To think women should think more carefully about giving children father's last name?

Hear, hear!

It’s got to start somewhere though, unless all women picked a fresh name and started with that. I don’t mind about the past (well I do, but I can’t change it), but I do care about the future and I actually believe that starting with me, it is now my name to pass on, even if it came from my male lineage. At least it is my lineage and not my husband’s, which is nothing to do with me.

I see it as my daughter’s and her children’s name comes from their female lineage (me), even if further back it represents my male lineage.

I don’t see how your argument supports wives or children continuing to take their husband’s name, just because the names on both sides originated from men.

My children have my surname and it works much better, as I have always handled all the school stuff, paperwork, sports, etc. my ex-husband wasn't bothered as he didn't want to be involved.

I know, I really don’t know why some people insist and pretend that names only belong to men, its bizarre.

Exactly what I wrote, they take one name from each parent. This is the norm for millions of people world wide.

Whatever name you chose, you can't erase the biological father. You can try to delete him as much as you want, he's still the father.

It's weird that people think that men own names but women only have their father's/grandfather's names. Why don't we get full ownership on birth, like they do? My name is just as much mine as my dad's is his, and as much mine as my brother's is his.

My eldest father left and never came back, fortunately it was years ago and I was able to change her name. My other two have kept their father's name despite him being an utter arsehole as my surname would inspire teasing and they wouldn't want to change. I see it as their name now, their father is just that wanker 😆

Well, the thing is, it's like saying "I'm going to use my mother's maiden name." Then later on they realise that name is their grandfather's name.

I understand, I really do and I'm not trying to wind anyone up with this. It's just not making sense in my brain cranium. That could just be that it's Monday and my brain is still in weekend mode.

Good start. Now what do you think happens when two couples both have double barrel names?

I so wish I’d given my son my name. I was only married to his father for 4.5 years and we split up after 3 years anyway. I was young and naive at the time though and thought it was the ‘done’ thing. We were due to be married a few months after we registered the birth so I didn’t see the harm, silly me.

It makes sense when parents are married and share a surname (whatever you think about whether women should change their name). Obviously in this scenario when the decision is made the intention is to stay together forever.

The ones I can't fathom are the unmarried ones who give their kids the dad's surname even when in a large proportion of cases dad is barely, if at all, involved with the kid.

I think it should be the norm for kids to have mum's surname. Cases of mums buggering off and not having anything to do with the kids are rare compared to dads doingvthe same.

I know a couple of women with children where the marriage has been a disaster and think it must be awful to have the child have the father's last name as they do.

One of the fathers has no contact with the child. It makes me sad (and it's really nothing to do with me)

Most surnames originated from men, but we can change this going forward, like any outdated tradition. Women never used to be allowed mortgages, but we don’t carry on that tradition, because it’s not fair, right? My name was my father’s (just like my husband’s was his father’s) and is now mine. We both changed our name to include both names, which we have passed on to our daughter and I’m sure she, as a fellow feminist, will pass her name (or half of it) on to her children. They, like her, will have either just their mother’s name, or both their mother’s and their father’s name.

For our daughters’ sakes, the only way things will change is if we challenge conventions that don’t serve both sexes fairly. It really shouldn’t be the default to take a man’s name or to give the children only the man’s name.

I don't have any friends who took their husband's surname on marriage. But they have all either double barrelled or given kids the husband's name.

My kids have both surnames but without a hyphen. They can choose as adults what to do, whether to pick one, pass one down etc.

Of course, but where did that name come from? Did someone take or think up a random name at the time of your birth and that of your brother's and then register it?

It's a family name. One thing I'll point out; you realise your name is your father's name, which is then also your grandfather's name, right?

Not wanting your husband's name to replace yours is okay as long as you understand your name came from your father and grandfather. All surnames come from men and there's no way to change that unless people stop marrying into other families.

I had a name that was embarrassing as a kid and led to much snickering. As an adult people didn’t bother and I was used to it so I didn’t feel the need to go through the aggravation of changing it. When I got married I wanted to have same name as OH and for us and any kids all to have same name later on. As I wasn’t keen on mine we went with tradition and changed to his. We did discuss taking a brand new name but came to the conclusion we didn’t care enough to absorb the expense of changing 2 sets of all our documents and the inevitable confusion from family. I think a lot of people are a bit ambivalent about it and just go with the status quo in the end. If I’d loved my last name then we likely would have gone with that as my husband was pretty ambivalent too though his parents definitely would not have been and would have banged on about it incessantly (one of the reasons we didn’t pick a brand new name). In the end there is no right answer for this but we should acknowledge there is a definite element of just following convention in it. We all do that with lots of things without giving them a huge amount of thought.

But the part of the double barreled name that gets passed on to the next generation is the paternal part.

My DC have a double barrel. I’m married but kept my own surname because I have published work and want to keep the credit professionally. Double barrel is the best of both worlds.

Not to women, apparantly!

Our DD has my DH’s surname. It is not my surname because I didn’t change my name on marriage. She has my surname as her middle name. It is likely a fair compromise but honestly, I wish I had given her my surname. My DH really wanted to give her his surname and I didn’t think it mattered. But actually, as time goes by, I regret it. That has nothing to do with my DH whom I am still married to and love very much. I can’t even really explain why it bothers me, but it does.

My children have their dad’s name. We’re not married but I have no relationship with my father and his name does not deserve to be carried to another generation. I have toyed with changing my surname but it’s my identity and too much hassle to change everything over. So it will die with me and I am happy about that