To think the problem with wealth inequality is that rich people don't know how rich they are?

If people feel shame it’s not down to me.

They do already. No children though.

Irony.

So In previous job he was working even longer hours but wasn’t happy and fulfilled?

Oh absolutely. Not just because of the hours but because he is essentially running things himself and he is happy and fulfilled - it was like night and day to be honest.

I bet you were happy!

A new job where he is more in control.

he used to work more.

what made him work less @percypiggy200 ?

I think it’s weird your friends think it’s weird!

He is up and out from 6am for 14.5 hours a day. Sees his child almost not at all during the week. No doubt returns at 8.30 quite keen to decompress!

im surprised that it’s only once a week, especially as you’re in Dubai!

They think it’s weird we always have date night together and not with other couples. I don’t feel like I barely see him. He comes home at 8.15pm - I go to bed at 10.30pm - we are together all weekend. It has never occurred to me before this thread that other couples/families spend all weekend plus many hours a day together.

Your friends think it’s weird to go out for dinner weekly with a husband you barely see?

Everything! Sorry I feel like I have hijacked this thread!

What cuisines do you like?

We go for dinner - we also both love food and wine and restaurants. Always just the two of us (maybe three times in a year with friends) - some of our friends think this is weird!

What do you do for date night?

DH and I have date night every week it’s the highlight of my week

I bet it’s the highlight of your week!!

Crazily so. My DH and DC are heaven on earth. DH and I have date night every week it’s the highlight of my week - we spend all our free time together - we just love to talk to each other - we’ve been together for 12 years and I have been adored all that time and I adore him. My little boy is the most loving, gentle, gorgeous soul. Sometimes I think that my time is running out in some way because I feel there is more happiness than is allowed and so I obsessively text my husband to check that his seatbelt is on for example 🤣

I'm not saying that everyone with an avoidant attachment style is rich though. I should have made it clear i was responding to a previous comment from someone who queried why have children then work all day. I just knew plenty of people who hated spending time with their families and adored work. They paid staff (or had a stay at home partner who put up with their unavailability) instead.

AI’s take on this…
It is not accurate to say that avoidant attachment types are more likely to be high earners; in fact, their attachment style can lead to financial difficulties, although the link is complex. Some avoidant individuals may be successful in their careers because they prioritize work over relationships, but others may struggle with finances due to avoiding them or engaging in compulsive spending to meet a perceived need for validation. Financial habits are often linked to emotional well-being rather than income potential.

@ForJadeQuoter they probably will.

We understand why- the country is broke and millions live in poverty, but it’s a bit annoying when our friends who both earn £80k+ each and have a far smaller mortgage than we do because they have more family money get free nursery hours and we don’t. But there you go, a line has to be drawn somewhere.

If DH stays healthy and working we’ll end up very well off. But the money while our DC were little would’ve been nice, and it would’ve been nice for them to have a house with a garden.

Some people have an avoidant attachment style and having to spend time with their children is actually pretty difficult. A lot of these people will have very good jobs and will pay for nannies to give the children what they can't.

I have known plenty of people like this (I used to work for a bank in the City).

It is hard to overcome an avoidant attachment style. It makes sense for these people to prioritise working hard and paying for childcare.

Look I don't disagree. I know I'm fortunate.

However in this example I'm actually comparing literally the same house, or say 3 houses right next to each other. One recently mortgaged, one mortgaged 20 years ago, one social rented.

Those houses cost vastly different amounts (thousands) in terms of monthly cashflow. Even if you just look at interest i.e. the rent equivalent.

And it doesn't buy any extra utility - there's no lifestyle inflation involved in living in number 21 vs 23 vs 25. You're all on the same house in an equally nice street equally close to London's amenities etc etc.

I don't disagree that money gives options, I'm not saying I'm on the breadline, etc, I'm just reacting specifically to your earlier point in the thread about how it is not reasonable to consider disposable post-housing income only. I agree if we're talking about someone who says they're cash poor because they bought a mansion but that isn't the example I'm talking about here.

Exactly. I hope labour don't increase your taxes.

DH earns (good) 6 figures. We live in a 3 bed terrace, haven’t been abroad for three years, our baby DD won’t have her own bedroom, we have one cheap leased car. Our house has a tiny paved yard, with no garden. We won’t get free nursery hours because of DH’s earnings so need to find £1600 a month for nursery (and that’s fine, a line needs to be drawn somewhere). We have a big mortgage because we don’t live far from London, but we have to live here because it’s commutable for our London based jobs. Our pension pots are small because of sick leave, unemployment, nursery bills for DC1 and DH starting a new career at 30. We’re certainly not able to pump loads in to our pensions for the tax relief.

We don’t come from wealthy families and are state educated, so have no capital or private wealth. I earn an average salary. Because we didn’t come from well off families we saved up our own (modest) house deposit, so missed the era of low interest rates and have high housing costs. We are unlikely to be able to afford a third child.

DH earns well but it’s long hours, stressful, takes him away from home and he spends huge amounts on travel.

We’re fortunate in that we can afford good food, the heating bill and to pay for days out and extra curricular activities for the DC. But we’re not rolling in it. The only people we know who seem genuinely flush are our small handful of friends with millionaire parents who bought them a house to avoid IHT and couples where they both earn seriously big money. None of this is to say “woe is us”- we know we’re better off than 95% of the population- but it doesn’t go far nowadays.

I feel too often on MN there's politics on envy. I remember a thread a few years ago where people were upset about how high the bonuses are in finance.