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Original poster

To think women should think more carefully about giving children father's last name?

262 replies

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:37

This.
In light of the case recently where a (male) judge said a child whose father was found to be a rapist still had to keep his last name until she was 18 (or father consented to name change).
I married young first time around and was incredibly naive - one of my biggest regrets is giving my sons ex-husband's last name alone.
I am now remarried and Ms HisName-My Name, my husband is Mr HisName-MyName, and our daughter is Miss HisName-MyName.
So much happier with this 😀

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:54

@Usernamenotfound1 I am married but I double-barrelled, as did my husband. No way would I have taken his last name alone and lost mine.

OP posts:
TheMAFSfan · 23/11/2025 21:53

Why should they get the father’s surname automatically anyway 🤷‍♀️ our child has my surname, partner completely fine with it. But then again, if I married I don’t think I would change surname. Maybe it’s because my identity has been built with having that name so I don’t want to let go of it to marriage.

Usernamenotfound1 · 23/11/2025 21:52

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:48

@Lmnop22 So why not retain their identity by having your last name at birth?
Unfortunately my sons' sister (half, but never referred to as such) has a totally different last name to her brothers.

Edited

If you’re married and change your name they would have your last name at birth?

my kids have their dads surname pretty much because of this situation. Dh already had a child and that swung the decision, we went with his name so the half siblings would have the same name. I still use my birth surname.

Imgoingoutforawhile · 23/11/2025 21:52

This literally happened to me but I was able to change my children’s surname by deed poll by sending a letter explaining the situation and included the case reference.
Everywhere accepted the name change except the passport office. So they had to have passports in their father’s name.
You can change your name by deed poll at 16 and that’s what my 2 did so they could get passports in the name they had been using for 12+ years

BeMellowAquaSquid · 23/11/2025 21:52

My first husband went out to get the milk and never came back my dd had his name and I faked his signature on a deed poll and had it changed to my maiden name, dishonest? Yes. Regrettable? No. She was 2, now 19 and knows the back story. My other two dds are both double-barrel.

EuroTour · 23/11/2025 21:51

I did think carefully and decided not to inflict years of teasing and bullying that I endured due a very uncommon last name. I like my name (now) and didn't change it but wouldn't inflict it upon anyone else

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:51

@IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour Even if he was a rapist? An abuser?
What if you remarried?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:50

@Usernamenotfound1 Totally agree.

OP posts:
IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 23/11/2025 21:50

I married so all of the kids and me have husbands last name. If we were to separate for whatever reason, I would continue to use my current last name rather than go back to my maiden name.

Usernamenotfound1 · 23/11/2025 21:49

Only issue is the vast majority of women change their names on marriage. So in the circumstance you describe, mum as an adult can change her name back, but the child can’t until they are 18.

if you change your name to your husband’s you aren’t going to give your child a different name on the off chance dh turns out to be a shit and doesn’t want to be linked via that name any more.

so the first step is for women to be thinking more carefully about whether they change their own names. That first, before the question of the child’s name is even an issue.

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:48

@Lmnop22 So why not retain their identity by having your last name at birth?
Unfortunately my sons' sister (half, but never referred to as such) has a totally different last name to her brothers.

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 23/11/2025 21:45

I don’t know. I chose to have kids with my kids’ dad even though he cheated and left and the end does not necessarily dictate how you should treat the kids. I still think it’s important they retain their identity with their names they've learned and usedand that siblings have the same names even if that’s not mum’s name.

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