OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

We used to go and visit family1 when I was younger on Christmas Day and we would go and take our children to visit family but we did it as a family and no one was excluded and we were all happy doing it.

Op chooses to do all of that though and he doesn’t have to ask OPs permission to take his children out assuming they have joint parental responsibility.
It also sounds like it’s her DP that doesn’t really want her to go around because OP has decided not to give her MIL a gift etc which is totally understandable, I match effort and energy with both sides of our family and wouldn’t be giving her presents either.
If OP doesn’t want to be the dogsbody for Christmas then she simply needs to stop doing it all. My kids don’t care if I spend hours over a roast or if we have nibbles for the main event. What they do care about is playing board games, lounging in jammies etc It’s one day of the year and people put far too much pressure on themselves.

Just separate you obviously dislike your husband.

Given your update it sound like it's going to be 'tense' at home. A few hours out visiting Grandma might be a little lite relief for the kids.

OP said in her update at 14.52 that it’s her husband who won’t invite her due to the fact that she’s refusing to buy MIL Christmas presents this year:

I felt it was a very one sided effort so I told OH from now on I will be only buying presents for the kids and he has taken offence hence why he dosent want me going to MIL (not that I would want to go anyway).

You are not being unreasonable to not want him to take the kids to see his mum on Christmas day given what you have said. Offering them to go boxing day is fair. You husband is being ridiculous not inviting you and being shitty not contributing. I think you have bigger problems here.

However you are being unreasonable to say you don't want your kids to visit their great grandma in a care home. I used to take my son to see my mum (his grandma) in the care home on Chrismas day. It does children good to see old people and be around them. We used to take toys and enjoyed showing them off to the residents! It was our normal.

Wow op, how did even say, ' your not invited ' bloody hell how heartless to even say that, but if he had invited you ' as a family unit ' its still a no thinks its our family day, arrange another time thanks

How odd. Utterly bizarre

None of them are invited. The DH has decided he’s going to visit his mother but as OP doesn’t like her (rightly so), she doesn’t want to go.
I don’t see why you would visit, either, OP, but this isn’t the big deal some are blowing it up to be. He can take them for an hour in the evening can’t he? Or on Boxing Day? It’s your call ultimately but it’s acceptable and normal to drop in on family over Xmas. It just so happens that your MIL is weird and unpleasant so you’ll sit it out.

You both sound like bloody children, tbh. This sounds like an ongoing and rapidly escalating tit for tat situation.

Sit down and have an honest conversation with each other about your needs and wants and stop using the kids like pawns.

Or start thinking about separating.

I'm sending dh and kids to visit fil on Christmas day. Now wondering if I'm unreasonable!
Was planning to stay home eating cheese and drinking wine.

so... why are you doing everything? stop that.

And they go on Boxing Day or you make A Big Fuss.

He isn’t interested in what OP thinks about whether it’s happening. He’s doing it anyway

Yeah that’s a hard fuck no. How dare he even bring it up!

So if he's invited himself I take it it's him saying you're not invited? Stop sounding so passive and tell him it's not happening

Honestly, your OH sounds as nuts as his bloody mother.

Why are people - including OP - slagging the MIL off? It's DH who hasn't invited her (I think)!

"OH has just invited himself to bring the kids round to MIL's after dinner. She never invites him round"

Actually if I had a son it wouldn't occur to me that I'd have to invite them round

We used to do the relative tour every year and yes, if you live nearby it’s not unreasonable to pop in and see family.

its bizarre that he’s so concerned about who buys a few presents. That’s nothing

maybe 2026 is the year of the separation OP?

”normal people” don’t exclude the kids mum!

Have you meant to post here? Sounds like you’re struggling, sorry to read your mums story May help to start a different thread?

Btw Op- don’t bother “doing everything” for Xmas. Get the presents you want to give, wrap them and book a pub for Xmas dinner. There is no need to have a big day if you resent doing it.

But again, how is she going to stop it
its now clear that it’s not MIL who didn’t invite OP, it’s her partner who doesn’t want her to come.

he’s taking the kids- they’re his kids and he is allowed to do this. It’s mean and cruel but how does OP stop him taking them?

youre blaming her for “allowing this shit to happen” but how does she stop it?!