Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women should think more carefully about giving children father's last name?

262 replies

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:37

This.
In light of the case recently where a (male) judge said a child whose father was found to be a rapist still had to keep his last name until she was 18 (or father consented to name change).
I married young first time around and was incredibly naive - one of my biggest regrets is giving my sons ex-husband's last name alone.
I am now remarried and Ms HisName-My Name, my husband is Mr HisName-MyName, and our daughter is Miss HisName-MyName.
So much happier with this 😀

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 23/11/2025 22:13

Oopsadaisydoodah · 23/11/2025 22:10

I chose my husband carefully. I know my children are mine as I gave birth to them. They have their father’s surname as they are half his and to acknowledge that relationship and remind him of his responsibilities.
If you don’t trust the father of your children to want to give them his surname maybe you shouldn’t be having children with him.

Why does a father need to be reminded of his responsibilities? Especially if they are chosen carefully.

wiffin · 23/11/2025 22:12

Oopsadaisydoodah · 23/11/2025 22:10

I chose my husband carefully. I know my children are mine as I gave birth to them. They have their father’s surname as they are half his and to acknowledge that relationship and remind him of his responsibilities.
If you don’t trust the father of your children to want to give them his surname maybe you shouldn’t be having children with him.

Oh yes, because people go into marriage thinking 'he's a bit of a shit, he won't be faithful and will leave me financially destitute but I'll marry him anyway because why not'.

Ffs. It's not about trust.

OneAquaGoose · 23/11/2025 22:12

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 23/11/2025 21:50

I married so all of the kids and me have husbands last name. If we were to separate for whatever reason, I would continue to use my current last name rather than go back to my maiden name.

Just because you married it doesn’t mean you have their last name. You chose to do that.

NamelessNancy · 23/11/2025 22:12

Brace yourself for a gazillion women to tell you that their husband's name was unfortunately just better (/easier to spell/easier to pronounce/some other bullshit) than theirs. Funny how it generally works that way.

ETA where not married and or different surnames anyway it's especially inexplicable to me to not give your kids your own name.

CheesecakeAddict · 23/11/2025 22:11

I kept my name after marriage and DD took my surname. DH could have taken my name if he wanted us all to have the same surname but I didn't see why I should have the extra workload in doing so just because of the genitalia I was born with.

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:11

@Oopsadaisydoodah So they're not half yours as well then?!!!

OP posts:
Oopsadaisydoodah · 23/11/2025 22:10

I chose my husband carefully. I know my children are mine as I gave birth to them. They have their father’s surname as they are half his and to acknowledge that relationship and remind him of his responsibilities.
If you don’t trust the father of your children to want to give them his surname maybe you shouldn’t be having children with him.

BrownTroutBluesAgain · 23/11/2025 22:09

Usernamenotfound1 · 23/11/2025 22:05

The Spanish have had no problems managing this for the last few centuries. It’s the norm there to double barrel and it doesn’t seem to have caused an issue.

so maybe just ask a Spaniard how they manage it, if it’s been a lifelong thing you’ve always wondered about.

it doesn’t matter anyway, the couple marrying can decide what they want their name to be. They’ll just have a lot more choice!!

Show quote history

The Spanish model is interesting @Bohoboo

They mix the first parts of each parents double barrelled names

wiffin · 23/11/2025 22:09

TheMAFSfan · 23/11/2025 21:59

@MrsnothingthanksAbsolutely. And don’t even get me started on being ‘given away’ at the end of aisle!

Oh yes. That bit. Handed over from one man to another. No thank you.

wiffin · 23/11/2025 22:07

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:57

@TheMAFSfan I agree with you. To me it is a misogynistic tradition. As is title change.

This. It's steeped in misogyny. It's about ownership and posession. I never understand why people think it's romantic. I would never change my name, its mine (not my fathers).

When asked 'what will all the double barrel children do when they get married?' I answer 'up to them. They are their names, their choice'.

Usernamenotfound1 · 23/11/2025 22:05

Bohoboo · 23/11/2025 21:58

I've always wondered what happens to children whose parents double barrel their surnames when they are older and want to get married and or have kids. Will their kids surnames be triple or quadruple barrelled? And what about subsequent generations?

The Spanish have had no problems managing this for the last few centuries. It’s the norm there to double barrel and it doesn’t seem to have caused an issue.

so maybe just ask a Spaniard how they manage it, if it’s been a lifelong thing you’ve always wondered about.

it doesn’t matter anyway, the couple marrying can decide what they want their name to be. They’ll just have a lot more choice!!

BrownTroutBluesAgain · 23/11/2025 22:05

MustardGlass · 23/11/2025 22:02

I married my husband purely to have a family name and be the same as my children. I do think it should be normal for the children to have their mothers last name tbh.

No different from having the fathers

BrownTroutBluesAgain · 23/11/2025 22:04

Bohoboo · 23/11/2025 21:58

I've always wondered what happens to children whose parents double barrel their surnames when they are older and want to get married and or have kids. Will their kids surnames be triple or quadruple barrelled? And what about subsequent generations?

I have friends who had this they double barrelled the last parts

Ms Brown-Green married
Mr Jones-smith and

the kids became Kid Green-Smith

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/11/2025 22:02

Bohoboo · 23/11/2025 21:58

I've always wondered what happens to children whose parents double barrel their surnames when they are older and want to get married and or have kids. Will their kids surnames be triple or quadruple barrelled? And what about subsequent generations?

Why would they do that when other options are available? Or maybe they won't get married or have DC, not everyone does.

MustardGlass · 23/11/2025 22:02

I married my husband purely to have a family name and be the same as my children. I do think it should be normal for the children to have their mothers last name tbh.

firstofallimadelight · 23/11/2025 22:01

I believe children should have the mothers name (regardless of wether it’s the same as the fathers)

I got married and had my DDs 30 years ago. It never occurred to me not to have exdh name. After we split I kept the name until I remarried ( it would have felt odd to marry and keep my ex’s name and if I went to my maiden name it would still be different to dcs) when dh and I had our dc we had the same name but it saddens me we all have a different name to my elder dc (obviously they didn’t want to change their name to their stepdads name)

Sadly both my DDs intend to marry and take their dh name. I think they should keep their name.

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:01

@TheMAFSfan Too right! My father is very much loved and alive, but my husband and I walked down the aisle together ❤️

OP posts:
ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 23/11/2025 22:01

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:00

@BohobooNo, they don't. There are many other options available.

You get the same stupid comment on every double barrel thread. I wouldn't even engage.

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 22:00

@BohobooNo, they don't. There are many other options available.

OP posts:
TheMAFSfan · 23/11/2025 21:59

@MrsnothingthanksAbsolutely. And don’t even get me started on being ‘given away’ at the end of aisle!

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:59

@FuzzyWolf My husband is the most incredible father. He embraced our double-barrel as he totally agrees that his daughter and wife should not automatically name change. He is also d-b now ❤️

OP posts:
Bohoboo · 23/11/2025 21:58

I've always wondered what happens to children whose parents double barrel their surnames when they are older and want to get married and or have kids. Will their kids surnames be triple or quadruple barrelled? And what about subsequent generations?

Original poster
Mrsnothingthanks · 23/11/2025 21:57

@TheMAFSfan I agree with you. To me it is a misogynistic tradition. As is title change.

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 23/11/2025 21:56

I think some women should spend more time thinking more carefully about who they are having children with, rather than focusing on naming their child on the assumption that the man will be a deadbeat father!

BrownTroutBluesAgain · 23/11/2025 21:56

I married ( late 90s)
I Kept my own surname
Dh kept his own surname
All the kids have dhs surname.

I offered as my family is huge whereas dh is an only child of an only child way down the line. So was happy to keep his surname going.

My surname is all the kids middle name and I got the main vote on first names if we didn’t agree ( luckily we did )

Swipe left for the next trending thread