To think women should think more carefully about giving children father's last name?

I'm currently getting divorced and have it in our parenting arrangement that DD changes her surname to double barrelled, if she consents (she is 7 so gets to have an opinion as it is her name). STBxH hasn't objected to this.

I gave DD my XP's surname because I dont like my surname, was bullied mercilessly for years over it, and didn't want DD to be subjected to the ridicule growing up.
Since she was born, I have not thought of the name as XP's name.
It is DD's name! It belongs to her.

When I split with DD's father, I was asked if I would consider changing her name to mine.
I couldn't understand why then, and I don't understand it now.

DD's first name was XP's suggestion too. I liked the name, so that became DD's name.
Should I have changed that when we split too, since that came from XP too?
At what point is it your DC's name? Is it after a certain amount of years?

It would always be the man’s name though. Except for one or two so people could say “But I know a couple who chose the woman’s name!!”

If you’ve built a career round your name don’t change it! Why are you even considering it?

@MrsnothingthanksI’m unsure at the minute. It’s not on the cards for a long time anyway, but if/when it happens I’m likely to use my current name professionally and my partner’s name personally. I can’t see me return to my maiden name and I’m not worried about having a different name from the kids. The only thing that bothers me is I have built a career with this name.

My exdh and I consciously chose to use his name because mine was horrible. My two children have his name. I have a new partner and I still happily use my ex’s name. I like my exdh and the kids have a great relationship with their dad. Absolutely no regret here.

I didn’t want a double barrelled name.

Well we were engaged when we had our first so I thought we would all share a surname.

He left before our second was born but I wasn’t going to let my children have different surnames and lose their sibling identity

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. 😅

This. We all chose (kids included) to take the surname my husband brought to the table because it really was the cooler name. My daughter has already said she won't change her name if she gets married as she loves her surname and she will pass it down to her kids. We did contemplate a db name but both our surnames were ridiculously wordy, it really didn't flow nicely and it would take a while to write out. If me and my husband split I'd probably keep my current name as I really like it. I imagine people will sneer at my choice and put it down to patriarchy but it was our family decision and it works for us.

Though I'm contemplating changing all of ours to Wildblood because that is a good name.

Trying again for those who are either too stupid or just too wilfully ignorant to understand what should be a fairly simple concept. If Ademar Ferreira Dos Reis marries Ivone Rocha Sousa their daughter Isaura would take the name Isaura Ferreira Rocha and their son would be Ernesto Ferreira Rocha.

If Isaura Ferreira Rocha then marries Abelardo Siqueira de Moraes then their daughter Luisa takes the name Luisa Siqueira de Ferreira

No problem with freedom of choice, but surely it should be informed choice?

Several previous posters say they would have made a different choice having understood the implications.

I wonder how many girls and young women understand the prevalence of family break ups. Almost half of first-born children don’t live with both birth parents by the time they’re a teen. I’d hazard a guess they’re not mostly living with their fathers, yet most will have their father’s surname and many won’t receive adequate child support.

We have to teach our children, especially our girls, to understand the social, financial and cultural implications of the decisions they make, so that they are able to make informed choices and change the conventions which no longer serve them.

Well, surname and title choices do impact on other people. They signal things about us, which are the whole point of them, and that doesn't happen in a vacuum. If someone wants to use a particular surname and/or title and have it understood as meaning certain things, they're reliant on enough of the rest of the population to acknowledge that. Otherwise they don't get their choice.

So for example there are people on this thread who've talked about how they like being seen as a family with the same surname. But in order for that to happen, other people have to recognise what they're doing and enough others also have to do the same for it to keep meaning that.

Obviously people may or may not care about that, which is personal preference. But it's a fact that the surnames people use for themselves and their children do indeed impact on complete strangers.

Why do you assume it’s automatic? I put a lot of thought into it before deciding to use DP’s surname.

I think we get rid of all this ‘her name, his name’ and have people/kids take the COOLER name. If my grandmother had had that option I’d be a Wildblood and my husband an Arrowsmith instead of Smith and Brown (not real names but ours are as common/boring). That would be fun.

Otherwise we just end up with more and more Jones/Williams/Green/Johnson and fewer Miracle/Gotobed/ Wildblood/Twelvetrees.

Why do Mumsnetters seem to care so much what other people do about their surnames?! I really don’t understand how the surnames people give their children or choose for themselves affect complete strangers. It’s like people have this idea that there’s a “one true way” and everyone needs to be convinced of that.

exactly

what's the problem when people have the CHOICE, and can even invent completely random name.

What else than freedom of choice can we ask for?

Sadly what some people want is for things to be done THEIR WAY. And then they blame "the patriarchy". Oh the irony..

Lmao. Sure

I know one couple where the man changed his name. He had a very common name (like Smith) and didn’t have a great relationship with his family IIRC. Plus his wife really loved her name so he took hers. His parents were unhappy but there were issues before in the relationship.

It isn’t my fault you’re unable to understand a basic concept that has been the norm for hundreds of years, nor is it my fault that you chose to ignore my very easy to understand explanation.

You're repeating a point for the 3rd time, and avoiding answering the question again.