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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

389 replies

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:14

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/11/2025 13:50

Xmas day - no. You are spending Xmas with your kids. His options are either -

  • visit her on boxing day
  • you all go to hers Xmas day
  • she pops over to yours Xmas you

It sounds like there are wider issues in your marriage though if he is happy with you making all the effort, and didn't even think about factoring you into the one Xmas day plan that he did make

Switzerland1122 · 28/11/2025 13:48

The answer is a big fat NO!

Unbelievable!

TheatricalLife · 28/11/2025 13:47

Absolutely not. Especially with your follow up post about upsetting the kids and ruining their day. This is one hill I'd be prepared to die on.

Autumn38 · 28/11/2025 13:47

I’m a bit confused OP. When you say you aren’t invited- who are you not invited by?? It sounds like it’s not your MIL who has asked to see anyone so is it your DH saying you can’t go?

Is he really insisting you can’t go?

Jasmin71 · 28/11/2025 13:46

He is v v unreasonable. Just tell him no!

Bambamhoohoo · 28/11/2025 13:45

It doesn’t sound like he’s going to accept these “hard nos”?!?

OP this is awful. I think realistically you might actually have to swallow this and seeth forever (assuming it’s not something that triggers a divorce)

Createausername1970 · 28/11/2025 13:44

There are two things going on here.

First is that it is not reasonable for OH to take the kids to his family and leave you at home on your own.

But the other issue you mention, you do all the work and planning so the presents will only come from you, makes it sound like there is far more going on here than a random tiff between an otherwise happy couple about Christmas day.

I did most of the planning and present buying but it would have never entered my head not to put " from mummy and daddy" on the tag.

So I guess this is the tip of the iceberg.

Original poster
snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:43

I think when I told him I won't be buying anymore Xmas presents for his mum from the kids he got funny.

None of his family apart from his cousin help and it's all very one sided.

During my last pregnancy I had a horrific birth, Sepsis, PPH etc and she couldn't even be bothered to see me or DC in hospital or offer to help despite living minutes away.

She still expected us to bring the baby to see her after all of this, she is just a selfish, cold and weird woman.

OP posts:
Frugalgal · 28/11/2025 13:42

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:14

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

Absolutely no way! Hardest of no.
Why aren't you invited? You do all the work then get left home alone? Not a chance.

SeaAndStars · 28/11/2025 13:41

I can't imagine a world in which he would leave you alone on Christmas day and not even invite you. Why aren't you invited?

TwooooDoooozenRoses · 28/11/2025 13:41

Right… no would be my answer. I can’t imagine being married to someone so disloyal and thoughtless tbh. He can go by himself the silly twit.

CherryBakewell95 · 28/11/2025 13:39

Just say no. You also get a say of where your own children spend Christmas Day. If he wants to go, let him go alone.

helpfulperson · 28/11/2025 13:39

I think there is a bit more behind why you aren't invited. Do you normally go with them when they visit?

Stompythedinosaur · 28/11/2025 13:39

I cannot even fathom what he's thinking, to consider leaving you on Christmas day.

It's a hard no.

YodasHairyButt · 28/11/2025 13:39

Hard no. He goes alone or does Boxing Day instead. What the hell is he thinking?!

Original poster
snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:37

I don't think she has an illness or anything like that but his grandfather passed away this year and wants the kids to see their own grandparents more.

OH has just invited himself to bring the kids round to MIL's after dinner.

She never invites him round, he will have to always call her to arrange going round.

OP posts:
ContinuewithGoogle · 28/11/2025 13:36

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:22

And DC don't even like going there.

He is only really doing it for his own reasons like saying "It's every mothers dream to see her grand kids on Xmas Day."

The kids will open their presents and be happy and then be dragged into the car and will probably cry and they go to his mum's for them just to be sat their listening to them talk.

Edited

it's every mother's dream to spend Christmas with her own kids!

his MIL had her turn, she can spend it with HIM, but mother takes priority here.
What a dick, and I don't say that often.

2025VibeandThrive · 28/11/2025 13:36

I also don’t understand why you are not invited? Just tell him to go alone if it’s important to him.

ElsieMc · 28/11/2025 13:35

My dh did this many years ago. I only didnt make a fuss because I didnt want to upset the dc's Christmas. I inwardly fumed but was conditioned never to make a fuss. He never did it again and I gifted myself the present of never seeing them again.

CandiedPrincess · 28/11/2025 13:35

I'd tell him he was free to go but the kids won't be going.

FriedFalafels · 28/11/2025 13:35

This would be a hard no from me. My daughter isn’t going anywhere on Christmas Day if I’m not invited

If you were invited and have chosen not to go, then I’d say fair enough but it doesn’t sound that this is the case

TheSandgroper · 28/11/2025 13:35

Yeah, fuck no. You get your Christmas with your children.

He can go to his mum’s all he likes once he has the washing up done.

ShinyWorthKeeping · 28/11/2025 13:32

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:22

And DC don't even like going there.

He is only really doing it for his own reasons like saying "It's every mothers dream to see her grand kids on Xmas Day."

The kids will open their presents and be happy and then be dragged into the car and will probably cry and they go to his mum's for them just to be sat their listening to them talk.

Edited

Why aren't you invited?

I'd send him off and keep the kids at home, its yours and their Christmas too and this is what will make you and them happy.

You can tell him its every mother's dream to see their own kids on Christmas day 🙄 and then he can answer why his mothers "dreams" trump yours!

StruggleFlourish · 28/11/2025 13:31

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:22

And DC don't even like going there.

He is only really doing it for his own reasons like saying "It's every mothers dream to see her grand kids on Xmas Day."

The kids will open their presents and be happy and then be dragged into the car and will probably cry and they go to his mum's for them just to be sat their listening to them talk.

Edited

This sounds like a great way to train the kids go say " I don't want to go to Grandma's!!!"
By chance is MIL recently diagnosed with an illness you don't know about?
Like this might be her last Christmas or close to it?
"It's every Grandma's dream to have their grandchildren for Christmas" your husband says.

You say that she is lazy and absolutely never reciprocates any gifts that you send to her and does not send any gifts to the grandchildren, do you think that you'll have gifts for the grandchildren when they arrive?
Not that it matters, I'm sure that you will provide for them well at home but again this circles back to my first comment of,

If husband doesn't really want to go and you're not invited and not going and the kids don't have a great relationship with the grandmother and the grandmother doesn't buy presents, and the kids have just been taken Christmas morning from opening presents and having a great time at home to having to travel over to Grandma's while dad and grandma talk and they just sit there doing nothing...
Sounds like a great way to train the kids into never wanted to go to Grandma's house

ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy · 28/11/2025 13:30

I totally agree with you that it’s not very fair or nice. But on the other hand, if I was in your position, I think I would be looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet, and the chance to put my feet up after all the shopping, wrapping and cooking. And also it’s a win that no-one is expecting you to spend time with a woman you (mutually) dislike. Obviously your DH needs to tidy up the kitchen and put the dishwasher on before they head out.