OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

Yeah, maybe, if he had helped do ANY part of Christmas and he asked me if I would like that, and if I didn't want to be left alone on Xmas day, I would be warmly welcomed to his mother's. That's not really the situation though...

I wouldn't allow it, simple as that.

Why are you responsible for buying presents for his mum ? @snowhunny

I still don’t understand why you aren’t invited.

You say your OH invited himself and the children. Why didn’t he ask for you too?
Or did MIL tell him that you couldn’t come.
Who is it exactly, that has excluded you. MIL or OH ? And why?

Your MIL is, as you say, a weird and cold hearted woman. But your OH obviously doesn’t want to disregard her on Christmas Day. I think it’s good of him to give an hour or so after lunch on Christmas Day to her (even if she doesn’t give presents) especially if she lives very close by, but only if you all present together as a united family.
Leaving you out is not on. Expecting the children to leave you behind, isn’t on either. It would surely make them very sad.

if you all go, you could frame it as the children wanting to pop round for an hour to show her a couple of their presents.
If your OH wants to give her a gift that’s for him to decide, not you.

If it’s MIL that has excluded you, then I would expect him to go when he can fit her in if he wants to, but certainly not to take the children away from you on Christmas Day if she won’t let you in !

Maybe mil has agraphobia or something very similar, and if they are still together ( which I think they are ) he’s only got one mother and once she’s gone , shes gone

How long was he planning on stay there? If he is doing presents then dinner at your house, helps clears away then takes the kids over to his Mum for a couple of hours to say hi, I don’t think it’s a massive issue.
Your MIL does sound very odd and I wouldn’t be buying her presents either but she is his Mum at the end of the day and I’m know I’m at risk of being blasted by MN your children are his children too so he should get a say in the day.
If my DH said to me he was taking our rabble over to his mums for a couple of hours on Christmas Day, I would be flumping on the sofa, glass of wine and chocolates and enjoying the peace and quiet before they all returned for a picky tea (which is IMO the best part of Christmas Day 😂)

That sounds like bliss to me. All the joy of Christmas morning and dinner and then peace and quite for a few hours.

Why are you not invited?
Why bother going there if she does not buy the kids gifts? i could understand if they were going to have their presents but if she does not buy thats rubbish

I don’t think it’s pathetic or bitter. She just doesn’t want to be treated like the general dogsbody which is fair enough especially at Christmas

So weird. Who doesn’t visit a baby after the birth but rather expects you to come to them?

Absolutely not. Tell them he can bring them Boxing Day. You won’t support this plan. You will tell the kids they can stay home if they want to.

@snowhunny

"OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.
I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.
OH has just invited himself to bring the kids round to MIL's after dinner."

So your OH has said "I'm taking the DC to my mum's after dinner. You can't come."? That's just weird. You say that you get on with her OK, why would he exclude you?

I don't know why, but I feel there may be more to this than meets the eye. Not that you've done anything 'wrong', just that there's some missing piece to this puzzle.

No way, not even Boxing Day. 27th-30th are reserved for visits to shit uninterested relatives imo, if you really can’t get out of it entirely.

Boxing Day would be a more reasonable idea IMO.

Your OH sounds pretty selfish, cold and weird too, tbh.

Id enjoy the peace and quiet. Time to watch my TV and eat Xmas chocs.

Why arent you invited? Come one there has to be a reason.

Any they arent your kids alone, your DH can take them if he wants to.

Tell him to get fucked.

I don’t see that he would accept her saying no and forget about it. If he was that sort of person this situation would’ve been easily dealt with, and OP wouldn’t be posting.

I would be FURIOUS.

Tell him no.

Also why aren’t you invited too?

It would be a NO from me

Exactly….even his going there alone strikes me as perfectly outrageous, when he has young children to be jolly with at home .
Spend the day with your own little family, you idiotic man.

I really do wonder how about 75% of the husbands and the fathers mentioned on MN ever got as far as dating a living woman, let alone impregnating one.

Why aren't you invited? You've been asked a few times and it might help us help you

Well your 'OH' clearly doesn't give a shit about you, does he?

Why are you doing all the shopping, decorating and cooking??

I enjoy doing the shopping, but DH always helps with the decorating, the wrapping and he's cooked Christmas dinner every year for 25 years and then I doing washing up/wiping down.

It's a team effort and he's clearly not part of your team.

FUCKING NO NO NO! 😠 😡 😤

Your kids will want to spent their Christmas with THEIR OWN MOTHER. Not get dragged along to see an old bint who doesn't make an effort. FFS 🙄

If I were you, I would match her efforts. 💯
If she makes zero effort to see you and remains cold and distant towards you, then you repay in kind. 👎
Put boundaries down ASAP. 🙅‍♀️

If he wants to go and see his mother on Xmas day, he can go, ALONE.
He can go and have his dinner there ALONE.
He can buy HER gift HIMSELF.
He can buy a gift for her, from the grandkids HIMSELF and sign the card HIMSELF.

Put your foot down, and nip it in the bud now.!
Otherwise it will start a yearly tradition of oh poor old dear is on her own and the kids always see her on xmas bollocks. 🤢