Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH spent £300 on one gift, now I need to equalise it

181 replies

Emvid · 15/11/2025 12:54

DH and I have 3 children, this year they are all bringing their partners to join us for Christmas. I hadn’t really figured out how much I was going to spend on each child or their partners yet but probably not a lot.
This morning DH proudly showed me a vintage football shirt he’s bought for DDs boyfriend, then told me it was £300!
Now I feel compelled to spend at least that much on our children and similar on our DS’s girlfriends so there are no accusations or favouritism. When I suggested DH return it he said no as he wants to give it to DDs boyfriend and if not for Christmas he will just give it to him for the sake of it.
AIBU to be annoyed he spent this much on one gift without consulting me?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 15/11/2025 17:22

VickyEadieofThigh · 15/11/2025 15:46

How will anyone other than you and DH know how much it cost?

Show quote history

Is it is a collectible football shirt, the price wouldn't be difficult to guess.
Not that it matters.

breezyyy · 15/11/2025 17:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

We need a realistic Christmas song.

Afullone · 15/11/2025 17:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Manthide · 15/11/2025 17:05

Would anyone else realise how much the t-shirt cost? If I saw dd giving ds a t-shirt I'd probably assume it cost about £30 max.

Uptightmumma · 15/11/2025 17:05

I am going against the grain here. I would see this as special one off gift and not just a random generic gift, if you are able to buy something unique and individual then I thinks that’s great! If you can afford it then why not? And it doesn’t mean you have to spend the same. Someone else might like something that’s specific to them for £50 then that’s ok cos it’s specifically for them

Nanny0gg · 15/11/2025 16:49

Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:00

Nope don’t even support the same team, for some reason he is behaving like he wants to crawl up DDs bfs arse these days though.

Show quote history

So he may well spend more than your DD on the boyfriend?

SezFrankly · 15/11/2025 16:49

weisatted · 15/11/2025 12:58

Would you have run every present past him?

Is he going to do the rest of the gift buying? Is he going to be held accountable for showing favoritism when the others get £20 gift and golden boy gets his £300 all time keepsake item?

OP

Could hubby be convinced to save the vintage shirt for a birthday gift?

OldBeyondMyYears · 15/11/2025 16:46

CheeseIsMyIdol · 15/11/2025 13:28

Do people really sit around comparing the cost of their gifts?

They wouldn’t be actively ‘comparing’ would they ffs? 🤦‍♀️

But it’s pretty stark raving obvious, when gifts are opened and everyone can LITERALLY see!

It would be bloody hard not to notice that Golfing Godfrey has received a vintage shirt, and Non-Golfing Geoff opens up a pair of M&S slippers!

No ‘comparing’ needed to see who’s Golden Golf Balls!

Whatwouldnanado · 15/11/2025 16:41

Awkward on many levels . Does the boyfriend have a zero-end birthday any time soon? I would put the shirt anway until then t and hand it over with an associated fib that it was a lucky bargain at a charity sale and you couldn’t resist it or something. My DH comes home with random stuff that throws stockings/gift quota off balance . I say yes dear and put them in the cupboard for next time.

GreenHolly · 15/11/2025 16:39

It’s a lot and you don’t want to set a precedent. Hope ‘selling’ it to DD works out.

breezyyy · 15/11/2025 16:33

He’s pretty myopic/selfish because it’s blatant favouritism and nobody likes that.

Bjorkdidit · 15/11/2025 16:18

Of course no-one should 'kick up a fuss'. But most people would at least privately feel a bit miffed if others in the family group received a much more generous gift than they did.

Marble10 · 15/11/2025 16:09

It’s not about the cost of the gift IMO. And it is clear he is closer to DDs boyfriend rather than the other partners.
no one should openly kick up a fuss about how much was spent on an adult publicly. So I’d give it but get them something nice too - £40-50 ish.

Justchillinhere · 15/11/2025 16:04

Has he bought others Christmas gifts also, sounds like he wants a great close friend to hang out with but he is still only a boyfriend, they could finish tomorrow,

BeMellowAquaSquid · 15/11/2025 15:59

That’s ridiculous. I gave my dd’s boyfriend £150 for his 18th but that’s a complete one off. I spend no more than £50 on a boyfriend or girlfriend.

TorroFerney · 15/11/2025 15:57

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Yes, a more normal benchmark I’d say you have!

godmum56 · 15/11/2025 15:57

Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:00

Nope don’t even support the same team, for some reason he is behaving like he wants to crawl up DDs bfs arse these days though.

Show quote history

yeah.... I must admit when I read your OP, my first thought was that it was strange......

TorroFerney · 15/11/2025 15:56

Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:00

Nope don’t even support the same team, for some reason he is behaving like he wants to crawl up DDs bfs arse these days though.

Show quote history

I was going going to ask that, is he trying to impress this specific person or is he generally mr generous to other petiole? My dad was a bit like that, buying everyone drinks, routed in an inferiority complex or the desire to please/fur in , not thinking you are enough .

I mean if you were the boyfriend and he came out how much it was you’d just think you absolute weirdo.

Poppinjay · 15/11/2025 15:55

I feel sorry for the boyfriend. He's likely to feel quite awkward to receive such an expensive gift whoever gives it to him.

The reflection it throws on his gifts to others and the pressure to reciprocate in the future will both make Christmas stressful for him.

Your DH needs to get a grip and stop being so bloody self-indulgent.

BeetlejuiceBeetlejuice · 15/11/2025 15:50

This is giving off Brokeback Mountains vibes.

You have to equalize.

I would be wary of such a curve ball move.

Halfagum · 15/11/2025 15:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

VickyEadieofThigh · 15/11/2025 15:46

Emvid · 15/11/2025 13:04

It would be from both of us, but the point would be that spending £300 on one partner, means we would need to spend similar on the others and probably more on our own children as it seems weird to spend more on partners than our own kids!

DD and her bf will give DH a gift together, I doubt it will be worth £300!

Show quote history

How will anyone other than you and DH know how much it cost?

bridgetreilly · 15/11/2025 15:44

I would not spend that on the others. I think it needs to be given with an acknowledgement that it is a big splurge item, not to expect much for birthday/next Christmas etc, and that others might get a splurge at some point if you see something they would really love.

ConstitutionHill · 15/11/2025 15:43

To be fair, unless you were an expert, or really researched it, no one would have any idea that it cost so much. The others will just think it's a football shirt.

Namechange2567 · 15/11/2025 15:36

how long have they been together? Before we were married my in laws spent around £300/400 on gifts for me plus £250 in cash for Christmas