knows what is going on and she said that basically all these years he has had open access to me whilst he has excluded me from all parts of his life and that's true.

Even before DC he would socialise on his own and I was always excluded from his friendship group.

I really do deserve so much better.

Edited

So he and his mother think that Christmas is foisted on us by the government yet it’s his mum’s dream to see your kids on Christmas Day and he also wants a Christmas dinner? 😂 I assume he’s always been this way but now you’ve seen the light every single thing he says must make you feel like banging your head against the wall!
On a practical level, you don’t need him because you don’t have a car. I didn’t drive for years and as a single mother, never struggled with getting from a) to b) on public transport and Uber. You really, really don’t need this man for anything.

HappyTalkingAndLaughing · 29/11/2025 20:52

Once he is gone, get the locks changed.

Contact CMS

Put claim in for Universal Credit.

Claim single person council tax

Remove his name from any bills

Change your Will if anything was being left to hin

Change your NOK contacts for GP, work etc

Check who is your private pension beneficiary is

PosterPoser · 29/11/2025 20:35

OP can I ask if this is an interracial marriage? It comes across as maybe he is of a different culture to you and is using that against you almost. I'm guessing you are European and he isnt? Of course I could be completely wrong and it's not excuse either way but something seems a bit weird in his behaviour.

Rkin33 · 29/11/2025 20:14

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:22

And DC don't even like going there.

He is only really doing it for his own reasons like saying "It's every mothers dream to see her grand kids on Xmas Day."

The kids will open their presents and be happy and then be dragged into the car and will probably cry and they go to his mum's for them just to be sat their listening to them talk.

Edited

That's true but she's not their mother. She's their grandmother and doesn't get to indulge her dreams by depriving you of yours.