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Original poster

DH spent £300 on one gift, now I need to equalise it

181 replies

Emvid · 15/11/2025 12:54

DH and I have 3 children, this year they are all bringing their partners to join us for Christmas. I hadn’t really figured out how much I was going to spend on each child or their partners yet but probably not a lot.
This morning DH proudly showed me a vintage football shirt he’s bought for DDs boyfriend, then told me it was £300!
Now I feel compelled to spend at least that much on our children and similar on our DS’s girlfriends so there are no accusations or favouritism. When I suggested DH return it he said no as he wants to give it to DDs boyfriend and if not for Christmas he will just give it to him for the sake of it.
AIBU to be annoyed he spent this much on one gift without consulting me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:13

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 15/11/2025 13:10

Rigjt so hes the fave... and his "golf fwend"

My dh has honestly got hundreds of vintage shirts and he supports a "famous" team.
he has many exotic variations...
none cost £300

Your dh could have buy a cheaper one. It needs to go back unless your dh wants to stump up £1500 of his own personal spends to even it up

Edited
Show quote history

Apparently it has some embroidery from the team winning a cup in the 90s that makes it “special” , frankly it could be made of the finest silk and sewn with gold thread and I’d still think it was a stupid choice!

OP posts:
ButtonMushrooms · 15/11/2025 13:12

Ok so make your DH responsible for finding gifts for the other partners. They don't all have to be £300 but they do have to be lovely thoughtful gifts. Make a deal with him that if he can't do it he has to send the shirt back!

Mintearo7 · 15/11/2025 13:10

Yeah he’s just over excited! Could you ask him to save it for a big birthday or other special occasion? Christmas is the worst time to give it if not spending that much on the others, just going to cause issues. I would put my foot down.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 15/11/2025 13:10

Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:05

He is the first of DDs boyfriends to really try with the family and show an interest, DH and he now play golf together etc. I think he’s just excited to have a new friend!

Show quote history

Rigjt so hes the fave... and his "golf fwend"

My dh has honestly got hundreds of vintage shirts and he supports a "famous" team.
he has many exotic variations...
none cost £300

Your dh could have buy a cheaper one. It needs to go back unless your dh wants to stump up £1500 of his own personal spends to even it up

The Inbetweeners Thumbs Up GIF
JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 15/11/2025 13:10

I’m going against the grain here but if it was something your DD’s boyfriend would really love I think it’s kind of your DH. I don’t think gifts have to be same value if it’s something the person really wants. I assume you can afford it if your DH was fine spending that. Your DH could gift it separately from the gifts to avoid embarrassment amongst others.

Dacatspjs · 15/11/2025 13:10

Id tell him to gift it separately after Christmas. Your setting a precedent for high spends in later years. If my in-laws gave me a £300 gift one year, I'd then think this was the level to reciprocate at in subsequent years- it wouldn't cross my mind that it was a one off burst of generosity to level a crazy playing field

arethereanyleftatall · 15/11/2025 13:10

Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:05

He is the first of DDs boyfriends to really try with the family and show an interest, DH and he now play golf together etc. I think he’s just excited to have a new friend!

Show quote history

Oh this is difficult then. Because he’s tried to be nice I assume, but actually it’s cringey/try hard and utterly inappropriate. He won’t be able to match it, which is just embarrassing.

MumChp · 15/11/2025 13:10

Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:02

He suggested as long as they only get one gift each it doesn’t matter how much we spend.
I think that trick works on toddlers but not adults and it would be fair for one of the others to clock one gift was worth 5x the amount of there’s and wonder if we didn’t like them very much!

Show quote history

Yes, I would notice if one of us (and our husbands) got a £300 gift and other a £50 gift. And I would really wonder what was going on. I can't complain how our parents decide to spend their money but it would be odd.

Millytante · 15/11/2025 13:09

GettingFestiveNow · 15/11/2025 12:58

Well, I guess if you're in a financial position to drop £900 on your kids' partners that's fine....

Has your DH considered this may embarrass the boyfriend if he's not in a position to reciprocate?

Or embarrass him owing to it being a fantastically over the top gesture from a girlfriend's father.

Original poster
Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:06

Cynic17 · 15/11/2025 13:05

No you don't, OP! Surely we just buy people something we think they would like? I have never sat down and worked out how much I spend on each person.
And your husband can spend his own money how he wants - as can we all.

Well we always try to keep it fairly equal, not down to the penny but we’d never spend £50 on one child and £300 on the other.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:05

JingleBongle · 15/11/2025 13:04

What do you think it is about this guy that he wants to impress him so much. There is clearly a reason , what is it?

He is the first of DDs boyfriends to really try with the family and show an interest, DH and he now play golf together etc. I think he’s just excited to have a new friend!

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 15/11/2025 13:05

Its insane.

He needs return it.

at best he can discuss it with dd and do it as a joint birthday present or some shit.

I have no clue how wealthy you are
We make 250-300k pa as household and theres NO way this would happen in our house.

Your ds's gf is going to feel pissed when she gets £60 of make up (very generous and lovely gift) but the boyfriend gets somethibg costing x6.
Equally your ds might wonder why you "only" spent £100 on him and 3 x on the boyfriend

Cynic17 · 15/11/2025 13:05

No you don't, OP! Surely we just buy people something we think they would like? I have never sat down and worked out how much I spend on each person.
And your husband can spend his own money how he wants - as can we all.

Original poster
Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:04

arethereanyleftatall · 15/11/2025 13:01

Isn’t it just from both of you? I’m not sure I’ve ever had separate presents from a husband and wife?

for many people, it’s too much to spend on a boyfriend, but for others, it’s a normal amount if that’s your circle. But. Is it his too? Because he’ll be mortified with a £300 top if he’s gone for a box of roses.

It would be from both of us, but the point would be that spending £300 on one partner, means we would need to spend similar on the others and probably more on our own children as it seems weird to spend more on partners than our own kids!

DD and her bf will give DH a gift together, I doubt it will be worth £300!

OP posts:
JingleBongle · 15/11/2025 13:04

What do you think it is about this guy that he wants to impress him so much. There is clearly a reason , what is it?

TeenToTwenties · 15/11/2025 13:02

Suggest he keeps it until they get married.

BakedandBroken · 15/11/2025 13:02

Get him to give the football shirt as a separate gift after Christmas so no one else needs to know about it?
It is bonkers behaviour though.

Original poster
Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:02

EchoedSilence · 15/11/2025 13:00

Is he spending the same amount on the other partners?

He suggested as long as they only get one gift each it doesn’t matter how much we spend.
I think that trick works on toddlers but not adults and it would be fair for one of the others to clock one gift was worth 5x the amount of there’s and wonder if we didn’t like them very much!

OP posts:
MumChp · 15/11/2025 13:01

weisatted · 15/11/2025 12:58

Would you have run every present past him?

If we buy £300 gifts for a child's boyfriend yes, we discuss it.
£300 is a lot of money!

arethereanyleftatall · 15/11/2025 13:01

Isn’t it just from both of you? I’m not sure I’ve ever had separate presents from a husband and wife?

for many people, it’s too much to spend on a boyfriend, but for others, it’s a normal amount if that’s your circle. But. Is it his too? Because he’ll be mortified with a £300 top if he’s gone for a box of roses.

EchoedSilence · 15/11/2025 13:00

Is he spending the same amount on the other partners?

Original poster
Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:00

Hoppinggreen · 15/11/2025 12:59

Your DH is being ridiculous, WTF has he spent that on someonee who isn't even really a family member? Do they support the same team and he wanted an excuse to buy it?
Just spend what you normally would and your H's weirdness will be there for everyone to see when everyone opens their presents

Edited

Nope don’t even support the same team, for some reason he is behaving like he wants to crawl up DDs bfs arse these days though.

OP posts:
MumChp · 15/11/2025 13:00

That's insane.

Hoppinggreen · 15/11/2025 12:59

Your DH is being ridiculous, WTF has he spent that on someonee who isn't even really a family member? Do they support the same team and he wanted an excuse to buy it?
Just spend what you normally would and your H's weirdness will be there for everyone to see when everyone opens their presents

Original poster
Emvid · 15/11/2025 12:59

weisatted · 15/11/2025 12:58

Would you have run every present past him?

If it cost £300, yes I would.

OP posts: