To think women should think more carefully about giving children father's last name?

I have 3 children, DS1 has my surname, correct decision, his father never in his life. DS2 and DD have their father’s name and although we split 15yrs ago, they have a good relationship with him and their surname is never something i’ve regretted. Nor have I ever encountered any of the issues people raise saying it’s a problem.

I just dont have this sentimental views about surnames. I dont see it as ownership to take the man's surname. We get married and form a partnership and choose the same last name. I dont care what that name is. He cared marginally more so we will be taking his. That's just my opinion. If I had to I would personally perfer to choose a new surname together overusing double barrelled.

My dd's dad walked out during pregnancy, so she has my surname. My ds is double-barrelled. I wish he had my surname alone like his sister does, but I don't think that would have been very fair on my dp (we're not married), although I quite often just refer to him by my surname when booking doctors appointments etc. I'd never have given him dp's surname alone, simply because he is my son - I made him, birthed him, feed him, he'll always live with me if dp and I split up, and he needs to fit in with his sister and I. Like I said, I wish he had my surname alone, but I can live with it being d-b. He can always choose when he's older if he'd prefer to go by the full surname or one or the other.

Double barrel surname is performative.

Only works on one generation before it's clearly unfeasible to carry forward.

I had no urge to keep my maiden name, it was synonymous with abuse and loneliness to me. I was more than happy to take a new name from my husband and start a new family with that name. Like I said, if we spilt up I would keep my name and wouldn’t marry again.

Double barreling wouldn't have made any difference at all in the case mentioned in the OP. The child would still have their father's name as in the double barrel. Erasing it would still not have been allowed.

I made a conscious choice to double barrel my childs name. I'd already split up with her dad whilst I was pregnant but it was important to me that she felt she had a connection to both her parents. Her dad said it was entirely my choice as to what surname/or combo I decided upon, and did support it.

I'll also add that as an adult she only uses my surname on a daily basis, but likes that she has a link to his family side whose she's close to as well.

I was born to a fantastic mother and a deadbeat father who I have never seen. But as they were married I had his surname. She never spoke a bad word against him until I was 16 and we decided we would both change our names by deed poll as soon as I was legally allowed to sign the papers and decide on my identity MYSELF.
I love my surname. I always wanted to be the same as my grandparents and cousins. I am now engaged and don't know what I will do. I don't know about having a different surname to my future kids but I also love my surname which I chose.
I loath double barrelled with a passion. I have some time to decide but really not sure what to do.

Yes I know one man who did. Double barrelled with his wife’s as the first, his the second.

Well said!

Its simplest if children are named after their mother and she retains her own name imo. That way whether she is unmarried or marries several times it makes no difference, the dc all have the same as their mum and each other.

"but I want my grandkids to have my name and keep the name in the family".

What a vile, judgmental crock of shit! You’re presumably a fully grown adult? Surely you must know that it’s not that simple! Contraception fails far more than people realise (as in my case), people change behaviours (including men, believe it or not!) and life is never that simple! If you think that simply “getting to know a man better before having a child with him” is the magic solution then you’re astonishingly naive.

Why is that 'unfortunately'?

It's just a name.

My daughter has my last name and it has made it so much easier! I also don’t understand why they should have their last name in the first place and not the mum’s.

He’s not a rapist or an abuser and I wouldn’t get married again now, I got married for the safety and legal securities of having children with a man. I wouldn’t see any reason to get married again.

I disagree. I 100% thought and wholeheartedly believed that we were headed for marriage when DD came along unplanned after contraception failed (lovely surprise not regretted). If we had given her my surname and then gone on to marry, we would both have had a different surname to our child! Not only that, but if I had gone on to marry someone else, she would also be stuck with a surname different to both of her parents!

Now, many years after splitting up, I still don’t regret it as his surname is a nod to where she came from and is something that will always link them (in addition to good old biology of course!).

YABVU

See, that's what it takes! 😂

I used to work with someone who's husband took on her surname when they married. He didn't have one of these statistically better surnames people keep mentioning, and she didn't want her family to be known as the Knobs

All well and good until the new parents-to-be are choosing which of their parents' names get passed on after an acrimonious split. Sorry, I know you tried.

My solution to all this -
Woman keeps her name.
Man keeps his name.
Kid double barrelled.
Let's say, parents divorce and mum (or dad) remarry and have more kids.
Women keeps her name.
New kid double barrelled with new dad's name.
This way kids have both parents names and share half a name with any half siblings.
Next generation -
Women keeps her double barrelled name.
Man keeps his double barrelled name.
Kid has one name each from parents (whatever names go best together) to make a new double barrelled name.

You're welcome !

Wouldnt putting more effort into getting to know a prospective father for the children people supposedly care about create a better life for the children in the first place?