OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

What do you get out of this relationship? He sounds absolutely awful. He leaves all the work of Christmas to you and then bangs on about 'family' being important. You are his family and he is horrible to you.

I wouldn't bother buying him any gifts or giving him any Christmas dinner. Just refuse to let him take your kids, unless he is violent and you are scared of him.

You don't have a MIL problem.
You have a HUSBAND PROBLEM.
😠 😡 😤

It's a big... fuck off NO!

I really do wonder how about 75% of the husbands and the fathers mentioned on MN ever got as far as dating a living woman, let alone impregnating one.

@Millytante yes, its a mystery!

@snowhunny The thing is.
I do everything on Xmas Day.
Cooking, cleaning, getting the kids ready.
He thinks he is doing his bit by playing with the kids,
He dosent even help wash up, it's all me.

You have got bigger problems than a cold selfish Mil; a very selfish entitled husband. Why do you put up with it? In general I mean, I understand you want the children to have a nice christmas.

I would def say that he can go xmas day but not with the children. He can bring them boxing day.

Why won't you explain wth is going on between you and your partner?

Have you had a row?

Its obvious youre feeling very resentful (not unreasonable given what you've described) but what's that got to do with you not being invited?

Why don't you want them to visit their great nan in a care home, and what's that got to do with anything? If any one is at risk from germs it's the old people at risk from the kids bringing in their school germs.

This is all so weird.

So it's almost like excluding you makes it a 'revenge visit' because you won't buy gifts for her from the DC? How childish of him! If he wants her to have gifts from the DC, he can buy them himself.

As far as the visit, you say it's 'after dinner'. In my family that would be around 3-4pm. My DC would have had plenty of time to play with their new things as gift opening 'back in the day' was usually around 6 am! So I guess even if he were being childish I'd probably just roll my eyes and mutter 'whatever' under my breath. But I would stick to my guns about him being responsible from now on for MiL's gifts.

Personally, after the hubbub of the day, I'd probably put away the leftovers and stack the dishes, then pour myself a glass of wine and put my feet up. When he got back I'd hold up a dish-rag and a towel and say "Do you want to wash, or dry?".

If that doesn't work for you, I'd run and jump into the car and say "Shall we be off then?".

Come on OP please don’t say you’re going to allow this shit to happen?? You tell him fuck no particularly as he does sod all and that you will not have 1/2 a Xmas day with YOUR children and the order members of the family can make do with one of the other 364 days of the year. Do not let this happen. And in the new year have a look at why you let him get away with doing fuck all and also if he’s worth staying with? He sounds like a a useless fucker to me?!

My mum had a very hard life ( she’s passed now ) and we never really knew till her eulogy. Didn’t like boys it turned out every boy she carried she miscarried, since then we have discovered mums and dad’s blood faught against each other. But there’s other reasons as well i dont think this is the place to go into it .

Absolutely not, either you all go or no-one goes.

I'd then just go ahead and stop them from seeing these family who it sounds as if they mostly don't know anyway.

Why care what MIL and co. think?

It would be a very hard NO from me.

My young children would not be going there on Christmas Day, especially if I was so pointedly excluded like this.

Neither you nor the children actually want to go anyway because of the behaviour of his mother so I'd be telling him that he can visit her alone if he wants, but nobody else will be going with him.

How bloody rude of him. It would be a firm no from me if my DH was ever stupid enough to suggest this. If she wants to see your children on Xmas day, she can invite your whole family (which obviously includes you).

Sounds ideal tbh. You get to share the best bits of Xmas together and then after dinner when everyone is bored and restless they can disappear leaving you to some peace and quiet.

I would say no to that and remind the children that they do not have to go if they don't want to. If he wants to arrange something for boxing day the he can provided the kids want to go.

Well from what I'm gathering from OPs subsequent posts is that her SO has invited himself and the kids to MILs and left OP out. Which is actually worse than if it was the MIL leaving her out.

Being excluded like this would seriously piss me off and you shouldn’t need an invite you’re close family.

You are definitely NBU

Have you had a massive row?

Why would he not invite you? Can he not understand that it's hurtful?

Is he always this weird?

Did she specifically say you weren’t invited?

Why do you do it all?

This has clearly been the pattern for a while and in relation to multiple children. Why haven’t you changed it before now?

Absolutely not. What is he thinking? Does he not like you? This is shocking on several levels.

Not a chance I would be missing one minute with my children on Christmas Day.

he can go and visit her himself.

I'm confused. Is the father your partner are you a couple?

That’s what I was thinking, partner hasn’t been invited? Maybe the MIL has started having dementia symptoms and doesn’t realise he has a partner