To think women should think more carefully about giving children father's last name?

That’s not a “so”. Being married does not mean you have to take your husband’s name. It’s a choice.

Since most marriages and partnerships breaK up and the kids usually stay with mum it makes complete sense that mum keeps her surname and all her children have same name as her.
Even if the children are with different men. It makes things much less complicated if all siblings share same name as mum .

Yes of course. He was happy to put in writing. Not sure how you’d do it without consent?

That “so” is a complete non sequitur.

I didn’t change my name when I got married but my DCs were registered with (ex) DH’a surname. When he left, my girls really wanted the same name as me and my family and their Dad didn’t remotely care about the issue so their names were changed by deed pole. If my DDs ever choose to marry, I hope they’d keep their name and any children would share it.

Yes I would do the same.

My children took my name and my husbands name. Which was the same. Pretty normal then 👍

I was with my ex for a long time before we got married. I felt very sure I could trust him and that he'd be an excellent dad. It didn't occur to me to give ds a different last name than what mine was at the time as I took my husbands name when I got married. Obviously things changed and my ex is no longer in our lives and I do very much wish I could give ds my last name instead, but legally I can't. It was never something that I could have foreseen and I was very much blindsided by what happened after nearly a decade together. I think double barrelling is ideal but didn't make sense for our last names.

@ContinuewithGoogle I am not sure why it's "confounding" you. Great you made up a new name, I have no interest in doing that. No flipping way would I ever consider doing that, so that's not a universal solution

You have a comprehension issue. I did not say it confounds me that people don’t make up a new name. If it doesn’t interest you, then, sure, it’s not something you would do. That doesn’t confound me whatsoever. What I said was “The whole ‘you need to have the same name as your kids to identify as a family’ always confounds me”. I stand by that as I don’t believe that’s what is required for people to identify as a family, but I guess some people must as this is most often thrown up as a reason for everyone having to have identical names. So, yeah, if people genuinely can’t identify themselves as a family unless they have matching names, then that’s what they need, but I hold my hands up to being confounded about it given myself, and many others I know seem to be able to identify accordingly despite having different names to spouses and/or kids.

Personally, never had any issue with travel. I’m sure others have. When my kids were young we would take copies of relevant ‘connecting’ papers such as birth certs just in case, but funnily never needed to use them. I have had friends who did need to show them, so appreciate it is something that could be encountered, but was told it’s a 2 minute exercise, so hardly such a huge imposition that you need to base your life decisions around it. We did have kids questioned once (weirdly, without us being asked if we had any paperwork) but it only took a few mins and they were convinced by the kids utter genuine confusion about being asked who mummy/daddy were when they thought it was very obvious🤣. It was a one off, less than 5mins, and in no way a bad experience for the kids, the staff just did it in a child chatty way and took less than a few minutes, no drama.

You've just linked the point I made in my initial post though? The names ultimately get does dropped in the subsequent generations.

Cringe that you thought this was a gotcha moment

The old “men’s last names are so much better than women’s” thing is coming up again I see!🤣

Actually, I believe you can give a baby whatever surname you want.

you don’t have to give it your name. You can give the child the fathers name, but you can’t register him as the father without his permission if you are not married.

giving the child his name is not the same thing as registering him as the father. And yes, you do have a choice whether to give the child your name or a different one.

I haven't changed my name because I'm okay with it now.
I have never waited for or expected a man to save me in any way, including my name.

I use my birth surname, but I gave my kids my DH’s name because it was easier to spell and went better with their chosen first names. We’ve actually found out we have a historical surname in common (though different spelling) and if we could have been arsed it might have been fun to both use it but it would have involved paperwork.

People always trot out the “same name for travelling” line.

it’s a myth. There are many cultures where parents retain their birth surname, and “family names” aren’t a thing. They somehow manage to travel with no issues.

i have never had an issue travelling with a child with a different surname. In fact my last school trip the two mums who were stopped and asked for documentation had the same name as their kids, and thought that meant they would have no problems. They were scrabbling around for birth certs and permission letters off their husbands and very nearly missed the flight.

you need birth certs and a permission letter regardless of names. Names don’t prove a parental relationship, it could be aunt, grandparent, uncle, or even someone completely unrelated. Child trafficking/abduction is most often done by a family member, not a randomer. Border control don’t have a problem with different names, there are other red flags they look out for.

Totally this! I took my husband’s name and my son obviously has this name too. I wouldn’t think ‘oh I’d better not give my son that name in case DH ends up being a rapist’! If you feel this way, you’d be better of not having kids and trusting no one! Same could be said for women… whose kids take their name!

I also don’t get why women who hate their last name for whatever reason, wait until they’re married to change it.

deed poll at 18, then you’re rid of it forever. You can even change it unofficially before that, go by your mums birth surname, then at 18 change it officially for passports etc.

seems a bit sad and passive to wait years for a man to come along and save you from your own name. Do something if it’s that bad.

Fairly easy to avoid though. Just don’t make terrible choices when choosing who to marry and have children with.

I'm embarrassed for you. Why would you not Google it before making a fool of yourself being condescending?

https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=how+are+spanish+surnames+formed

I'll have to be, I'm not going to force it on her, but she will know she always has the option to take my surname too, and understand if she ever has kids to consider what she does with their name when they are born.

Yes because I intended to take his name when we married and have a family name. Obviously had I known he would leave, I might have decided differently about my first born’s last name but keeping my name after marriage wasn’t important to me so I planned to change it.