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AIBU?

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Original poster

OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

389 replies

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:14

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

OP posts:
Linenpickle · 28/11/2025 17:20

Do yourself a favour and kick him out! He’s a bastard!

StartingFreshFor2026 · 28/11/2025 17:14

lessglittermoremud · 28/11/2025 16:01

Op chooses to do all of that though and he doesn’t have to ask OPs permission to take his children out assuming they have joint parental responsibility.
It also sounds like it’s her DP that doesn’t really want her to go around because OP has decided not to give her MIL a gift etc which is totally understandable, I match effort and energy with both sides of our family and wouldn’t be giving her presents either.
If OP doesn’t want to be the dogsbody for Christmas then she simply needs to stop doing it all. My kids don’t care if I spend hours over a roast or if we have nibbles for the main event. What they do care about is playing board games, lounging in jammies etc It’s one day of the year and people put far too much pressure on themselves.

Show quote history

Most kids would really, really care if there were no wrapped presents and a special lunch for dinner. The whole 'just don't do it' argument falls down with mothers because most don't want their children to suffer.

Andepeda · 28/11/2025 17:11

Are you married OP? You're calling him OH, not DH.

I really hope you're not if it's your house.

Coconutter24 · 28/11/2025 17:03

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 14:52

Basically it was one of the DC's birthday a few weeks ago.

He took the DC round to see MIL and when they got back I had noticed that she hadn't bought DC any birthday presents/card.
She has never bothered with their birthdays or Xmas's.
OH insists on taking DC round.

Prior to this I would always ensure that I gave MIL a birthday/Xmas present from the kids.

I felt it was a very one sided effort so I told OH from now on I will be only buying presents for the kids and he has taken offence hence why he dosent want me going to MIL (not that I would want to go anyway).

Edited

It’s his mum, if he’s so upset with her not receiving a gift then what is stopping him from doing the Christmas shopping to make sure she has a gift? Why did it fall to you to do?

RightSheSaid · 28/11/2025 17:03

Why don't you divorce him @snowhunny . He sounds like a lazy, selfish, dickhead. Let him take the kids to his mums on his days.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/11/2025 16:57

Just get rid of him op, what is the actual point of him really?

TheAutumnCrow · 28/11/2025 16:55

RealEagle · 28/11/2025 16:54

Tell him to fuck off with his weirdo family .You don’t have to put up with this shit.

Yeah, this.

TheFinePrintess · 28/11/2025 16:55

Give yourself the best Christmas pressie OP - start making plans to get this horrible little man and his weirdo family out of your life

RealEagle · 28/11/2025 16:54

Tell him to fuck off with his weirdo family .You don’t have to put up with this shit.

ApolloandDaphne · 28/11/2025 16:50

What a horrible man.

LifeSurvior · 28/11/2025 16:49

I would have been thrilled with this scenario when mine were little. A whole evening to relax, watch a film, read, eat chocolate and have a few hours kid and Husband free after a hectic Xmas day!
Can you not just reframe it as a bit of well deserved me time and cheerfully wave them off for a bit?

LAMPS1 · 28/11/2025 16:47

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 14:52

Basically it was one of the DC's birthday a few weeks ago.

He took the DC round to see MIL and when they got back I had noticed that she hadn't bought DC any birthday presents/card.
She has never bothered with their birthdays or Xmas's.
OH insists on taking DC round.

Prior to this I would always ensure that I gave MIL a birthday/Xmas present from the kids.

I felt it was a very one sided effort so I told OH from now on I will be only buying presents for the kids and he has taken offence hence why he dosent want me going to MIL (not that I would want to go anyway).

Edited

So it’s not that you aren’t invited by MIL.

It’s your OH who has taken offence at your withdrawal of including her in gift giving. Tell him to sort a gift for his mum himself if he wants to as that's the way it should be.
Are the children old enough to make her a small gift or card?
It’s good to teach them to give but not to expect anything in return, even if you don’t like her OP and don’t want to go. The joy is in the giving. they learn that by you telling them and facilitating it.

If they are old enough, he could take them round to her some time on Christmas Eve.
But he certainly shouldn’t take them away from their mum on Christmas Day.

Charel2girl5 · 28/11/2025 16:45

Get rid he’s an absolute ars**ole.! I wouldn’t tolerate that nonsense for 2 seconds!

Bambamhoohoo · 28/11/2025 16:43

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 16:38

When it was DC's birthday a few weeks ago one of his cousins wanted to visit with their kids.

OH told me "Can you go upstairs or go out to the cinema so we can have family time?"
This is in my own house.

He dosent really see me as family in his eyes.
His family is his family, and my family is my family.

Even with the partners of his aunts/uncles he says they are not my aunt/uncle, only the ones related to me by blood".
He is a very strange man.

How realistic is it to leave? Can you sell the house? Can you afford a new house alone?

start getting those ducks in a row OP.
do something wild, it’ll shock the hell out of him and you’ll never have to worry about who buys presents again

Otterloverfrenchielady · 28/11/2025 16:43

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:37

I don't think she has an illness or anything like that but his grandfather passed away this year and wants the kids to see their own grandparents more.

OH has just invited himself to bring the kids round to MIL's after dinner.

She never invites him round, he will have to always call her to arrange going round.

Nope, he can invite himself and the kids round on boxing day. Win win, she sees them , he gets to fulfill his wish of them seeing her more, and you get a bit of time to decompress after doing 100% of Christmas

PatThePenguin · 28/11/2025 16:38

Why are you wasting your life with this loser and what possessed you to even consider having more than one child with him, after you saw his true colours?

Ditch him and you'll never have to deal with his odd mother again anyway.

Double bonus.

And drag your standards out of the gutter when you start dating again in the future.

Original poster
snowhunny · 28/11/2025 16:38

When it was DC's birthday a few weeks ago one of his cousins wanted to visit with their kids.

OH told me "Can you go upstairs or go out to the cinema so we can have family time?"
This is in my own house.

He dosent really see me as family in his eyes.
His family is his family, and my family is my family.

Even with the partners of his aunts/uncles he says they are not my aunt/uncle, only the ones related to me by blood".
He is a very strange man.

OP posts:
Original poster
snowhunny · 28/11/2025 16:34

No I don't loathe OH's family at all. I have tried to make the effort loads of times and I am just met with coldness.
His mum or siblings have never thanked for birthday/ Xmas presents. Surely it's just manners?

OH makes no effort at all with my family.
He advises me that my own parents must give me advance warning when they want to visit but his family can just turn up on the day.
Its my house as well by the way that I own.

I would get his mum, siblings, his cousin's kids Xmas presents and it was never appreciated or acknowledged.
I was just trying to be nice and make the effort.

OP posts:
Hellodarknessyouoldprick · 28/11/2025 16:32

Wow. I’m actually gobsmacked that he’d entertain that idea.

Why aren’t you invited?

AcrossthePond55 · 28/11/2025 16:31

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 16:12

I wouldn't say I choose to do it as if it wasn't for me nothing would get done as he is so lazy.

Now he has just sprung it on me that he wants his cousin and kids (similar age to DC) come after dinner.

Again it will be who is expected to do the hosting/ making food, cleaning up after whilst he sits and relaxes.

Now he has just sprung it on me that he wants his cousin and kids (similar age to DC) come after dinner.

So how's that going to work if he plans to swan off to MiL's after dinner? Leave you alone with these cousins? Just refuse to host, make food, or clean up. Tell him emphatically that he'll have to do it because you won't.

I don't know everything that appears to be going on in your marriage, but I think you need to reevaluate it and decide if it's worth 'keeping'.

lessglittermoremud · 28/11/2025 16:30

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 16:12

I wouldn't say I choose to do it as if it wasn't for me nothing would get done as he is so lazy.

Now he has just sprung it on me that he wants his cousin and kids (similar age to DC) come after dinner.

Again it will be who is expected to do the hosting/ making food, cleaning up after whilst he sits and relaxes.

Then just say no, that you won’t be catering to guests and if he wants them he can do it and then stand by what you’ve said….
If they rock up and there is no food for them you simply say, I’m really sorry DP was meant to be doing the catering for guests in the afternoon as I cooked the roast. I’m sure there’s some left over bits and pieces in the fridge he can put out for you if you’re hungry.
Honestly I used to feel like I had to do it all and keep everyone happy, and then I hit 40 and thought I’m not doing it anymore.
This year I’ve brought presents for the children only, if my DH wants his family members to get a gift, he has to buy it. I’m not the biggest fan of a roast, so I’ve said the last few years if DH wants a traditional Christmas dinner he can cook it. I brought the presents for the kids I said I was just going to pop it into gift bags and if he wanted them wrapped beautifully he could do it…..
My DH knows I mean it, the last 3 years he has cooked the Christmas the dinner, I’ve helped tidy up, I’ve brought the presents and he’s wrapped them and we’ve both done the Christmas tree decorating and food shopping.
Your DP does nothing because you enable him to do nothing, time to make a stand instead of silently resenting how little effort he makes. If he doesn’t step up after knowing the expectations then it doesn’t sound much of a partnership.

Vaxtable · 28/11/2025 16:27

That would be a no. The lids will stay at home with thier presents and he can see his mother if he wants to

the Kids can go another day

BeaRightThere · 28/11/2025 16:26

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 16:12

I wouldn't say I choose to do it as if it wasn't for me nothing would get done as he is so lazy.

Now he has just sprung it on me that he wants his cousin and kids (similar age to DC) come after dinner.

Again it will be who is expected to do the hosting/ making food, cleaning up after whilst he sits and relaxes.

You quite clearly loathe your husband and have no interest in his side of the family. You should consider separating and trying to co-parent amicably, accepting that this will mean he is free to take the kids to see whatever relatives he wishes during his time.

Ripplemoment · 28/11/2025 16:21

Go out with the children.
Or go to bed with a headache and not show your face.
You will get as much shit as you will tolerate.

Aimtodobetter · 28/11/2025 16:17

I’d be asking my other half to produce a court order if he thought he had the right to slaw my children away from me on Christmas Day. Why would he think that is acceptable.