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Original poster

To think women should think more carefully about giving children father's last name?

262 replies

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:37

This.
In light of the case recently where a (male) judge said a child whose father was found to be a rapist still had to keep his last name until she was 18 (or father consented to name change).
I married young first time around and was incredibly naive - one of my biggest regrets is giving my sons ex-husband's last name alone.
I am now remarried and Ms HisName-My Name, my husband is Mr HisName-MyName, and our daughter is Miss HisName-MyName.
So much happier with this 😀

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:34

@Devilsmommy And if you ever remarried?

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 23/11/2025 22:32

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 23/11/2025 21:50

I married so all of the kids and me have husbands last name. If we were to separate for whatever reason, I would continue to use my current last name rather than go back to my maiden name.

This is exactly my take on it. If me and DH ever split I will keep my married name because my DS has it

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:30

@Oopsadaisydoodah How many fathers do you honestly think would agree?

OP posts:
Oopsadaisydoodah · 23/11/2025 22:27

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:22

@Oopsadaisydoodah And again, this is ignorance. You have to be 18 before you can do this without the consent of the other parent.

you need father to agree which is ideal and not an unreasonable request as you are adding your surname, but 1 poster managed it legally without.

Rewis · 23/11/2025 22:27

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/11/2025 22:02

Why would they do that when other options are available? Or maybe they won't get married or have DC, not everyone does.

Edited
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In significant portion if the world it is custom to give children both parents name and they have their own traditions how name will be tranfered.Same will be in other countries when it becomes more common, if you have two double barrels, they can do what they see fit for them.

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:26

@JLou08 But still, man could be father of the year - why give a child automatically his last name alone?

OP posts:
Terrytheweasel · 23/11/2025 22:26

He didn’t want to marry so the children kept my surname

JLou08 · 23/11/2025 22:25

Most of us think very carefully about the man we have a child with before it gets to naming the child. Most of us will enter that expecting the father will be a good man who will be there to raise his child.
I'm not saying things don't go wrong, but we've already done the thinking carefully when deciding to have a child. If someone thinks a man's good enough to have a child with, they're not going to think the child needs a different surname incase the dad turns out to be a rapist.
There will be exceptions to this, ONS, abusive relationships, but I'd guess a lot of them women would already be putting thought into the surname and even the naming of the father on the birth certificate without having to be reminded.

illsendansostotheworld · 23/11/2025 22:24

EuroTour · 23/11/2025 21:51

I did think carefully and decided not to inflict years of teasing and bullying that I endured due a very uncommon last name. I like my name (now) and didn't change it but wouldn't inflict it upon anyone else

Same here - my maiden name is awful and l was glad to not pass it on!

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:23

@Wildehorses In the UK it's still something like 90-something percent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:22

@Oopsadaisydoodah And again, this is ignorance. You have to be 18 before you can do this without the consent of the other parent.

OP posts:
Wildehorses · 23/11/2025 22:22

I disagree that the “vast majority” of women take their husbands’ surname … among my group of friends (middle class professionals I guess is an accurate description even if it sounds pretentious) fewer than 10% did so … we are in our mid 50s

TheSmallAssassin · 23/11/2025 22:21

Bohoboo · 23/11/2025 21:58

I've always wondered what happens to children whose parents double barrel their surnames when they are older and want to get married and or have kids. Will their kids surnames be triple or quadruple barrelled? And what about subsequent generations?

Spain has this problem sorted already. Everyone has two surnames, one from their mother's side, one from their father's. The offspring get two surnames too, the paternal one from both parents.

Oopsadaisydoodah · 23/11/2025 22:21

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:20

@Oopsadaisydoodah No - I wish I would have d'bd both sons. As I have done with my daughter. But my first husband was a misogynist so not much of a chance!

Edited

Then change it by deed poll

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:20

@Oopsadaisydoodah No - I wish I would have d'bd both sons. As I have done with my daughter. But my first husband was a misogynist so not much of a chance!

OP posts:
Oopsadaisydoodah · 23/11/2025 22:19

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:14

@Oopsadaisydoodah "Stake a claim" over children?! Wow. My husband also categorically knows his daughter is his. She doesn't need his last name alone for him to know this.

Edited

that’s what you are doing. You are trying to eradicate your ex’s link to your first child. You wish you had given your surname now as no longer with him.
its rewriting your history

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:19

@Oopsadaisydoodah I do regret my boys having their father's name alone. But not solely because he turned out to be abusive. As I've said, my now husband is an exceptional father. Our daughter has both of our names.

OP posts:
Oopsadaisydoodah · 23/11/2025 22:17

wiffin · 23/11/2025 22:12

Oh yes, because people go into marriage thinking 'he's a bit of a shit, he won't be faithful and will leave me financially destitute but I'll marry him anyway because why not'.

Ffs. It's not about trust.

Show quote history

if you read the thread that’s what OP is saying- they regret naming first child with ex husbands surname as separated and child has diff surname to other children.
she wishes she had used her surname.

wiffin · 23/11/2025 22:16

Usernamenotfound1 · 23/11/2025 22:14

It always fries my brain thinking about the brothers of these women with such horrible/hard to pronounce or spell names.

do they marry women with even worse names? And what happens to their brothers? Do we ever get to the point where the names are just so awful these poor boys have no shot at finding someone to marry them?

Show quote history

But those names are fine for a man. Manly names for manly people. And their wives.

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:16

@Coconutter24 Equally, you are still their mother.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 23/11/2025 22:15

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:51

@IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour Even if he was a rapist? An abuser?
What if you remarried?

I wouldn’t want me or kids to have same name as an abuser or rapist. Getting remarried though isn’t a reason for me because he might not be your DH anymore but he’s still their dad.

Usernamenotfound1 · 23/11/2025 22:14

NamelessNancy · 23/11/2025 22:12

Brace yourself for a gazillion women to tell you that their husband's name was unfortunately just better (/easier to spell/easier to pronounce/some other bullshit) than theirs. Funny how it generally works that way.

ETA where not married and or different surnames anyway it's especially inexplicable to me to not give your kids your own name.

Edited

It always fries my brain thinking about the brothers of these women with such horrible/hard to pronounce or spell names.

do they marry women with even worse names? And what happens to their brothers? Do we ever get to the point where the names are just so awful these poor boys have no shot at finding someone to marry them?

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:14

@Oopsadaisydoodah "Stake a claim" over children?! Wow. My husband also categorically knows his daughter is his. She doesn't need his last name alone for him to know this.

OP posts:
Mumptynumpty · 23/11/2025 22:14

My kids all changed their names at 18. Not to my maiden name - awful name- but to one of their choosing. None chose the same name as each other. One added a middle name another changed theirs.

All have passports in their chosen names.

It's all fine.

Edited to add my GC has their mother's chosen name (my DD) not her exH. I think that ended their marriage even though he said he agreed at the time.

Oopsadaisydoodah · 23/11/2025 22:13

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:11

@Oopsadaisydoodah So they're not half yours as well then?!!!

Edited

I gave birth to them so I am comfortable with not needing to stake my claim over them. I know they are mine.

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