OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

I had a similar situation with regards to mother's day. I was calm but clear that his mother's rights as a grandmother didn't trump mine as the actual mother. To be fair my DH listened and agreed. My MIL then accused me of keeping her granddaughter away from her. Don't know if your DH is in a similar situation Op but mine was bought up in a terrible home environment and had no idea some of his childhood experiences were as bad as they were. He's now nc with his mother.

I'm sure she's not really going to only sign her kids' presents from herself - but can you not even see the temptation she has? Doing all the buying, the arranging, the wrapping, the decorating, the cooking, the clearing away only for her husband to swoop in and take the kids she's done so much for to his mum's leaving her alone on Xmas day after he's had a jolly good time?

I'd like to think if she told her husband that no, it is not acceptable, he won't just physically pick up their children and march them to the car. No one would suggest OP should drag their children back inside because in normal households it would never get to this?

It's a perfectly 'realistic plan' for OP to tell her husband that his whole suggestion is completely awful for all the reasons everyone else has mentioned. She does not have to shut up and put up.

This it’s a no.

Why are you not invited?

It may be grandma's dream, most certainly won't be the kids. Christmas is about children isn't it?

And, you not being invited, rude! Can't entertain that kind of stuff and hubby is being unreasonable.

Sorry your not invited?? Is your husband okay?? Tell him he can spend the whole damn day with his mother but the kids arent going.

So he will enjoy watching the dc opening the presents that you have bought. He will enjoy the Christmas lunch you have spent hours preparing. Then he will piss off to his mum’s with the dc leaving you alone. No chance! And please don’t say he will leave you to do all the clearing and washing up.

Ask him to take them for a visit when it's all over so you can have a nice rest and some you time after all the work you have done x

Okay, wow…stop. Back up. Why are you not invited?

This- he won’t care less what a load of strangers think. He doesn’t even care what the woman he lives with thinks

Your husband is an absolute piece of shit to think this is a reasonable thing to do. It’s one of the most unreasonable things I’ve ever seen on here. Of course a mother should be with her kids on Christmas Day rather than a grandmother! This would absolutely ruin Christmas for you, and probably for the kids too.

Show him this thread OP.

I would think closely about how much of these traits your Husband also has!

I absolutely would not be allowing this, I would however use it to your advantage and suggest he goes on xmas eve or 23rd to give you a couple of hours to get things done or enjoy a hot bath/chill in peace before the big day

How are you going to stop him taking them?

It's completely unfair that you do all the work for Christmas, the buying of the gifts, the preparation and cooking of Christmas dinner and he then gets to take the children away for an afternoon with his mum. You should tell him that he can go but the kids stay with you.

Put your foot down. The kids won't even enjoy it so it is much better than they stay with you where they can play with their new presents.

This for me. The “buying mum present” and “presents just from mummmy” is objectively weird. Because why would he care? You’re not punishing him, you’re confusing your kids and ultimately, who cares what a tag says, it’s not even important. They know the presents are from both of you.

i wonder if you think this responsibility you have for getting Xmas presents has become you’re only lever to control his behaviour? But it’s not really a lever and risks you looking strange and bitter.

but also, you can’t stop him taking them so the “it’s a no” is nonsense. If he just tells them to get in the car Xmas day what will you do, drag them back out?

you need a realistic plan, which only seems to be- go along, or stay at home and enjoy yourself

I’m really surprised that he’s even suggesting this! But I’m going to suggest you let him take them! Let him see for himself how awful it it. You could have a lovely time after all that work watching a film eating mince pies.

@snowhunny The issue isn't even him going and you being alone. It's that this is your husband and it even entered his mind to do this!

Does he treat you this badly in all aspects of your life together? Because I have to say there are red flags all over the place!

Why are you with such a man?
Tell him absolutely not.
You children are going nowhere on Christmas day.
If he wants to break up over this, tell him to crack on.

I am constantly surprised at the bullshit women tolerate on MN from waster men.

Why aren’t you invited? You said MIL didn’t even invite your OH so is it him that’s saying you’re not invited? How old are the children?

Hahaha. No. He’s taking the piss and so is she. Why do you get to do the donkey work for Christmas but not the fun stuff? If she wants to lazy, selfish and thoughtless then let her get on with it and don’t feed into it. It’s a very unreasonable thing to want to do

Why do you think you can’t go then?

Absolutely not, just no way. I can't believe he's even suggesting it tbh.

Problem is, her behaviour is normal to him because he grew up with it so even though he can probably see you are upset/annoyed it’ll feel like an overreaction to what he has been conditioned to think is a normal question.
DH really struggles to see the issue with any of the batshittery perpetrated by his immediate family, despite the fact that if it was happening to friends of ours he would immediately call it out (I have tested this!)
FWIW I would also hate it and give a hard no, wrapped up in telling him that you appreciate it might seem reasonable because that’s how he was brought up but it really, really isn’t!